[Everything feels dumb and stupid and he's pretty sure he'd rather die than deal with this right now. But there's not really anything else to do.
After a moment, they just pull themselves up off the floor, starting to undress because this is a shower and it's probably fair because they haven't really showered a lot recently. It's just been a sort of self care downgrade.]
[Nobunaga would have said that is what would happen. But he didn't predict Klaus giving up on him. That was why he acted like he hadn't said anything, he figured Klaus could just yell at him if he wanted, but... Clearly not.]
Do I need to get soaps? [He got so much at the resort, but it's all in his room which he hasn't been to except for clothes, and even then because it beat Tommy Bahamas where they somehow(?!) spent more time together.] I guess if you don't have enough here, this is just a rinse, but you should try again without me.
[Klaus looks up, blinking quietly for a moment.] I have soap. [They're just staring right now again because everything feels weird and nothing feels right. He feels better since throwing up, but they're still not really feeling their best.
Ugh, but Erin said they needed to talk.] I...don't remember everything that happened...exactly. Last night.
Me neither. [A flicker.] The words. I remember the actions. We didn't fuck. Not that I could. [Snort.]
[HOW IS KLAUS SEXY EVEN IN GRAYSCALE?!?!?! IS THERE LITERALLY ANYTHING THIS IS GOOD FOR?!?!?]
[He wants pictures. Oh. He has some... Somewhere.]
[At least he's still too fucked up to get turned on.]
[Down to the bare minimum but still covered head to toe in clothes, he'll just... burn the pants later maybe. Or launder them, what the fuck ever.]
[And climbs in, to help Klaus shower. Just bros being bros. No homo. Even though they're married. Yes. And have done this before much sexier. Whatever. It's fine.]
I sent you a song. Perhaps that was cruel. [Well, no. It was cruel, but he's a sadist, so.] It seemed more important at the time. And less like I was trying to romance you than if I sent you an emoji haiku.
I did offer to bring presents, but that wasn't to romance you either, just a shameless bribe to make sure you weren't dying.
[Scrubs Klaus hair! SO PRETTY! Highly neglected!] You should ask Jeff what he uses for his hair. It might not work the same, but I think he could help.
I sure hope we didn’t. [He knows what that sounds like, but that’s not how he means it] If I can’t remember things, no one should be trying to fuck me. [Psh. Not that he could. NOT THAT HE COULD?! No. That’s a good thing.]
[Klaus puts his left hand up to help him balance. If Nobunaga’s paying attention, the very obvious umbrella tattoo on his forearm was not there the last time they spoke. Stupid Umbrella Academy.
It actually feels nice to be in the shower and nicer still to have someone washing his hair. It’s just also mildly annoying that it’s Nobunaga right now.]
I remember…something? Not really the words. [But it’ll be there on the phone.] I don’t feel incredibly romanced, so…I guess you managed not to romance me since you didn’t want to. [And they’re not really sure why they feel mad about that.]
Why do I care what Jeff uses? [It takes all his power not to tell Nobunaga to maybe marry Jeff’s shampoo out of petulance. Jeff’s not bad people and Klaus doesn’t want to say mean things about him. There’s a sigh and they close their eyes, head tilting slightly into the fingers scrubbing it.] Sorry.
[He notices the umbrella tattoo, yes. He wonders why of all things, but whatever, one tattoo at a time maybe?]
[Nobunaga hasn't taken off the 4 tattoo, and never will, but it's covered up right now.]
[................ Jealous Klaus is so cute and Nobunaga starts to smile, bend over to kiss Klaus' shoulders -- and jerks himself back hard well before he gets anywhere Klaus could have easily sensed it. Nobunaga's crying, but hopes it can't be seen in the shower. Luckily his eyes are colored red normally.]
He's like a baby brother to me. I only have one person I have ever married.
[He's not gentle, but he's not rough about cleaning Klaus. Just hollow. Machine.]
You told me not to compare you to my ex. [My OTHER ex????] Kichou. [He's not sure if another name will upset Klaus, but it needs clarification.] I wrote the rule into my heart.
[They want to glance over their shoulder at him. Only one person he's ever married and there's a little fluttering of something in his stomach that makes him frown. He's supposed to be MAD stomach. GOSH!] If it's even legal. [They're not even sure why they said that except a petulant need to be rude.
They notice the different in how Nobunaga's washing them because it's happened before and he's usually very gentle about it. Not that it's hurting, but...it's not the same and that makes them sad...and then mad. So...you know...smad.]
Oh. [That makes sense. Why did he compare them? Wait? Does he have this memory? They squint. Nope. No.] That guy sucks. Do you think we're similar? Do I suck? Wait. Don't answer that last one. I don't want to know.
[Nobunaga pulls back, huddles up he knees and jobs sobs more... 100% silently, but REALLY FUCKING OBVIOUSLY.]
Because... [It's with torturous anguish (he's SORRY Yato, he's trying to FIX IT HE SWEARS!!!!) he gets the word out, focuses on breathing (steal my breath................)] You didn't... [Breathe. Sniffle. He's fine.] Tell me. Anything. [Okay. He can stop sobbing. Just silent tears. But it's a shower. Of course he's wet.] Not even what I did wrong.
[Oh. So. Gently. Just... not quite pokes, but touches Klaus with the soap. Like poking a moth away from a flame. So very hesitantly.]
[It's not. That hits him hard and he looks down. Not even Nobunaga counts their mid-sex wedding as legally binding. Maybe he should...never mention it again, then. Since it doesn't matter.
But the crying does become obvious and the pulling away. They turn around, frowning a little as they look at him, huddled down on the floor of the shower. They don't sit down with him because...there's not like so much space. So they're just...standing there awkwardly.]
You...you said you were going to cut Valdis out for being weak and not...standing up against the rules and I... [There is a little bit of shame as they say the next part.] I didn't...want you to leave me...so I left. [Now they're crying. Stupid crying!] I didn't want to be some weak, worthless person you were going to end up regretting and I couldn't watch it happen and I was...scared. I was scared you were going to realize I wasn't worth it. This. Us. Everything.
[There's really no point in wiping the tears away at this point.] And sometimes you get so stubborn and you don't listen. I told you both it was enough and...I know Yato has no reason to listen to me, but I thought...I thought you might actually consider that...I... [A soft sniffle] I thought you might listen. But you just called Valdis weak and then acted like everything was fine and I...it wasn't fine. That whole night wasn't fine, but you didn't make it better or easier. You just made yourself look like an asshole.
[He groans in frustration here.] And I know you care about people. You do, but sometimes...sometimes... [Will this vague gesturing help make their point? Probably not, but here it is.] I can't figure out if something's a good idea if I don't even know what the idea is.
[Nobunaga does consider it binding and that they are married! Hardcore. And is in his heart 100% and completely faithful!!]
[Nobunaga DESPERATELY wants to drag Klaus in for hard rough kisses, but just drags him, forehead to forehead.]
You. Stupid. You can't. Leave. We're married. You're my spouse-partner-in-crime. You're supposed to-- [Hiccup. CRYING INTENSIFIES.] Fight Crime with me. And injustices-- [Hiccup wants kisses, FEARS DESPERATELY THE REJECTION AGAIN. HE CANNOT!] Need. You. Trust. You. Spouse. Partner. Why? [Drags Klaus onto his lap and rests his chin over their shoulder.] You're. My... everything. My everything. I tried to even... tell you... when you walked away... I wasn't mad... needed you... but you -- [HICCUP!] Sided with rules?????? I don't understand.
I am an asshole, but have I ever hurt you like that? Have I ever abandoned you? You left me on the floor Klaus. [Oh. Maybe that's not a big deal to Klaus. alskdjal;dkjas;dlkjas;djk Stupid Klaus and floors.] I'm not like you... [Sniffle. Cry.] I don't... floor... if I don't... I can keep... [Sniffle. Sniffle.]
[WAHHHHHH.] You could have... asked. I've never lied to you. [Cry!] Told you I'd take care of it, stupid!!!! [Donks his head into Klaus' shoulder.] You sided with crowd over me. You said I deserve -- [WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH So much crying.] You. Best thing. Ever. But I'm -- [Sniffle cry.] Next. What happens when magic gunblade gets magic energy and attacks people and me and Yato didn't do anything??? [Cry. Cry. CRY.] Skuldug's wrong. It's not about him. [Attempts to gently set Klaus down on his back, face out of the water at least and lay on his chest, and fuck it, loses the shirt at least, feels stupid at this point.] It's about the people who loved those who died. Captain's more wrong. Sacrifice is never right. I don't care what magic demands. And neither should you. You hate death more than anyone else I know, so why were you against me? Why??? No one had to die my way.
I failed Yato... he says I didn't. I couldn't. But he -- [Hiccup.] I got scared! I was SO scared! [Sobs into Klaus' chest.] When Valdis went against us, I was scared. I thought "If I die, or get really injured from her, Klaus will cry." [Violently hiccups and gently headbutts his head to under Klaus' chin! DEEP BREATH. Okay. Better. The other thing is -- he has in his contract to protect Klaus, not to do anything he wouldn't let/order Teyrey to. He would not want her to fight Valdis. THEREFORE...] Yato wouldn't let me die. Or be scared. So then we couldn't cut the rules. He made me turn back. But we weren't going to hurt the Captain. I told you. And then he wouldn't call me or let me help when the Captain hurt him...
[Consider them both sobbing messes at this point. Klaus doesn’t even know how to stop themselves. He called them his spouse and it’s all over from that point.] We…don’t even…it’s not rules, it’s magic! Ava said it… [Sniffles.] Had to happen too.
[They’re not really sure how or why they’re being put on their back, but then they’re there and still crying.] I TOLD YOU I WAS SCARED Y— [This is a lot of yelling] I was scared you weren’t going to want me anymore and I’m…I’m not as strong as you think I am. [If they were, they certainly wouldn’t be clinging the way they are now or crying or just letting themselves be moved around in this shower.] Skulduggery asked. What if that’s the only way to free himself of that part of him? What if he’s so scared of hurting others again, he needed to make sure he held himself accountable? What if, by stopping the Captain and cutting ties you made it impossible for that to happen and he had to live with the very real possibility that he’d constantly kill his friends and loved ones and anyone else that got in his way over and over? Sometimes we can’t hates things and rules so much we destroy them because…because then it hurts more. So he made the person he loves the most do it because that’s the only way it’ll work. Or the Captain knew he had to do it and that was the only way.
[He can’t help but think about this.] I don’t hate you. [The words are so quiet, but he’s said them anyway.] But…remember what I said about things you say and so affecting people. You hurt Valdis very badly. You hurt me very badly. So listen and ask me before and if the evidence still points there, I’ll support you.
