I don't... Reliable. Is that it? Tch. [Nobunaga pokes Klaus' forehead!] Do you think I dislike people disagreeing with me? I have 5 generals at home, none of them agree with each other about anything! I prefer people to challenge me. To disagree with me, and tell me how I'm wrong. I get heated. I have to. All my emotions are tied up in it, and I am incapable of detaching them. If the stance someone is taking isn't strong enough to defend it against my temper, then it's not worth my time. No one agreed with me about Mt. Hiei, and I never would have employed them if they had! What I did was an atrocity. [Bared teeth, snarl.] I set an entire mountain on fire. But it is only knowing that all my generals hated it, that I knew they would do everything they could to make sure it was as least awful as it could be.
And Kichou... [HARD FACEPALM! Nearly a slap and donking sound.] Kichou was a sadist, almost as much as I am. He is cruel. Saito Dosan, his father, is worse than even Reginald Hargreaves. He's an evil Uncle too. He tortured Kichou, and Mitsuhide, his nephew. He killed my father, and he almost tortured his whole lands as daimyo. I mention this because... Kichou is the only other person I would have proposed to. But Kichou is a sadist. I am not a masochist, and if he was, our entire relationship would have been a lot healthier, but truthfully, it could never be actually healthy. We are both immensely strong personalities, and he has more rage than even I. I sent him to deal with the Ikkou Ikki, but he failed me. I don't understand what changed, but the next time I saw him, he vowed to never allow peace. And I still don't hate him. I don't hate anyone. Hate is the worst. I don't fear being hated, because it will always hurt its wielder more than anyone else. But I can -- easily, have sex without trusting someone. Everything with Kichou was like a dance to see who would stab each other first. A battle of wills and ideals, and just... highly charged war without letting anyone interfere in our dance.
Let's see, your AU twin got his fingers cut off and fed to him, and you told me you want to prevent that by helping Blackbeard mitigate his stabbing urges, like you mitigate all my anger by letting me bite you, and you wonder why I am a little leery of this? [SIGH.] Klaus. Swords in my time... are taught by tutors. Monks. They teach them to children from the time they are born. Rather, the noble children. The castes -- you understand, they do not allow the other three castes to use the sword. It is a privilege only afforded the samurai, this is something I personally changed. One of those rules you say I am too intense about. They teach them by cutting children. "You can't understand the pain you inflict on others without experiencing it yourself. Always remember this pain. And learn not to fear it, but not seek it." This kind of thing. I will stab you anywhere you wish. But I am never going to be happy with the idea of someone I don't know, cannot trust, stabbing you for their own enjoyment, and you saying, "Teehee! It's okay, we're friends!" If this does not make sense to you, ask Ava or Pratt. But make sure you tell them, it's not just masochism, because I have always offered to stab you too. For that matter, even ask Valdis.
To me... when I say I don't trust... it's yes... I think similar? It is hm... Not just reliability. Predictability. That I know what they'll do and why. That is why I trust motivations but... Trust is... to me, it means I do not try to tear it apart. There is no logic that factors in, I believe words because the person says so, because I have no reason to doubt them. I put the person above my reason. This is not the case. Are you upset that I don't trust you about being stabbed? I'm sorry. I cannot. It is not that I don't trust you, I don't trust them. I haven't met them. If you were getting stabbed by Valdis, I would be okay with it. Maybe this is the problem with sex too. No wait, Sharky. I don't know. I don't know what my problem is, I'm sorry.
If I tell Teyrey something, of course she questions me. She understands: That is what I want. She would immensely disappoint me if she didn't! That would mean she is afraid of me. That she hates me. That's not trust at all.
Trust is -- accepting what someone says about information without checking or comparing to anything else. I couldn't afford that at home. Not after No-- my brother. [The anger from earlier softens completely.] I did... I used to trust him. I'm flattered that Teyrey trusts me, but I've told her constantly to verify everything I say. Because I have my blind spots. Even me. And I don't know where they are, or they wouldn't exist. I've told her, and she agrees, to not believe my words ever, but my actions speak for themselves.
I'm reliable. I don't... think Valdis is for me yet. I think you can trust her implicitly. So... I do trust her with you. I told her the first day I met her, don't protect me, that's not how generals like me work. Protect you. Because then I can still act rationally. And she has given me reasons to trust her in that regard.
Tell you -- [Irritated growl.] No, Klaus. I can't. I told you, I'm glad you understood my jealousy. That I would be hurt or maybe just angry, and there would be consequences. But I'm not as -- in tune with my emotions as I want... or need to be. I'm... I have to rely on your strength for this, I am sorry. It's not because I don't want to suffocate you, it's because... I can't be someone making these kinds of restrictions. I'm... scared. It's not even that I don't trust you. I trust you to know better than me. But it would hurt me. Please... please understand this... this is like the values I tried to bring up. [Ugh why is this so hard?!]
