No. I was scared of disappointing you. Hurting you. Making you cry. And then I did exactly that, and I couldn't fix it. Yato said I should talk it out too, but I don't really understand it all. The weight and significance.
Now that I've already made you cry, a lot, not on purpose, I fear it less. I do... fear losing you but... [Nobunaga kisses Klaus' cheek!] Talk to me. Are you still scared too, or is it just the physical symptoms and need to recover? I am less worried the more I can help you. It is like Max Maximum and baking. Even though I need to love myself without externalizing it so much... I still must externalize it at least a little. Because the fear isn't for myself, so it can't come wholly within.
You felt helpless, yes? Part of why you're always getting stronger. Levitating so if I fall through decks, you can catch me. Going sober now so you aren't inebriated mid-combat. I am very proud of you, my love. It hasn't gone unnoticed. [Gently rubs his thumb over the top of Klaus' hand!]
I mean...duh. Cause feelings are important. Even the uncomfortable ones.
[Klaus figures being afraid of him leaving was a big deal, which makes things scary. And he feels bad about it. Even if it was like...a lot.]
Oh. [They smile a little.] Well, I mean...you did, but it happens...I think we're occasionally going to disappoint one another, but I think we have to talk about those moments, too. I guess.
[Klaus nuzzles at him a little] I'm...I guess I'm scared, but I guess of other things. I don't want to hurt you or myself or something...but I'm okay. I mean...I'm terrified I'm going to disappoint myself and everyone by fucking up my sobriety, I guess...
[There's a light nose boop] I'm going sober for different reasons. I don't want to...be the same person I was back home. I don't want to drown everything out and be a disappointment because I'm too scared to let people have expectations of me. I want to be worth all the praise that people keep giving me. I want to be worth all the expectations. I...want people...to think I'm worth something and to feel like that's true. You know?
[Gently takes their hand and kisses it slowly all over.]
But it will be okay, even if something happens. I will always love you, and I'll pick you back up and we'll fix things. Mistakes are okay. As long as you keep learning from them. And I want to be by your side no matter what.
[Despite not feeling like hand holding is really that intimate, the knowledge of Nobunaga's feelings makes the kisses feel all that more intimate and there's a brief moment where he considers ignoring himself and letting Nobunaga have his way with him. But they don't. It's probably more of a way to avoid talking about these feelings and that's not going to work. They can't replace alcohol with sex in that way.]
It's not going to feel okay. For me. I know I'm going to be stressed and upset and overthinking it until I don't. Then again, I might always be overthinking it. But I'm grateful to have you. You make it feel less daunting.
[Nobunaga won't let them~! Though for once he's not really reading Klaus' mind.]
I will overrule that foolish voice in your head even so. I will hold you to a higher standard than I have been, only because this pain is too great for the both of us. So soak it in now so that we need not do it again. [Gently rests his head on Klaus' chest, listening to their heartbeat.] Thisis what we both want, so we will make it so. Isn't that what being partners means?
[Klaus looks up at the ceiling for a moment. Just letting his mind drift a little.] It’s just trying to like…I dunno. Be my mind, I guess? But blah. I’m sorry it sucks for you, too. I guess I’m kind of gross and annoying like this. And like…I don’t do much. [This is most assuredly not what Nobunaga meant.]
Yeah. I guess so. Ugh. I just hate feeling like a weird slug creature. So slimy and endangered by salt.
You aren't. You are gorgeous and shining like a glowing gorgeous star. I look forward to your transformation, though you feel like a pupae, I know you will be a gorgeous poisonous butterfly, and I will stab anyone who isn't worthy enough of your attention to see how you could be right now. [Kisses them gently all over!]
[Klaus feels warm and light. It's the most ridiculous thing how Nobunaga could say something and change the way he felt about himself in a moment.] I love you.
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[Klaus scared him??? Did Klaus scare him???]
No. I was scared of disappointing you. Hurting you. Making you cry. And then I did exactly that, and I couldn't fix it. Yato said I should talk it out too, but I don't really understand it all. The weight and significance.
Now that I've already made you cry, a lot, not on purpose, I fear it less. I do... fear losing you but... [Nobunaga kisses Klaus' cheek!] Talk to me. Are you still scared too, or is it just the physical symptoms and need to recover? I am less worried the more I can help you. It is like Max Maximum and baking. Even though I need to love myself without externalizing it so much... I still must externalize it at least a little. Because the fear isn't for myself, so it can't come wholly within.
You felt helpless, yes? Part of why you're always getting stronger. Levitating so if I fall through decks, you can catch me. Going sober now so you aren't inebriated mid-combat. I am very proud of you, my love. It hasn't gone unnoticed. [Gently rubs his thumb over the top of Klaus' hand!]
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[Klaus figures being afraid of him leaving was a big deal, which makes things scary. And he feels bad about it. Even if it was like...a lot.]
Oh. [They smile a little.] Well, I mean...you did, but it happens...I think we're occasionally going to disappoint one another, but I think we have to talk about those moments, too. I guess.
[Klaus nuzzles at him a little] I'm...I guess I'm scared, but I guess of other things. I don't want to hurt you or myself or something...but I'm okay. I mean...I'm terrified I'm going to disappoint myself and everyone by fucking up my sobriety, I guess...
[There's a light nose boop] I'm going sober for different reasons. I don't want to...be the same person I was back home. I don't want to drown everything out and be a disappointment because I'm too scared to let people have expectations of me. I want to be worth all the praise that people keep giving me. I want to be worth all the expectations. I...want people...to think I'm worth something and to feel like that's true. You know?
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[Gently takes their hand and kisses it slowly all over.]
But it will be okay, even if something happens. I will always love you, and I'll pick you back up and we'll fix things. Mistakes are okay. As long as you keep learning from them. And I want to be by your side no matter what.
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It's not going to feel okay. For me. I know I'm going to be stressed and upset and overthinking it until I don't. Then again, I might always be overthinking it. But I'm grateful to have you. You make it feel less daunting.
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I will overrule that foolish voice in your head even so. I will hold you to a higher standard than I have been, only because this pain is too great for the both of us. So soak it in now so that we need not do it again. [Gently rests his head on Klaus' chest, listening to their heartbeat.] Thisis what we both want, so we will make it so. Isn't that what being partners means?
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Yeah. I guess so. Ugh. I just hate feeling like a weird slug creature. So slimy and endangered by salt.
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