[It shuts him up, trying so damn hard to think it through. He can't say there's a single reason it could not be just as Klaus said. He hates magic.]
[Nobunaga can't say for certain that it wasn't the case. But he hates it more than anything. And he tries so very hard not be motivated on serious things by hate. He was right about one thing though, Klaus would say Nobunaga just didn't get it.]
[The only sticking point:]
I hurt Valdis? She went against me, scared me so much Yato rejected me 3 times, drained my soul until I couldn't stand, could barely speak, and you're worried about her more than me?
Did you get married to her when I wasn't looking?
I know it's my responsibility, but she didn't know what I was doing and didn't think to ask. You neither. Mr. Communication. You said--
[Starts crying again but does his best to face Klaus.]
I'm not as smart as you think I am and you know it! [Does that make sense? No? Whatever, it's the intent, right?!] If you don't tell me things, how will I know? I didn't know Arthur's blind! Because I had to be told! I can't tell these things! I need your help! You could have just--
Yelled at me. Sat down, told me to keep my hands to myself, because you were mad at me. Told me what I can't see! Told me that Ava would have said to stop being stupid, and fought with me about it! Anything but leave me on the floor! That's the worst! That's like saying, I'm the worst! That's what I deserve! To be walked on for being too weak! I thought you'd protect me like my sheathe! I was scared!! [Wail!]
Instead you got swept away by everyone's emotions except mine, but mine should be the ones that matter most to you... [Cries!!!]
If I didn't change the rules, then aren't I next???? My cursed blades, or magical version of mizune gunblade that just kills people I love. I can say, "Yeah, but Klaus is smarter and stronger than the Captain, he'd actually stop it," but it's not a matter of prevention it's after that-- [Hiccup.] It's about trying anything no matter what. The Captain deserves to be free too!! What kind of freedom is all this pain?!
[Another gentle headbutt chin nudge!] I thought that's why you're my partner in crime. You didn't... give me a chance. And you didn't reach out to me either, stupid! I've been broken for weeks! And hurting Yato! And I can't fix it. Gods can't save anybody, it has to come from other people! If the Captain really wants to be a God, then he has to learn what that actually means.
[Quietly after he can breathe and calmly-ish:]
I love you. I want to be married. We are in my heart. I told the Japanese: Yato and Yuuki. Some things never change. They ignored it. [The WEAKEST of laughs.]
[Klaus is definitely lifting Nobunaga's face so that he fully comprehends the fucking look that he is getting when he's whining about how Klaus cared more about Valdis' hurt feelings than him. This is almost absolutely the most withering glare he's given in forever.] Don't act like a child. [Which is...kind of rich coming from Klaus, but that's neither here nor there.] I was worried about both of you. I can have multiple people I give a shit about in one fucking situation, Nobunaga. And you were being a little shit. I don't have to be an empath to know when a situation is emotionally overwhelming and it's not a good time to take someone's feelings and use them against them.
[There's another long sigh] Don't push me or I might get married to her when you're not looking. [That is a lie. They have no intention of marrying Valdis and they know Valdis wouldn't marry them either.
It's taking all of their patience and wherewithal not to just turn them both over with Nobunaga on the bottom because...it's just...ugh.] Yeah, but like you said, I thought you didn't want me and I was scared and I couldn't be there because I was upset. Maybe I didn't react well, but...but...I couldn't help it.
[Yeah, okay, they are turning this car around...also known as Nobunaga is going on the bottom of this uncomfortable shower situation that Klaus really doesn't want to have to explain to Eddie. His head is pounding and he feels like he's dying, but...god.]
What if I'm not smarter or stronger than the Captain? But we don't know how to free him and...[They close their eyes against a moment of wooziness] I can't get swept away by only your emotions at the detriment of my own because...because I...I can't...I'm not taking possession of a majority of the blame for anything here. You were being a dick and I love you, but...
[They kind of hate everything about this conversation right now.] I understand that you feel betrayed. I feel the same. We hurt each other, but we...we have to...you can't make plans with only Yato and expect us all to fall in line. And sometimes...I need you to take me at my word and not tell me I'm weak for seeing things in a different way.
This situation was far more complicated and complex than either of us probably understand and it's not going to help either of us going back and forth about whose fault it was more. We can't be a power couple people are jealous of if we're not being reasonable sometimes.
I'm sorry I didn't reach out sooner and that I left without explanation and that I hurt your feelings. I really am. I'm sorry I didn't just ask you the things that I thought up in my head because I was scared of the answer. But I'm not sorry that Valdis stopped you. You can't go all demon king on us and expect us to react to it the way you think we should. Okay? So sometimes that voice in your head that tells you to go harder and stronger and act like an asshole needs to be told to shut the fuck up. Got it?
[There's a quiet moment here before:] I love you too. So...don't go breaking my heart...okay?
[In the end... it doesn't matter. Even if Nobunaga was right, he can't fix it by trying to defend that. That's not how people, life, politics, and all of it works. He DOES know better. He still wants to rage at Klaus, or at least bite him, but fuck it. It's not fair to always force Klaus to be the adult, right? Well, almost always. A LOT.]
[He gets it. Klaus couldn't handle it. He got overwhelmed. Nobunaga wonders idly if he had a pact with Valdis too, but definitely not before, not when Klaus always told him they did stuff together. He'd just said Nobunaga needed to respect Valdis' better or he'd give him the silent treatment. So. Great. Again, Nobunaga is annoyed, but he's numb enough, and HAS to assume the fault is his own as a tactician to work around this, because it's ineffective to do anything else. He can change HIMSELF, not them.]
[He puts up zero resistance to Klaus, he has none, just lays on the floor. It's uncomfy. Klaus deserves better than floors. At least Nobunaga still has pants on, okay.]
I don't want you to-- [Lose sight of himself, obviously. But the rest, Nobunaga just lets Klaus talk.]
[Nobunaga does feel betrayed. And abandoned. -- Except for Teyrey obvs. But even VALDIS had his back better!] I didn't plan anything with Yato! [He can't help it, he meant to be--] By the time I was ready to get him and say hang waiting for Teyrey and Valdis, the Captain called us. I planned ONLY with you! And that wasn't enough either!
[He wants to push Klaus off and fight, but he doesn't, red eyes just narrow.] I didn't call you weak for disagreeing with me. [All low growls.]
[He'll listen, completely, but he can't ignore that one or it'll fester and hurt them both, he knows.]
[He doesn't give a fuck about blame either. He'll take all of it, he usually does, because it's faster, effective, just --]
[Even on the floor tiles, all the hair on his neck and spine stand on end ready to fight.]
[He's not demanding everyone stand with him, maybe just not against him, maybe just tell him and -- no, he's NOT going to tell his instincts to shut up, or they'll all die.] Stop thinking I was willing to risk you, I told you trying to do otherwise is what got me in trouble, pa--
[And... they all fall. The hairs, the anger, his tense shoulder muscles.]
[He tsun-glances sideways and sings the Elton John song.] I won't go breaking your heart. [Just the one line, but a promise. Because Nobunaga's heart WAS broken. Did Klaus understand that yet? It could get worse though so. He just lays on the floor. Klaus would have to move first, after all.]
[Klaus lets out a long sigh.] It seemed like there was a plan and that we...you know...weren't in on it. You know?
[The growl is well...not entirely unexpected.] That's...how it sounded. To me. I'm sorry. [But that begs the question] Why did you call us weak, then?
[Klaus would comment more, but they need to throw up again...but thankfully for everyone involved, it's not on Nobunaga...because imagine how embarrassing that would be?
Instead there's just vomit. Don't mind them as they brush their teeth really quick afterwards. This has been gross and also...well...
They're just gonna come back to the shower in the middle of gargling mouthwash, very careful not to spit it on Nobuaga, but down the drain. Anyway. Now that that's done...he considers Nobunaga again.] I'm sorry I hurt you. [Said it before, but important enough to say it again. He's just going to reach out a hand to help Nobunaga off the floor. If he doesn't seem too upset, they'll give him a quick kiss because...well...they don't know if it's something Nobunaga even wants right then. He could be too mad for kisses or...or...not in the mood for them.
There's definitely more stuff to talk about, but Klaus has missed his boyfriend/fiance/husband.]
[Nobunaga stays on the floor while Klaus pukes, and brushes teeth, just thinking. There was so much. And somewhere under it, Nobunaga's more rational brain, the largest part of his brain, takes back the reigns from his heart. He always says his heart controls his brain... and it's true! He cannot think straight no matter what his rationale says is best, until he gets his heart on the same page. His motivation. Until Klaus, Nobunaga always thought it was his best feature. His determined unwillingness to give up, especially on social causes, and fix the damned world they were stuck in, even here, and --]
[All of Klaus' words sink in, but he can't begin to address them. He didn't call Klaus weak. The ACTION of --]
[No.]
[It's not about Nobunaga.]
[He needs to hear to the motivations. Oda stopped for a bit with Klaus. He was just trusting Klaus, but that's over. He needs to hear the motivations underneath. Klaus felt weak. Klaus felt useless. Klaus felt like he was watching Nobunaga fight, while doing nothing, while letting everything happen. Klaus couldn't change it himself, the best he could was try to make Nobunaga change it, because Nobunaga said someone not strong enough to fight to change the rules would be too weak to survive if/when it happens to Nobunaga next. It didn't matter the words, it's the meaning, the motivations, the fears underneath it all.]
[Luckily he's had a talk with Jeff too.]
[Nobunaga doesn't have time to respond, to process, before the kiss.]
[His heart's still broken, but it's like a tsunami. He wasn't noticing the receding shoreline, because he was thinking on other things, but he instantly surges into the kiss, desperately hungrily kissing Klaus back giving everything he's got, not just muscle memory, but water to a man dying of dehydration. He holds Klaus' body skintight against his own, his mind already racing ahead to the usual places, where to take this next, what to do with it, but a quick sweep of his tongue and he lets it go.]
I'm still hurt. [One kiss, a really REALLY long intense kiss, making every other kiss they'd ever shared seem like pecks if that.]
[But that's all. Then breathing, and holding a finger between their lips, Nobuanga's eyes closed.] I've never had my heart broken before, and I won't survive it happening again, Klaus. And it's not fixed yet. I have to find this poison, and cut it out, no matter how much it hurts us both, because otherwise we'll die. Do you understand? [He removes the finger and gives Klaus an even more forceful kiss, both hands on the back of Klaus head, and a low groan of all the want and longing of WEEKS of every single pent up frustration, emotion, desire, all the times he wanted to message him or joke with him just in a single damned kiss like it might be his very last of life itself, so make it count! IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou.]