How can faith and trust sound the same to a cult leader? [Laughs, because ehhhh sure why not. And just pokes Klaus' cheek.] Faith is... [A headtilt. A SMILE!] I retract that. It's an optimism that people mean well, they will do their best. I guess that could be a form of trust. I just never thought it that way before? [More laughs! And kisses Klaus' forehead.] I am glad I asked you this. Obviously... faith in gods I don't have. But it is believing they are real without evidence, even with evidence to the contrary. It's a little different, I think, in people, because it's built with time. With recurring successes. Similar to why I trust Valdis with you. Tentative building. But if ever fails, I won't be entirely surprised. Just disappointed.
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And Kichou... [HARD FACEPALM! Nearly a slap and donking sound.] Kichou was a sadist, almost as much as I am. He is cruel. Saito Dosan, his father, is worse than even Reginald Hargreaves. He's an evil Uncle too. He tortured Kichou, and Mitsuhide, his nephew. He killed my father, and he almost tortured his whole lands as daimyo. I mention this because... Kichou is the only other person I would have proposed to. But Kichou is a sadist. I am not a masochist, and if he was, our entire relationship would have been a lot healthier, but truthfully, it could never be actually healthy. We are both immensely strong personalities, and he has more rage than even I. I sent him to deal with the Ikkou Ikki, but he failed me. I don't understand what changed, but the next time I saw him, he vowed to never allow peace. And I still don't hate him. I don't hate anyone. Hate is the worst. I don't fear being hated, because it will always hurt its wielder more than anyone else. But I can -- easily, have sex without trusting someone. Everything with Kichou was like a dance to see who would stab each other first. A battle of wills and ideals, and just... highly charged war without letting anyone interfere in our dance.
Let's see, your AU twin got his fingers cut off and fed to him, and you told me you want to prevent that by helping Blackbeard mitigate his stabbing urges, like you mitigate all my anger by letting me bite you, and you wonder why I am a little leery of this? [SIGH.] Klaus. Swords in my time... are taught by tutors. Monks. They teach them to children from the time they are born. Rather, the noble children. The castes -- you understand, they do not allow the other three castes to use the sword. It is a privilege only afforded the samurai, this is something I personally changed. One of those rules you say I am too intense about. They teach them by cutting children. "You can't understand the pain you inflict on others without experiencing it yourself. Always remember this pain. And learn not to fear it, but not seek it." This kind of thing. I will stab you anywhere you wish. But I am never going to be happy with the idea of someone I don't know, cannot trust, stabbing you for their own enjoyment, and you saying, "Teehee! It's okay, we're friends!" If this does not make sense to you, ask Ava or Pratt. But make sure you tell them, it's not just masochism, because I have always offered to stab you too. For that matter, even ask Valdis.
To me... when I say I don't trust... it's yes... I think similar? It is hm... Not just reliability. Predictability. That I know what they'll do and why. That is why I trust motivations but... Trust is... to me, it means I do not try to tear it apart. There is no logic that factors in, I believe words because the person says so, because I have no reason to doubt them. I put the person above my reason. This is not the case. Are you upset that I don't trust you about being stabbed? I'm sorry. I cannot. It is not that I don't trust you, I don't trust them. I haven't met them. If you were getting stabbed by Valdis, I would be okay with it. Maybe this is the problem with sex too. No wait, Sharky. I don't know. I don't know what my problem is, I'm sorry.
If I tell Teyrey something, of course she questions me. She understands: That is what I want. She would immensely disappoint me if she didn't! That would mean she is afraid of me. That she hates me. That's not trust at all.
Trust is -- accepting what someone says about information without checking or comparing to anything else. I couldn't afford that at home. Not after No-- my brother. [The anger from earlier softens completely.] I did... I used to trust him. I'm flattered that Teyrey trusts me, but I've told her constantly to verify everything I say. Because I have my blind spots. Even me. And I don't know where they are, or they wouldn't exist. I've told her, and she agrees, to not believe my words ever, but my actions speak for themselves.
I'm reliable. I don't... think Valdis is for me yet. I think you can trust her implicitly. So... I do trust her with you. I told her the first day I met her, don't protect me, that's not how generals like me work. Protect you. Because then I can still act rationally. And she has given me reasons to trust her in that regard.
Tell you -- [Irritated growl.] No, Klaus. I can't. I told you, I'm glad you understood my jealousy. That I would be hurt or maybe just angry, and there would be consequences. But I'm not as -- in tune with my emotions as I want... or need to be. I'm... I have to rely on your strength for this, I am sorry. It's not because I don't want to suffocate you, it's because... I can't be someone making these kinds of restrictions. I'm... scared. It's not even that I don't trust you. I trust you to know better than me. But it would hurt me. Please... please understand this... this is like the values I tried to bring up. [Ugh why is this so hard?!]
How can faith and trust sound the same to a cult leader? [Laughs, because ehhhh sure why not. And just pokes Klaus' cheek.] Faith is... [A headtilt. A SMILE!] I retract that. It's an optimism that people mean well, they will do their best. I guess that could be a form of trust. I just never thought it that way before? [More laughs! And kisses Klaus' forehead.] I am glad I asked you this. Obviously... faith in gods I don't have. But it is believing they are real without evidence, even with evidence to the contrary. It's a little different, I think, in people, because it's built with time. With recurring successes. Similar to why I trust Valdis with you. Tentative building. But if ever fails, I won't be entirely surprised. Just disappointed.