[The return of the kiss is more than Klaus really expected, more than they hoped for and it's certainly enough to spark more of a reaction. Klaus knows for a fact that being naked is not going to help him in this moment, but it's fine. But then it's over.]
I know. [Klaus is still hurt, too, but...they're going to have to figure something out and it feels like such a long time since they've seen each other. Even longer than the two or so weeks that it's been.
Klaus assumes this finger is to keep him from talking, from saying anything before he's done and that's...well...not really a new thing, so he's quiet. They are about to respond when they're met with another kiss and the world seems to melt away for a moment and yeah...the nakedness has not helped hide that the kisses are affecting him. But he wants to reply so...once he gets the chance to...] I know it's not fixed yet. I'll give you time if you need it. I'd understand.
No. That's not what I mean. You said this takes work. I'm here. This time... I won't leave until it's fixed. Or until I know it cannot be without me taking a break. I will tie our wrists together again if I must, so you know I mean it, and you can't be lost or thrown away like sexy trash. If you really want, you can ask if Samurai Pratt has handcuffs to borrow. Or if Max the Omnic has his pair left.
I have a lot of thoughts. I think... you felt helpless. You felt powerless. That is why you thought me and Yato had a plan. We did not. We were too disorganized. That is why we all failed. It isn't even that I thought all of you I trusted, would be with me. It is just that it has been... A very long time, Klaus, that I have been on a field where I do trust everyone to do different things, but no one was working to the same outcome. Yato and I -- We have worked a lot out. You need to know, I am not protecting him. He is protecting me, and then I am protecting you. He can't cut anything I don't want to, but I can cut things like fate and rules when we're together. That is why it seemed like we were planning. We didn't even agree, that is why he ordered me to revert, but we are of like minds. We are a lot alike, even among Japanese. We are both very defiant, and we do not resign to fate, so even if he or I were the only ones without each other... we would have done the same.
Do you want a more thorough shower? I interrupted us, but I will get truly naked now if you wish. You are respecting my space, and I cannot act... sexually... until we are fixed, but I can go as slowly with this conversation as you need, but I have over two weeks of taking care of you to make up for.
And this is another thing.
There will be no more one-sided-ness. It isn't just you trying to buffer me against the world. You will die if you try. And then I will break again. It is never just me taking care of you, and you trying to hold me back. These things are impossible. It is, I spoil you, this makes me happy that I am doing something I can see the immediate effects of. You take care of me, because even I am a mess and not able to do things for myself I need. We both complete each other, and fill in each other's weak spots, agreed? We both have weaknesses, and you know all of mine. That doesn't make me weak. You are still the strongest person I've ever known. And I will make it my job to make sure you feel that way too, not just hear it, but know it. And that will shut that voice up.
[Rests their foreheads together! A happier hum. A lot of the anguish is fading at least. First steps.] And more importantly, we are a team. Partners. Spouses-in-crime. [GET IT??? Ayyyyyyyyy.] There will be no martyrdom. You are not to be protected from a safe distance where you must just watch helplessly as people you love die. That is unfair. And you stronger than that. You are able to take what happened before and use it now to save me. And I need you to from now on.
I will teach you more weapons. I can never ever ever promise you I will not be in danger. You saw those who died. The magics are unavoidable. But the solution isn't for me to stay out of danger. You felt powerless, like you couldn't act, that is why you felt weak. It isn't enough to say, "Klaus is strong," if you don't know what to do with it, of course you cannot act in those moments or make a decision. So I will empower you to make your own choices. Promise me, that you meant what you said about wanting to become a weapon who chooses all on your own, not me, not your father, not the Captain either, just you, what you do with it, yes? I will never ever, on this broken heart, and all our time together, I vow, I will never ever demand you agree with me on anything. I need you to think for yourself, my love. So if you do, if you take all this, and use your courage to act as you wish, I will always enable that, understood?
[SIGHS AND HUGS KLAUS TIGHTLY! And covers the top of his wet head with kisses!] And lastly we must talk about Dave. It can wait, but not forever. You can choose where to start, you can choose when to stop, you can choose everything about it, if you need breaks or not. But only when it is all dug up enough will we move into the future, understood? So the longer you push it off, the longer this will go. And I will not give up. Not ever. I am here for eternity. [Ties imaginary ropes around their wrists!] You and me. Spouses in crime.
[Once Nobunaga starts, there’s something tight inside him that snaps. They’ve been feeling like they’re holding everything together in a whole mess of a storm and it’s like Nobunaga has finally heard him. And he knows there’s things he needs to work through, too. Things he has to do better with. But it feels better. And this is what he’s been trying to tell people.
This is the Nobunaga he’s been trying to get everyone to see and he’s happy to see it now.
The not being sexual together until things are resolved makes sense, but definitely a shift. One Klaus will honor because it’s what’s been asked of them.]
You two and the fair contracts. I love you so much. More than everything. So I’m with you. I’ll be with you.
[And here’s a big, terrifying thing to add to it all] I’ll talk about Dave. I will. I didn’t mean to make him Umbrella forever. But…I have to add something else. I’m…[There’s a slight pause.] I told Valdis earlier that I need to stop drinking. I’m leaning on it too heavily. I’ve been sleeping everywhere and feeling like shit since this whole thing and it’s…it’s not working anymore. All of it. It’s hurting me worse than it’s helping me. I’m going to reach out to Dr. Watson. So he can keep an eye on things.
[They reach out for him, fingers twining together.] I’ve done it before and never really meant it. But I want to mean it. So if I lean on you a little soon, that’s why. I’m…scared. Of that. But if we’re a team, then it will be easier because I can lean on you when I feel like shit and you can lean on me.
[They look at him for a moment.] I agree to all your terms and I feel more seen and heard. Thank you. I want to make sure you feel the same for the rest of my life. We’ll start planning our Konpeito wedding once we work through everything else, okay? I want that. I want us. [There’s a slight sag of relief at those words and Klaus nuzzles up against Nobunaga.] But probably we should actually shower and sleep first. I love you.
I love you too, my Lucky Number. [Squeezes the hand very gently and works off the rest of the clothes.] I told you before, I will help you go dry whenever should you wish. Are there future medical developments to help with the withdrawal, or do I get to painfully sex free live out my bondage fantasies first? [It's half a joke, because it's true too, but Nobunaga is still on the stern side.]
[Even so, back to shower. Cleaning Klaus is one of his greatest jobs in life. Like tending weapons.] I feel like I'm forgetting something important. Not Teyrey, I will text her when we are in bed. Not Eddie, though I will ask his forgiveness for the state of us before. Yato will also do better with some sleep, I'm afraid I've been hurting him. Hmmmm...
It will come back to me. I will stay dry with you now. So as not to tempt you. Set a good example, as Teyrey wrote in our contract. I do not think my withdrawal will be so bad, but you should know, we're in it together yes? That is the other reason you must not fail. You said before, rehab told you to do it for yourself or it won't stick. I think that's only partially true. You must also do it for people you care about, or they cannot be your motivation either. When I said my final piece, forced Teyrey to defend an untenable position, I think, I hope everyone did choose what they thought they wanted. It's okay to disagree or fight me. Most of my soldiers did oppose me in the past, so long as you have no regrets, and have strong convictions behind your stance.
Klaus... I don't want to hide this from you, so I won't. [Kisses their knuckles, and lathers shampoo carefully with his free hand into Klaus' hair.] I cannot see colors yet. I didn't die, I don't think it was the Captain. It happened before. When I thought I was possessed and turned into the Demon King of 6th Heaven officially. Back then, I thought, it resolved because I pulled Japan out of hell. Yuuki thinks it's psychological. An effect of trauma. [Scrubby scrubby! Love the Klaus!!! Love love love love.] I am not worried, and I do not wish to worry Teyrey, I did tell Valdis and Yato though. It will resolve, but... don't ever doubt the effect you have on me.
[Kisses their cheek!] Oh and I absolutely have not had sex this whole time. My desire to wait with you is for safety, nothing more. [Finger over Klaus' lips again momentarily! And shakes his head under the water stream quickly!] It is okay if you have. That was then, this is now, but I'd prefer to know. [Drops the finger, mentally trying to brace himself!] Though I guess if you told SecUnit we're married?? [Ugh the hope, he can hear it in his own voice bluuuh. It'll be okay no matter what. Mostly no matter what. Need to lay out his battle plans lists and have his banner back so he knows where he is. That all behind him... are his. So his back is safe, enemy forward. Thats how he needs it.]
[Klaus smiles a little here] I know. I didn’t want it then. I do now. I hate it, though. It’s always terrible. And it’s more…knowing what to look for, I guess with the side effects of not drinking. And not doing drugs. Well…maybe pot, but that’s all. [But he might have to say no to everything. It depends.] I was gonna get Diego to tie me to a chair once, but Luther needed me, so I had to look for him. He decided the right choice was to get high and go clubbing. He wanted to be like me and not care about things. [Which was obviously the wrong impression]
I’m sorry about Yato. He came to bring me food one day and I was probably weird about it.
[And another of the five million reasons to love Nobunaga] I hope it’s not actually a problem for you, but I’ll be here if it is. It’s virtually impossible to avoid the alcohol on this boat, but I’ll do my best. Because I have to. For me. [A beat.] For me to get better, it’s necessary. [As for the other part…] I don’t regret my choice for what it was. I feel bad that it had to happen like that, but if it worked and did what it was supposed to, I don’t. My only regret was hurting you. [He looks down.] But even that has maybe helped us a little. To get here. Even if it sucked so bad.
[The mention about color has them concerned, though. That happened?] Are you… [They give him an apologetic look.] I’ll help you get your colors back if it’s the last thing I do. [Maybe a little overdramatic, but that’s what they do.]
[There’s a little shake of their head.] Bash kissed my neck, but he was drunk and he never drinks ever! I told him he couldn’t consent, so…I just let him sleep it off in the room. I mean, he passed out on the way to sleeping it off anyway. But nothing happened with anyone else. I couldn’t have consented really either. [They’re a little tense about the Bash stuff because they know how Nobunaga feels about him, but…it’s fine. Probably. But there’s something else to ask.] You’re concerned about safety? Like because I’m sick or is there something else?
"Knowing what to look out for." Expand on this. [It is really hard not to cover Klaus in kisses, but Nobunaga is still hesitant. He just uses his fingers to convey everything!!] I know what can happen in withdrawal. That's why I had the flask, but... [He gets an inkling between the two things, that it is why Klaus commiserated on a special level with Valdis.] Did I take advantage of Valdis' vulnerability in inviting her to bed with us?
[Valdis. Vulnerable. It's a hard slap to his system. He knew she hadn't been all there, but he hadn't thought too deeply on it. He knew his own desire to deal death, the power rush from killing, that sometimes the only thing he transitioned into was sex. Nobunaga shakes out his own hair, apologetically kisses between Klaus' shoulder blades so he can take his hand back, but puts one of Klaus' hands on him, constant contact, so neither of them felt lost! And scrubs out his hair with both hands. He needs to think!]
Safety because... it isn't good to use each other like addictions. I may have messed up my relationship with Valdis further back than I thought before, but this is good to know.
... Luther thinks you don't care about things? It is the exact opposite. You care the deepest, even when it's not about you, you feel the pain anyway. That is why I say you are so strong. Luther's not very... bright, is he? [Tentative placating kiss, and cleans Klaus with both hands now, and starts massaging Klaus!] I ask with love!
[As for Yato, yes! What a great God, Klaus doesn't suspect a thing!! Or is playing along. Nah, probably not.] Yato cares more about you than you realize. Not just because of me, but on your own merits. If any good came of the last two weeks, I hope you realize how many people would defend you, no matter what. And what the Captain did to him was... painful. He was nearly paralyzed, but still, you helped him. Don't underestimate that. [Kisses the shoulders, still massaging them happily! Chu!]
Just don't leave me again, I'm not strong enough a second time. That's not an ultimatum, it's a boundary. I'll try not to make it like it is only you doing something, but know, even in the heat of battle, sit on me and talk to me. Tell me everything, anything, your fears, and i will fix them. Just don't stop talking until I get it.
[There's a hard pinch of Klaus' spine at the base of the neck he's massaging at Bash's name, before he relaxes instantly. Oh wow, that's all? That's just how Klaus normally is with his friends. Okay. He kisses it apologetically, but gives a large rough bite to Klaus' shoulder purely to reassure himself that this was his husband. No letting go.]
Consent, is it?
[He addressed the safety thing, but--] I have not wanted anyone but you since we began. Or at least since Sharky's birthday. [There was only a week between, after all!] But more than that... [Both hands envelope one of Klaus' hands and hold it to his heart.] If I am sad, I cannot have sex. I must not let myself, or you, stop me from this mission until it is through. Then I will know the battle is over, the enemy spies, and their poison are routed. When I am physically one, and joined with you, I let myself feel safe. I must not until that is truly the case, or my senses will dull, and the very act itself would feel lesser. I will only accept the best, Lucky 4. From myself, and from you. No one else is the best, only you.
[Still holding both hands to his chest, he leans their foreheads together.] Valdis thought my calling her Gorgeous was for sex, it isn't. I was trying to say she had the power over me, but she probably felt it wasn't true, because I'm not able to--
Max Imum was in a bad way. High from cooking for people, feeling fulfilled so when he ran out? Useless, lost, needing someone to take control over him. I called Pratt, and Teyrey, and sent the two men mapping corners, and jogging flights of stairs. Though, I was a bit drunk, and pulled him by the tie. I couldn't help it. I can't imagine how hard it is in the future not to constantly choke anyone irksome. [Nobunaga...] This is what I mean as well, my spouse-in-crime, love of my life, soulmate by red threads of fate. It is very dangerous to mask the problem with decoration. It needs iron and rock. I will resolve every last fracture between us. And only then will I be sure that we are safe, nothing is hurting us inside out.
Did I ever tell you about Kitsuno? She died of plague. I wanted more medicine. More prosperity. [Tentatively checks on Klaus so he understands how much that does mean to him. Though Klaus once suggested it was unattainable.] And instead, the monks would tell me, it was just fate, the way of the gods. She was tortured by unseen forces, for no reason. [Turns Klaus around to kiss his forehead, rest their chests together, one hand laced again, the other cleeeeeaning!]
I still cannot abide playing by the rules of fate. You don't have to join me to still be on my side, or even protect me, but know that is where I'll be. A world that has such rules, is not a world worth respecting enough not to at least try. I am stubborn, the stubbornest of all time, perhaps. But--
[Yes. He's going to do it. Are you ready? Sing Mariah Carey!]
[Klaus looks down] Well, I know I'm going to be in a terrible mood by the end of...I guess today. I just have to be careful. There's very serious symptoms that could happen and...that's why reaching out to Watson is so important. [And it's anxiety inducing.] I've never had the seizures or DTs but that doesn't mean I might not somehow. If the hallucinations get really bad and I can't distinguish what's real and not real, just...make sure I'm safe. Please.
[He looks over for a moment.] I think we both did...but I don't think that we knew that at the time. But now that we do, I think...we have to be mindful of it. When there's a change that drastic, we have to be mindful that there's something else going on and figure out something else.
[They let out a slow breath, just kind of enjoying all the bathing stuff for a moment.] I think he just...sees me as not having problems or not getting caught up in them, really. I think when you're so...stuck up Dad's ass for your life and you see someone like me just being a person. Probably misread my life. Thought the drugs and the lack of giving a shit was a positive thing. Except I'm fucked up as shit.
Um...what merits? [Klaus didn't even know that Yato cared that much about him. He could be wrong, of course. They lean into the massaging anyway.] I didn't want him to die. And Ari has only so many arms. [He looks over at him for a moment.] I'll do my best, okay? To get my point across when I have to.
[There's a small noise of discomfort when he's pinched.] Owwww. [But the kiss makes up for it. And the bite is definitely not helping his resolve to not let himself get carried away. They really want to stop being really, really into being bitten sometimes.] Consent. Yes. [Klaus listens] Okay. That's fair. But...in that line of everything...probably keep the biting to a minimum because I can control myself, but it's like...I'm really into it. Especially when it's you. I want to make sure we're not making a mess for ourselves to clean up.
[Klaus closes his eyes.] Well, it's probably how it felt to her at the time. Maybe you could just...tell her that?
[The Max Imum nearly has them rolling, though, and they shove down the instinct to laugh, which is a lot easier when he keeps going. He's not supposed to pull other people by the tie unless they're together! Oh wait.] Max isn't irksome. Also you know his name isn't Max Imum, right? It's Max Maximum. There's two Maxes...Please tell me you know this and you haven't been calling him Max Imum this whole time. Unless he's like...in on the joke, I guess.
[They listen as Nobunaga speaks about Kitsuno. They're sure they know about her, but...that is still no less sad.] I'm sorry they couldn't have gotten her medicine and made her better. That's hard.
[Klaus presses a quick kiss to Nobuaga's lips. Chaste and simple. He doesn't want to push things somewhere they can't pull back from.] You're still so cute. I love you, too. Can I...ask for something else? If one of us dies...no matter why, I want us to always find each other when we wake up. No matter the hour. Even if we just go back to sleep together, that's all I want. And... [He looks down] I think we need to wait till we get ourselves together to ask Friday about rooming together. So we can make sure that it's the best thing for us. Okay?
[They lean against Nobunaga for a moment] Dave was the first person I ever really loved. The first person that made me feel like I was worth something and I wanted to be so much better than I was because he deserved it. And we deserved to be happy. I had no control in...anything that happened. But I would have given up my entire life to stay with him if I could have, but...there was nothing I could do. He got shot and I...I just had to press my hands on his chest and scream for the medics and no one came and he just...died. He died there with me and I went back with his blood still all over me. He deserved so much better and I wish I'd known that I would come back because I would have found a way to die to keep him safe if I could even if it meant he was so freaked out that he never wanted to be with me again. He'd be safe and alive. That's all that would have mattered to me.
Of course I will. Even if I have to tie you down and torture myself along with it.
Ugh... Magic is so annoying!
You're kind, you're brave, you're usually loyal, [SORRY KLAUS, he's working on it jeez!!!], you're smart, you're strong, you care so much about every damn person around you, even strangers, that's the only reason you ever seem like your loyalty is tested, because you're trying to protect everyone at all damn once, and you're reliable, and sweet like candy.
[He wants to bite him again, but stays good for now.] I did tell her that. But I realized I need to talk to you, work this out a lot, because I'm not going to be able to get a hold of myself until I do. I've given you a lot more of myself than I realized, and to separate it, we'd have to move on, and since neither of us want to, we won't. So I won't separate it, but I will cut out the poison, and cauterize these wounds, and then we will face the others together.
I have definitely been calling him Max Imum the whole time. And I think I will start calling him just Imum. Unless that is crossing a line with you?
[Ugh. Nobunaga's devastated that they can't just share a room yet. Klaus is right, but it doesn't stop the sorrow and pain, and Nobunaga has to wash his face off in the shower, because tears.] Hai... Yes.
[He's able to handle his emotions so much better when Klaus leans against him for support and talks about Dave. He just wraps both arms around Klaus, gently cleaning the very last of their fronts and listening.]
You are worth it. You're worth... everything. I don't care how much I have to deal with. The world can be destroyed infinitely. I'll keep fighting so long as I have breath to see you again. No matter what. You'll always wake up to my face and vice versa.
Understand, when I don't agree with you, I'm not always failing to take you into consideration. Sometimes I fuck up, sometimes what I think I need is wrong, and I'm just used to my army, my rules, but you are not in my army. You are my spouse-in-crime. So I will always remember this, but I might need reminders.
However, I am not Reginald Hargreaves. You will never reach a point that you stop being useful to me, or too much effort. I like the effort. It lets me prove my strength, understand? [Kisses Klaus' shoulders! Biting is out but kisses??? So long as it's not the front, Nobunaga will lose his own damn mind then!] Sometimes you will have to grab my face to make sure I cannot be distracted. You will have to say, "I am most important, so you will listen to me, and I don't care that there is murder going on behind us." That is the difference between you and my army, got it? You are the only one who can, so you must. Even Yato said, he won't ever make me choose my loyalty to him or you. He's a god, he knows patience sucks, but he's lived a long damn time, he is better at waiting. That's your privilege as spouse-in-crime so you may abuse it freely, okay?
[He feels healed. A lot. Super duper healed. Maybe not 100%, but definitely even more than before the trial.]
I can't refrain from things just because it might make you cry. That WILL get us killed. I've never had that before, so I'm not mad at myself, and certainly never you. But from now on, I have to trust you to be strong enough, understand? So that gives you liberties too. Use them as you will. But know, even if you cry and I still do something, it's not because it doesn't hurt me. [Leans against the shower wall, and turns Klaus around, holding their hand to his heart.] Like a thousand knives directly to my heart and soul. It hurts. But it means that whatever I'm doing that's how strong my belief, my conviction is. So you must take your own control of it, understand? [Kisses Klaus' forehead!] Act to do what makes you happiest. Whether that is sitting on me to yell at me, throwing a pie at someone, or something brilliant we can't think of until the moment. I will empower your freedom, but I never want you to feel helpless and do nothing ever again. Do anything. And believe in me to help you see through what you really want. Agreed? Fair contract? [Just leans into him, breathing in their scent!!! His Klaus!]
Thanks. And if things get out of hand, get Watson. He's got medical training.
[This is just getting a lot of blushing because they're still in a weird place about compliments, but they appreciate them all the same.] I love you. I love the way you see me.
[There's a small nod at that.] I don't want to separate. I want us to be stronger and if there's anything to help you, then I want to do it, too.
Hm? Is calling him Imum like...because you want to date him or just being playful?
[Klaus is very sorry, but if their problems aren't fixed before they move in together, that's not going to help either of them. And that's assuming they can move in together.] I'm sorry, babe.
[They listen to the words and they're feeling so much more relaxed now.] Good. I feel that way about you, too.
[He lets out a breath and nods at the words] I think I'm starting to understand that. I have to rethink how I look at things sometimes. That's...I keep telling you to do that and you told me to with Ari and I was being a brat about it and...I'm sorry. Sometimes I need to listen to you more, too. [A beat.] And you were right about me. Hanging my worth too much on what I can do for others. I was talking to Erin and it came up and I was annoyed that you were right...but you were.
[There's a soft sniffle. Being worthless is a thing that kills him, but...it's good to know that there's someone that will never see them as worthless. And the kisses make him happy.] I will do my best to be strong enough to insert myself as much as I need to but not get too bad about it.
[There's a little nod.] We're both probably going to cry at some point, but as long as we make it better after and as long as we're always willing to walk it out and work together, I can deal with it. [They snort] Can I just say I agree and have it not be about fair contracts?
[There's a small breath] Also I need you to know that I appreciate you. I appreciate how kind you are even when you claim that you're evil and terrible. It's very wrong. You're not. You're sweet and good and you care about the people that are close to you. You love being called cute even when you say you hate it. You just bite because you don't know how to deal with the fact that you like being cute. At least when it's me. And I know you're dramatic and over the top but I like that about you. Except when you make me want to shake you. And you're always willing to listen to me even when I'm not listening all the time, too. You see me pretty clearly.
[They reach for his hand.] I can't wait to be married to you in front of everyone and not just us. And I'm glad we're married in our hearts. I want to be with you forever or until we're old and sad and we probably die...but hopefully next to each other in our sleep.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
After a moment, they just pull themselves up off the floor, starting to undress because this is a shower and it's probably fair because they haven't really showered a lot recently. It's just been a sort of self care downgrade.]
no subject
Do I need to get soaps? [He got so much at the resort, but it's all in his room which he hasn't been to except for clothes, and even then because it beat Tommy Bahamas where they somehow(?!) spent more time together.] I guess if you don't have enough here, this is just a rinse, but you should try again without me.
no subject
Ugh, but Erin said they needed to talk.] I...don't remember everything that happened...exactly. Last night.
no subject
[HOW IS KLAUS SEXY EVEN IN GRAYSCALE?!?!?! IS THERE LITERALLY ANYTHING THIS IS GOOD FOR?!?!?]
[He wants pictures. Oh. He has some... Somewhere.]
[At least he's still too fucked up to get turned on.]
[Down to the bare minimum but still covered head to toe in clothes, he'll just... burn the pants later maybe. Or launder them, what the fuck ever.]
[And climbs in, to help Klaus shower. Just bros being bros. No homo. Even though they're married. Yes. And have done this before much sexier. Whatever. It's fine.]
I sent you a song. Perhaps that was cruel. [Well, no. It was cruel, but he's a sadist, so.] It seemed more important at the time. And less like I was trying to romance you than if I sent you an emoji haiku.
I did offer to bring presents, but that wasn't to romance you either, just a shameless bribe to make sure you weren't dying.
[Scrubs Klaus hair! SO PRETTY! Highly neglected!] You should ask Jeff what he uses for his hair. It might not work the same, but I think he could help.
no subject
[Klaus puts his left hand up to help him balance. If Nobunaga’s paying attention, the very obvious umbrella tattoo on his forearm was not there the last time they spoke. Stupid Umbrella Academy.
It actually feels nice to be in the shower and nicer still to have someone washing his hair. It’s just also mildly annoying that it’s Nobunaga right now.]
I remember…something? Not really the words. [But it’ll be there on the phone.] I don’t feel incredibly romanced, so…I guess you managed not to romance me since you didn’t want to. [And they’re not really sure why they feel mad about that.]
Why do I care what Jeff uses? [It takes all his power not to tell Nobunaga to maybe marry Jeff’s shampoo out of petulance. Jeff’s not bad people and Klaus doesn’t want to say mean things about him. There’s a sigh and they close their eyes, head tilting slightly into the fingers scrubbing it.] Sorry.
no subject
[Nobunaga hasn't taken off the 4 tattoo, and never will, but it's covered up right now.]
[................ Jealous Klaus is so cute and Nobunaga starts to smile, bend over to kiss Klaus' shoulders -- and jerks himself back hard well before he gets anywhere Klaus could have easily sensed it. Nobunaga's crying, but hopes it can't be seen in the shower. Luckily his eyes are colored red normally.]
He's like a baby brother to me. I only have one person I have ever married.
[He's not gentle, but he's not rough about cleaning Klaus. Just hollow. Machine.]
You told me not to compare you to my ex. [My OTHER ex????] Kichou. [He's not sure if another name will upset Klaus, but it needs clarification.] I wrote the rule into my heart.
no subject
They notice the different in how Nobunaga's washing them because it's happened before and he's usually very gentle about it. Not that it's hurting, but...it's not the same and that makes them sad...and then mad. So...you know...smad.]
Oh. [That makes sense. Why did he compare them? Wait? Does he have this memory? They squint. Nope. No.] That guy sucks. Do you think we're similar? Do I suck? Wait. Don't answer that last one. I don't want to know.
no subject
[UGH At the questions...]
[Nobunaga pulls back, huddles up he knees and jobs sobs more... 100% silently, but REALLY FUCKING OBVIOUSLY.]
Because... [It's with torturous anguish (he's SORRY Yato, he's trying to FIX IT HE SWEARS!!!!) he gets the word out, focuses on breathing (steal my breath................)] You didn't... [Breathe. Sniffle. He's fine.] Tell me. Anything. [Okay. He can stop sobbing. Just silent tears. But it's a shower. Of course he's wet.] Not even what I did wrong.
[Oh. So. Gently. Just... not quite pokes, but touches Klaus with the soap. Like poking a moth away from a flame. So very hesitantly.]
no subject
But the crying does become obvious and the pulling away. They turn around, frowning a little as they look at him, huddled down on the floor of the shower. They don't sit down with him because...there's not like so much space. So they're just...standing there awkwardly.]
You...you said you were going to cut Valdis out for being weak and not...standing up against the rules and I... [There is a little bit of shame as they say the next part.] I didn't...want you to leave me...so I left. [Now they're crying. Stupid crying!] I didn't want to be some weak, worthless person you were going to end up regretting and I couldn't watch it happen and I was...scared. I was scared you were going to realize I wasn't worth it. This. Us. Everything.
[There's really no point in wiping the tears away at this point.] And sometimes you get so stubborn and you don't listen. I told you both it was enough and...I know Yato has no reason to listen to me, but I thought...I thought you might actually consider that...I... [A soft sniffle] I thought you might listen. But you just called Valdis weak and then acted like everything was fine and I...it wasn't fine. That whole night wasn't fine, but you didn't make it better or easier. You just made yourself look like an asshole.
[He groans in frustration here.] And I know you care about people. You do, but sometimes...sometimes... [Will this vague gesturing help make their point? Probably not, but here it is.] I can't figure out if something's a good idea if I don't even know what the idea is.
no subject
[Nobunaga DESPERATELY wants to drag Klaus in for hard rough kisses, but just drags him, forehead to forehead.]
You. Stupid. You can't. Leave. We're married. You're my spouse-partner-in-crime. You're supposed to-- [Hiccup. CRYING INTENSIFIES.] Fight Crime with me. And injustices-- [Hiccup wants kisses, FEARS DESPERATELY THE REJECTION AGAIN. HE CANNOT!] Need. You. Trust. You. Spouse. Partner. Why? [Drags Klaus onto his lap and rests his chin over their shoulder.] You're. My... everything. My everything. I tried to even... tell you... when you walked away... I wasn't mad... needed you... but you -- [HICCUP!] Sided with rules?????? I don't understand.
I am an asshole, but have I ever hurt you like that? Have I ever abandoned you? You left me on the floor Klaus. [Oh. Maybe that's not a big deal to Klaus. alskdjal;dkjas;dlkjas;djk Stupid Klaus and floors.] I'm not like you... [Sniffle. Cry.] I don't... floor... if I don't... I can keep... [Sniffle. Sniffle.]
[WAHHHHHH.] You could have... asked. I've never lied to you. [Cry!] Told you I'd take care of it, stupid!!!! [Donks his head into Klaus' shoulder.] You sided with crowd over me. You said I deserve -- [WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH So much crying.] You. Best thing. Ever. But I'm -- [Sniffle cry.] Next. What happens when magic gunblade gets magic energy and attacks people and me and Yato didn't do anything??? [Cry. Cry. CRY.] Skuldug's wrong. It's not about him. [Attempts to gently set Klaus down on his back, face out of the water at least and lay on his chest, and fuck it, loses the shirt at least, feels stupid at this point.] It's about the people who loved those who died. Captain's more wrong. Sacrifice is never right. I don't care what magic demands. And neither should you. You hate death more than anyone else I know, so why were you against me? Why??? No one had to die my way.
I failed Yato... he says I didn't. I couldn't. But he -- [Hiccup.] I got scared! I was SO scared! [Sobs into Klaus' chest.] When Valdis went against us, I was scared. I thought "If I die, or get really injured from her, Klaus will cry." [Violently hiccups and gently headbutts his head to under Klaus' chin! DEEP BREATH. Okay. Better. The other thing is -- he has in his contract to protect Klaus, not to do anything he wouldn't let/order Teyrey to. He would not want her to fight Valdis. THEREFORE...] Yato wouldn't let me die. Or be scared. So then we couldn't cut the rules. He made me turn back. But we weren't going to hurt the Captain. I told you. And then he wouldn't call me or let me help when the Captain hurt him...
Do you hate me? [Crying!]
no subject
[They’re not really sure how or why they’re being put on their back, but then they’re there and still crying.] I TOLD YOU I WAS SCARED Y— [This is a lot of yelling] I was scared you weren’t going to want me anymore and I’m…I’m not as strong as you think I am. [If they were, they certainly wouldn’t be clinging the way they are now or crying or just letting themselves be moved around in this shower.] Skulduggery asked. What if that’s the only way to free himself of that part of him? What if he’s so scared of hurting others again, he needed to make sure he held himself accountable? What if, by stopping the Captain and cutting ties you made it impossible for that to happen and he had to live with the very real possibility that he’d constantly kill his friends and loved ones and anyone else that got in his way over and over? Sometimes we can’t hates things and rules so much we destroy them because…because then it hurts more. So he made the person he loves the most do it because that’s the only way it’ll work. Or the Captain knew he had to do it and that was the only way.
[He can’t help but think about this.] I don’t hate you. [The words are so quiet, but he’s said them anyway.] But…remember what I said about things you say and so affecting people. You hurt Valdis very badly. You hurt me very badly. So listen and ask me before and if the evidence still points there, I’ll support you.
no subject
[Stupid infinite possibilities magic.]
[It shuts him up, trying so damn hard to think it through. He can't say there's a single reason it could not be just as Klaus said. He hates magic.]
[Nobunaga can't say for certain that it wasn't the case. But he hates it more than anything. And he tries so very hard not be motivated on serious things by hate. He was right about one thing though, Klaus would say Nobunaga just didn't get it.]
[The only sticking point:]
I hurt Valdis? She went against me, scared me so much Yato rejected me 3 times, drained my soul until I couldn't stand, could barely speak, and you're worried about her more than me?
Did you get married to her when I wasn't looking?
I know it's my responsibility, but she didn't know what I was doing and didn't think to ask. You neither. Mr. Communication. You said--
[Starts crying again but does his best to face Klaus.]
I'm not as smart as you think I am and you know it! [Does that make sense? No? Whatever, it's the intent, right?!] If you don't tell me things, how will I know? I didn't know Arthur's blind! Because I had to be told! I can't tell these things! I need your help! You could have just--
Yelled at me. Sat down, told me to keep my hands to myself, because you were mad at me. Told me what I can't see! Told me that Ava would have said to stop being stupid, and fought with me about it! Anything but leave me on the floor! That's the worst! That's like saying, I'm the worst! That's what I deserve! To be walked on for being too weak! I thought you'd protect me like my sheathe! I was scared!! [Wail!]
Instead you got swept away by everyone's emotions except mine, but mine should be the ones that matter most to you... [Cries!!!]
If I didn't change the rules, then aren't I next???? My cursed blades, or magical version of mizune gunblade that just kills people I love. I can say, "Yeah, but Klaus is smarter and stronger than the Captain, he'd actually stop it," but it's not a matter of prevention it's after that-- [Hiccup.] It's about trying anything no matter what. The Captain deserves to be free too!! What kind of freedom is all this pain?!
[Another gentle headbutt chin nudge!] I thought that's why you're my partner in crime. You didn't... give me a chance. And you didn't reach out to me either, stupid! I've been broken for weeks! And hurting Yato! And I can't fix it. Gods can't save anybody, it has to come from other people! If the Captain really wants to be a God, then he has to learn what that actually means.
[Quietly after he can breathe and calmly-ish:]
I love you. I want to be married. We are in my heart. I told the Japanese: Yato and Yuuki. Some things never change. They ignored it. [The WEAKEST of laughs.]
no subject
[There's another long sigh] Don't push me or I might get married to her when you're not looking. [That is a lie. They have no intention of marrying Valdis and they know Valdis wouldn't marry them either.
It's taking all of their patience and wherewithal not to just turn them both over with Nobunaga on the bottom because...it's just...ugh.] Yeah, but like you said, I thought you didn't want me and I was scared and I couldn't be there because I was upset. Maybe I didn't react well, but...but...I couldn't help it.
[Yeah, okay, they are turning this car around...also known as Nobunaga is going on the bottom of this uncomfortable shower situation that Klaus really doesn't want to have to explain to Eddie. His head is pounding and he feels like he's dying, but...god.]
What if I'm not smarter or stronger than the Captain? But we don't know how to free him and...[They close their eyes against a moment of wooziness] I can't get swept away by only your emotions at the detriment of my own because...because I...I can't...I'm not taking possession of a majority of the blame for anything here. You were being a dick and I love you, but...
[They kind of hate everything about this conversation right now.] I understand that you feel betrayed. I feel the same. We hurt each other, but we...we have to...you can't make plans with only Yato and expect us all to fall in line. And sometimes...I need you to take me at my word and not tell me I'm weak for seeing things in a different way.
This situation was far more complicated and complex than either of us probably understand and it's not going to help either of us going back and forth about whose fault it was more. We can't be a power couple people are jealous of if we're not being reasonable sometimes.
I'm sorry I didn't reach out sooner and that I left without explanation and that I hurt your feelings. I really am. I'm sorry I didn't just ask you the things that I thought up in my head because I was scared of the answer. But I'm not sorry that Valdis stopped you. You can't go all demon king on us and expect us to react to it the way you think we should. Okay? So sometimes that voice in your head that tells you to go harder and stronger and act like an asshole needs to be told to shut the fuck up. Got it?
[There's a quiet moment here before:] I love you too. So...don't go breaking my heart...okay?
Now excuse me cause I feel sick again.
no subject
[Instead... deflates completely.]
[In the end... it doesn't matter. Even if Nobunaga was right, he can't fix it by trying to defend that. That's not how people, life, politics, and all of it works. He DOES know better. He still wants to rage at Klaus, or at least bite him, but fuck it. It's not fair to always force Klaus to be the adult, right? Well, almost always. A LOT.]
[He gets it. Klaus couldn't handle it. He got overwhelmed. Nobunaga wonders idly if he had a pact with Valdis too, but definitely not before, not when Klaus always told him they did stuff together. He'd just said Nobunaga needed to respect Valdis' better or he'd give him the silent treatment. So. Great. Again, Nobunaga is annoyed, but he's numb enough, and HAS to assume the fault is his own as a tactician to work around this, because it's ineffective to do anything else. He can change HIMSELF, not them.]
[He puts up zero resistance to Klaus, he has none, just lays on the floor. It's uncomfy. Klaus deserves better than floors. At least Nobunaga still has pants on, okay.]
I don't want you to-- [Lose sight of himself, obviously. But the rest, Nobunaga just lets Klaus talk.]
[Nobunaga does feel betrayed. And abandoned. -- Except for Teyrey obvs. But even VALDIS had his back better!] I didn't plan anything with Yato! [He can't help it, he meant to be--] By the time I was ready to get him and say hang waiting for Teyrey and Valdis, the Captain called us. I planned ONLY with you! And that wasn't enough either!
[He wants to push Klaus off and fight, but he doesn't, red eyes just narrow.] I didn't call you weak for disagreeing with me. [All low growls.]
[He'll listen, completely, but he can't ignore that one or it'll fester and hurt them both, he knows.]
[He doesn't give a fuck about blame either. He'll take all of it, he usually does, because it's faster, effective, just --]
[Even on the floor tiles, all the hair on his neck and spine stand on end ready to fight.]
[He's not demanding everyone stand with him, maybe just not against him, maybe just tell him and -- no, he's NOT going to tell his instincts to shut up, or they'll all die.] Stop thinking I was willing to risk you, I told you trying to do otherwise is what got me in trouble, pa--
[And... they all fall. The hairs, the anger, his tense shoulder muscles.]
[He tsun-glances sideways and sings the Elton John song.] I won't go breaking your heart. [Just the one line, but a promise. Because Nobunaga's heart WAS broken. Did Klaus understand that yet? It could get worse though so. He just lays on the floor. Klaus would have to move first, after all.]
no subject
[The growl is well...not entirely unexpected.] That's...how it sounded. To me. I'm sorry. [But that begs the question] Why did you call us weak, then?
[Klaus would comment more, but they need to throw up again...but thankfully for everyone involved, it's not on Nobunaga...because imagine how embarrassing that would be?
Instead there's just vomit. Don't mind them as they brush their teeth really quick afterwards. This has been gross and also...well...
They're just gonna come back to the shower in the middle of gargling mouthwash, very careful not to spit it on Nobuaga, but down the drain. Anyway. Now that that's done...he considers Nobunaga again.] I'm sorry I hurt you. [Said it before, but important enough to say it again. He's just going to reach out a hand to help Nobunaga off the floor. If he doesn't seem too upset, they'll give him a quick kiss because...well...they don't know if it's something Nobunaga even wants right then. He could be too mad for kisses or...or...not in the mood for them.
There's definitely more stuff to talk about, but Klaus has missed his boyfriend/fiance/husband.]
no subject
[All of Klaus' words sink in, but he can't begin to address them. He didn't call Klaus weak. The ACTION of --]
[No.]
[It's not about Nobunaga.]
[He needs to hear to the motivations. Oda stopped for a bit with Klaus. He was just trusting Klaus, but that's over. He needs to hear the motivations underneath. Klaus felt weak. Klaus felt useless. Klaus felt like he was watching Nobunaga fight, while doing nothing, while letting everything happen. Klaus couldn't change it himself, the best he could was try to make Nobunaga change it, because Nobunaga said someone not strong enough to fight to change the rules would be too weak to survive if/when it happens to Nobunaga next. It didn't matter the words, it's the meaning, the motivations, the fears underneath it all.]
[Luckily he's had a talk with Jeff too.]
[Nobunaga doesn't have time to respond, to process, before the kiss.]
[His heart's still broken, but it's like a tsunami. He wasn't noticing the receding shoreline, because he was thinking on other things, but he instantly surges into the kiss, desperately hungrily kissing Klaus back giving everything he's got, not just muscle memory, but water to a man dying of dehydration. He holds Klaus' body skintight against his own, his mind already racing ahead to the usual places, where to take this next, what to do with it, but a quick sweep of his tongue and he lets it go.]
I'm still hurt. [One kiss, a really REALLY long intense kiss, making every other kiss they'd ever shared seem like pecks if that.]
[But that's all. Then breathing, and holding a finger between their lips, Nobuanga's eyes closed.] I've never had my heart broken before, and I won't survive it happening again, Klaus. And it's not fixed yet. I have to find this poison, and cut it out, no matter how much it hurts us both, because otherwise we'll die. Do you understand? [He removes the finger and gives Klaus an even more forceful kiss, both hands on the back of Klaus head, and a low groan of all the want and longing of WEEKS of every single pent up frustration, emotion, desire, all the times he wanted to message him or joke with him just in a single damned kiss like it might be his very last of life itself, so make it count! IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou.]
no subject
I know. [Klaus is still hurt, too, but...they're going to have to figure something out and it feels like such a long time since they've seen each other. Even longer than the two or so weeks that it's been.
Klaus assumes this finger is to keep him from talking, from saying anything before he's done and that's...well...not really a new thing, so he's quiet. They are about to respond when they're met with another kiss and the world seems to melt away for a moment and yeah...the nakedness has not helped hide that the kisses are affecting him. But he wants to reply so...once he gets the chance to...] I know it's not fixed yet. I'll give you time if you need it. I'd understand.
no subject
I have a lot of thoughts. I think... you felt helpless. You felt powerless. That is why you thought me and Yato had a plan. We did not. We were too disorganized. That is why we all failed. It isn't even that I thought all of you I trusted, would be with me. It is just that it has been... A very long time, Klaus, that I have been on a field where I do trust everyone to do different things, but no one was working to the same outcome. Yato and I -- We have worked a lot out. You need to know, I am not protecting him. He is protecting me, and then I am protecting you. He can't cut anything I don't want to, but I can cut things like fate and rules when we're together. That is why it seemed like we were planning. We didn't even agree, that is why he ordered me to revert, but we are of like minds. We are a lot alike, even among Japanese. We are both very defiant, and we do not resign to fate, so even if he or I were the only ones without each other... we would have done the same.
Do you want a more thorough shower? I interrupted us, but I will get truly naked now if you wish. You are respecting my space, and I cannot act... sexually... until we are fixed, but I can go as slowly with this conversation as you need, but I have over two weeks of taking care of you to make up for.
And this is another thing.
There will be no more one-sided-ness. It isn't just you trying to buffer me against the world. You will die if you try. And then I will break again. It is never just me taking care of you, and you trying to hold me back. These things are impossible. It is, I spoil you, this makes me happy that I am doing something I can see the immediate effects of. You take care of me, because even I am a mess and not able to do things for myself I need. We both complete each other, and fill in each other's weak spots, agreed? We both have weaknesses, and you know all of mine. That doesn't make me weak. You are still the strongest person I've ever known. And I will make it my job to make sure you feel that way too, not just hear it, but know it. And that will shut that voice up.
[Rests their foreheads together! A happier hum. A lot of the anguish is fading at least. First steps.] And more importantly, we are a team. Partners. Spouses-in-crime. [GET IT??? Ayyyyyyyyy.] There will be no martyrdom. You are not to be protected from a safe distance where you must just watch helplessly as people you love die. That is unfair. And you stronger than that. You are able to take what happened before and use it now to save me. And I need you to from now on.
I will teach you more weapons. I can never ever ever promise you I will not be in danger. You saw those who died. The magics are unavoidable. But the solution isn't for me to stay out of danger. You felt powerless, like you couldn't act, that is why you felt weak. It isn't enough to say, "Klaus is strong," if you don't know what to do with it, of course you cannot act in those moments or make a decision. So I will empower you to make your own choices. Promise me, that you meant what you said about wanting to become a weapon who chooses all on your own, not me, not your father, not the Captain either, just you, what you do with it, yes? I will never ever, on this broken heart, and all our time together, I vow, I will never ever demand you agree with me on anything. I need you to think for yourself, my love. So if you do, if you take all this, and use your courage to act as you wish, I will always enable that, understood?
[SIGHS AND HUGS KLAUS TIGHTLY! And covers the top of his wet head with kisses!] And lastly we must talk about Dave. It can wait, but not forever. You can choose where to start, you can choose when to stop, you can choose everything about it, if you need breaks or not. But only when it is all dug up enough will we move into the future, understood? So the longer you push it off, the longer this will go. And I will not give up. Not ever. I am here for eternity. [Ties imaginary ropes around their wrists!] You and me. Spouses in crime.
Are these terms acceptable? Fair contract?
no subject
This is the Nobunaga he’s been trying to get everyone to see and he’s happy to see it now.
The not being sexual together until things are resolved makes sense, but definitely a shift. One Klaus will honor because it’s what’s been asked of them.]
You two and the fair contracts. I love you so much. More than everything. So I’m with you. I’ll be with you.
[And here’s a big, terrifying thing to add to it all] I’ll talk about Dave. I will. I didn’t mean to make him Umbrella forever. But…I have to add something else. I’m…[There’s a slight pause.] I told Valdis earlier that I need to stop drinking. I’m leaning on it too heavily. I’ve been sleeping everywhere and feeling like shit since this whole thing and it’s…it’s not working anymore. All of it. It’s hurting me worse than it’s helping me. I’m going to reach out to Dr. Watson. So he can keep an eye on things.
[They reach out for him, fingers twining together.] I’ve done it before and never really meant it. But I want to mean it. So if I lean on you a little soon, that’s why. I’m…scared. Of that. But if we’re a team, then it will be easier because I can lean on you when I feel like shit and you can lean on me.
[They look at him for a moment.] I agree to all your terms and I feel more seen and heard. Thank you. I want to make sure you feel the same for the rest of my life. We’ll start planning our Konpeito wedding once we work through everything else, okay? I want that. I want us. [There’s a slight sag of relief at those words and Klaus nuzzles up against Nobunaga.] But probably we should actually shower and sleep first. I love you.
no subject
[Even so, back to shower. Cleaning Klaus is one of his greatest jobs in life. Like tending weapons.] I feel like I'm forgetting something important. Not Teyrey, I will text her when we are in bed. Not Eddie, though I will ask his forgiveness for the state of us before. Yato will also do better with some sleep, I'm afraid I've been hurting him. Hmmmm...
It will come back to me. I will stay dry with you now. So as not to tempt you. Set a good example, as Teyrey wrote in our contract. I do not think my withdrawal will be so bad, but you should know, we're in it together yes? That is the other reason you must not fail. You said before, rehab told you to do it for yourself or it won't stick. I think that's only partially true. You must also do it for people you care about, or they cannot be your motivation either. When I said my final piece, forced Teyrey to defend an untenable position, I think, I hope everyone did choose what they thought they wanted. It's okay to disagree or fight me. Most of my soldiers did oppose me in the past, so long as you have no regrets, and have strong convictions behind your stance.
Klaus... I don't want to hide this from you, so I won't. [Kisses their knuckles, and lathers shampoo carefully with his free hand into Klaus' hair.] I cannot see colors yet. I didn't die, I don't think it was the Captain. It happened before. When I thought I was possessed and turned into the Demon King of 6th Heaven officially. Back then, I thought, it resolved because I pulled Japan out of hell. Yuuki thinks it's psychological. An effect of trauma. [Scrubby scrubby! Love the Klaus!!! Love love love love.] I am not worried, and I do not wish to worry Teyrey, I did tell Valdis and Yato though. It will resolve, but... don't ever doubt the effect you have on me.
[Kisses their cheek!] Oh and I absolutely have not had sex this whole time. My desire to wait with you is for safety, nothing more. [Finger over Klaus' lips again momentarily! And shakes his head under the water stream quickly!] It is okay if you have. That was then, this is now, but I'd prefer to know. [Drops the finger, mentally trying to brace himself!] Though I guess if you told SecUnit we're married?? [Ugh the hope, he can hear it in his own voice bluuuh. It'll be okay no matter what. Mostly no matter what. Need to lay out his battle plans lists and have his banner back so he knows where he is. That all behind him... are his. So his back is safe, enemy forward. Thats how he needs it.]
no subject
I’m sorry about Yato. He came to bring me food one day and I was probably weird about it.
[And another of the five million reasons to love Nobunaga] I hope it’s not actually a problem for you, but I’ll be here if it is. It’s virtually impossible to avoid the alcohol on this boat, but I’ll do my best. Because I have to. For me. [A beat.] For me to get better, it’s necessary. [As for the other part…] I don’t regret my choice for what it was. I feel bad that it had to happen like that, but if it worked and did what it was supposed to, I don’t. My only regret was hurting you. [He looks down.] But even that has maybe helped us a little. To get here. Even if it sucked so bad.
[The mention about color has them concerned, though. That happened?] Are you… [They give him an apologetic look.] I’ll help you get your colors back if it’s the last thing I do. [Maybe a little overdramatic, but that’s what they do.]
[There’s a little shake of their head.] Bash kissed my neck, but he was drunk and he never drinks ever! I told him he couldn’t consent, so…I just let him sleep it off in the room. I mean, he passed out on the way to sleeping it off anyway. But nothing happened with anyone else. I couldn’t have consented really either. [They’re a little tense about the Bash stuff because they know how Nobunaga feels about him, but…it’s fine. Probably. But there’s something else to ask.] You’re concerned about safety? Like because I’m sick or is there something else?
no subject
[Valdis. Vulnerable. It's a hard slap to his system. He knew she hadn't been all there, but he hadn't thought too deeply on it. He knew his own desire to deal death, the power rush from killing, that sometimes the only thing he transitioned into was sex. Nobunaga shakes out his own hair, apologetically kisses between Klaus' shoulder blades so he can take his hand back, but puts one of Klaus' hands on him, constant contact, so neither of them felt lost! And scrubs out his hair with both hands. He needs to think!]
Safety because... it isn't good to use each other like addictions. I may have messed up my relationship with Valdis further back than I thought before, but this is good to know.
... Luther thinks you don't care about things? It is the exact opposite. You care the deepest, even when it's not about you, you feel the pain anyway. That is why I say you are so strong. Luther's not very... bright, is he? [Tentative placating kiss, and cleans Klaus with both hands now, and starts massaging Klaus!] I ask with love!
[As for Yato, yes! What a great God, Klaus doesn't suspect a thing!! Or is playing along. Nah, probably not.] Yato cares more about you than you realize. Not just because of me, but on your own merits. If any good came of the last two weeks, I hope you realize how many people would defend you, no matter what. And what the Captain did to him was... painful. He was nearly paralyzed, but still, you helped him. Don't underestimate that. [Kisses the shoulders, still massaging them happily! Chu!]
Just don't leave me again, I'm not strong enough a second time. That's not an ultimatum, it's a boundary. I'll try not to make it like it is only you doing something, but know, even in the heat of battle, sit on me and talk to me. Tell me everything, anything, your fears, and i will fix them. Just don't stop talking until I get it.
[There's a hard pinch of Klaus' spine at the base of the neck he's massaging at Bash's name, before he relaxes instantly. Oh wow, that's all? That's just how Klaus normally is with his friends. Okay. He kisses it apologetically, but gives a large rough bite to Klaus' shoulder purely to reassure himself that this was his husband. No letting go.]
Consent, is it?
[He addressed the safety thing, but--] I have not wanted anyone but you since we began. Or at least since Sharky's birthday. [There was only a week between, after all!] But more than that... [Both hands envelope one of Klaus' hands and hold it to his heart.] If I am sad, I cannot have sex. I must not let myself, or you, stop me from this mission until it is through. Then I will know the battle is over, the enemy spies, and their poison are routed. When I am physically one, and joined with you, I let myself feel safe. I must not until that is truly the case, or my senses will dull, and the very act itself would feel lesser. I will only accept the best, Lucky 4. From myself, and from you. No one else is the best, only you.
[Still holding both hands to his chest, he leans their foreheads together.] Valdis thought my calling her Gorgeous was for sex, it isn't. I was trying to say she had the power over me, but she probably felt it wasn't true, because I'm not able to--
Max Imum was in a bad way. High from cooking for people, feeling fulfilled so when he ran out? Useless, lost, needing someone to take control over him. I called Pratt, and Teyrey, and sent the two men mapping corners, and jogging flights of stairs. Though, I was a bit drunk, and pulled him by the tie. I couldn't help it. I can't imagine how hard it is in the future not to constantly choke anyone irksome. [Nobunaga...] This is what I mean as well, my spouse-in-crime, love of my life, soulmate by red threads of fate. It is very dangerous to mask the problem with decoration. It needs iron and rock. I will resolve every last fracture between us. And only then will I be sure that we are safe, nothing is hurting us inside out.
Did I ever tell you about Kitsuno? She died of plague. I wanted more medicine. More prosperity. [Tentatively checks on Klaus so he understands how much that does mean to him. Though Klaus once suggested it was unattainable.] And instead, the monks would tell me, it was just fate, the way of the gods. She was tortured by unseen forces, for no reason. [Turns Klaus around to kiss his forehead, rest their chests together, one hand laced again, the other cleeeeeaning!]
I still cannot abide playing by the rules of fate. You don't have to join me to still be on my side, or even protect me, but know that is where I'll be. A world that has such rules, is not a world worth respecting enough not to at least try. I am stubborn, the stubbornest of all time, perhaps. But--
[Yes. He's going to do it. Are you ready? Sing Mariah Carey!]
I will always love yooooouuuuu.
no subject
[He looks over for a moment.] I think we both did...but I don't think that we knew that at the time. But now that we do, I think...we have to be mindful of it. When there's a change that drastic, we have to be mindful that there's something else going on and figure out something else.
[They let out a slow breath, just kind of enjoying all the bathing stuff for a moment.] I think he just...sees me as not having problems or not getting caught up in them, really. I think when you're so...stuck up Dad's ass for your life and you see someone like me just being a person. Probably misread my life. Thought the drugs and the lack of giving a shit was a positive thing. Except I'm fucked up as shit.
Um...what merits? [Klaus didn't even know that Yato cared that much about him. He could be wrong, of course. They lean into the massaging anyway.] I didn't want him to die. And Ari has only so many arms. [He looks over at him for a moment.] I'll do my best, okay? To get my point across when I have to.
[There's a small noise of discomfort when he's pinched.] Owwww. [But the kiss makes up for it. And the bite is definitely not helping his resolve to not let himself get carried away. They really want to stop being really, really into being bitten sometimes.] Consent. Yes. [Klaus listens] Okay. That's fair. But...in that line of everything...probably keep the biting to a minimum because I can control myself, but it's like...I'm really into it. Especially when it's you. I want to make sure we're not making a mess for ourselves to clean up.
[Klaus closes his eyes.] Well, it's probably how it felt to her at the time. Maybe you could just...tell her that?
[The Max Imum nearly has them rolling, though, and they shove down the instinct to laugh, which is a lot easier when he keeps going. He's not supposed to pull other people by the tie unless they're together! Oh wait.] Max isn't irksome. Also you know his name isn't Max Imum, right? It's Max Maximum. There's two Maxes...Please tell me you know this and you haven't been calling him Max Imum this whole time. Unless he's like...in on the joke, I guess.
[They listen as Nobunaga speaks about Kitsuno. They're sure they know about her, but...that is still no less sad.] I'm sorry they couldn't have gotten her medicine and made her better. That's hard.
[Klaus presses a quick kiss to Nobuaga's lips. Chaste and simple. He doesn't want to push things somewhere they can't pull back from.] You're still so cute. I love you, too. Can I...ask for something else? If one of us dies...no matter why, I want us to always find each other when we wake up. No matter the hour. Even if we just go back to sleep together, that's all I want. And... [He looks down] I think we need to wait till we get ourselves together to ask Friday about rooming together. So we can make sure that it's the best thing for us. Okay?
[They lean against Nobunaga for a moment] Dave was the first person I ever really loved. The first person that made me feel like I was worth something and I wanted to be so much better than I was because he deserved it. And we deserved to be happy. I had no control in...anything that happened. But I would have given up my entire life to stay with him if I could have, but...there was nothing I could do. He got shot and I...I just had to press my hands on his chest and scream for the medics and no one came and he just...died. He died there with me and I went back with his blood still all over me. He deserved so much better and I wish I'd known that I would come back because I would have found a way to die to keep him safe if I could even if it meant he was so freaked out that he never wanted to be with me again. He'd be safe and alive. That's all that would have mattered to me.
no subject
Ugh... Magic is so annoying!
You're kind, you're brave, you're usually loyal, [SORRY KLAUS, he's working on it jeez!!!], you're smart, you're strong, you care so much about every damn person around you, even strangers, that's the only reason you ever seem like your loyalty is tested, because you're trying to protect everyone at all damn once, and you're reliable, and sweet like candy.
[He wants to bite him again, but stays good for now.] I did tell her that. But I realized I need to talk to you, work this out a lot, because I'm not going to be able to get a hold of myself until I do. I've given you a lot more of myself than I realized, and to separate it, we'd have to move on, and since neither of us want to, we won't. So I won't separate it, but I will cut out the poison, and cauterize these wounds, and then we will face the others together.
I have definitely been calling him Max Imum the whole time. And I think I will start calling him just Imum. Unless that is crossing a line with you?
[Ugh. Nobunaga's devastated that they can't just share a room yet. Klaus is right, but it doesn't stop the sorrow and pain, and Nobunaga has to wash his face off in the shower, because tears.] Hai... Yes.
[He's able to handle his emotions so much better when Klaus leans against him for support and talks about Dave. He just wraps both arms around Klaus, gently cleaning the very last of their fronts and listening.]
You are worth it. You're worth... everything. I don't care how much I have to deal with. The world can be destroyed infinitely. I'll keep fighting so long as I have breath to see you again. No matter what. You'll always wake up to my face and vice versa.
Understand, when I don't agree with you, I'm not always failing to take you into consideration. Sometimes I fuck up, sometimes what I think I need is wrong, and I'm just used to my army, my rules, but you are not in my army. You are my spouse-in-crime. So I will always remember this, but I might need reminders.
However, I am not Reginald Hargreaves. You will never reach a point that you stop being useful to me, or too much effort. I like the effort. It lets me prove my strength, understand? [Kisses Klaus' shoulders! Biting is out but kisses??? So long as it's not the front, Nobunaga will lose his own damn mind then!] Sometimes you will have to grab my face to make sure I cannot be distracted. You will have to say, "I am most important, so you will listen to me, and I don't care that there is murder going on behind us." That is the difference between you and my army, got it? You are the only one who can, so you must. Even Yato said, he won't ever make me choose my loyalty to him or you. He's a god, he knows patience sucks, but he's lived a long damn time, he is better at waiting. That's your privilege as spouse-in-crime so you may abuse it freely, okay?
[He feels healed. A lot. Super duper healed. Maybe not 100%, but definitely even more than before the trial.]
I can't refrain from things just because it might make you cry. That WILL get us killed. I've never had that before, so I'm not mad at myself, and certainly never you. But from now on, I have to trust you to be strong enough, understand? So that gives you liberties too. Use them as you will. But know, even if you cry and I still do something, it's not because it doesn't hurt me. [Leans against the shower wall, and turns Klaus around, holding their hand to his heart.] Like a thousand knives directly to my heart and soul. It hurts. But it means that whatever I'm doing that's how strong my belief, my conviction is. So you must take your own control of it, understand? [Kisses Klaus' forehead!] Act to do what makes you happiest. Whether that is sitting on me to yell at me, throwing a pie at someone, or something brilliant we can't think of until the moment. I will empower your freedom, but I never want you to feel helpless and do nothing ever again. Do anything. And believe in me to help you see through what you really want. Agreed? Fair contract? [Just leans into him, breathing in their scent!!! His Klaus!]
no subject
[This is just getting a lot of blushing because they're still in a weird place about compliments, but they appreciate them all the same.] I love you. I love the way you see me.
[There's a small nod at that.] I don't want to separate. I want us to be stronger and if there's anything to help you, then I want to do it, too.
Hm? Is calling him Imum like...because you want to date him or just being playful?
[Klaus is very sorry, but if their problems aren't fixed before they move in together, that's not going to help either of them. And that's assuming they can move in together.] I'm sorry, babe.
[They listen to the words and they're feeling so much more relaxed now.] Good. I feel that way about you, too.
[He lets out a breath and nods at the words] I think I'm starting to understand that. I have to rethink how I look at things sometimes. That's...I keep telling you to do that and you told me to with Ari and I was being a brat about it and...I'm sorry. Sometimes I need to listen to you more, too. [A beat.] And you were right about me. Hanging my worth too much on what I can do for others. I was talking to Erin and it came up and I was annoyed that you were right...but you were.
[There's a soft sniffle. Being worthless is a thing that kills him, but...it's good to know that there's someone that will never see them as worthless. And the kisses make him happy.] I will do my best to be strong enough to insert myself as much as I need to but not get too bad about it.
[There's a little nod.] We're both probably going to cry at some point, but as long as we make it better after and as long as we're always willing to walk it out and work together, I can deal with it. [They snort] Can I just say I agree and have it not be about fair contracts?
[There's a small breath] Also I need you to know that I appreciate you. I appreciate how kind you are even when you claim that you're evil and terrible. It's very wrong. You're not. You're sweet and good and you care about the people that are close to you. You love being called cute even when you say you hate it. You just bite because you don't know how to deal with the fact that you like being cute. At least when it's me. And I know you're dramatic and over the top but I like that about you. Except when you make me want to shake you. And you're always willing to listen to me even when I'm not listening all the time, too. You see me pretty clearly.
[They reach for his hand.] I can't wait to be married to you in front of everyone and not just us. And I'm glad we're married in our hearts. I want to be with you forever or until we're old and sad and we probably die...but hopefully next to each other in our sleep.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)