I love you! [Happy happy chirp! And shows him the thread!]
The other day I gave her a real dance, no improvising or battle of wills, and told her during the trial, I thought she would react like Mitsuhide, but instead she did what I would have done, something reckless and impulsive and a power move cutting off my options, making it so that almost all my plans were thrown off. And I realized the reason I get riled up with her wanting to fight, isn't because she's like Mitsuhide, though I get to a point where I want to bang on his head like a drum, [And HAS DONE THIS ONCE when drunk, and Mitsuhide knows better than to get Nobunaga drunk now...] but because she's like me. So I want to learn [Oh...]
[The blushing...]
[OKAY.]
[BE COOL???]
How to get along with myself better. So I can show you how to love yourself too. [BLUSHY. DESU.... Don't look at him!]
I don't think she's actually mad at me, and I don't think the message is actually undeliverable. I think she's trying to lure me out, but yare yare, if you don't think so, or don't want me to play, I won't. [Gentle kiss! CHU!]
[Klaus reads it, acting totally surprised. He looks at him quietly.] Seems Valdis doesn't want to be loved like that. Also like...you know she isn't you, right? Similar, not same.
[He lightly boops Nobunaga's nose.] You're sweet to worry about me and my self love journey.
[There's a slight shrug] I don't know what she's trying to do...but if you're concerned, you could do it and see what she's trying to see. Maybe she needs to know you care about her for her and not for...how similar she is to you.
I'm pretty sure she'd stab me for that, but I'll take it under advisement.
Do you want to see anything else? [Pokes Klaus' cheek! And burrows in for more snuggles.]
She already knew I care about her for her. That wasn't the problem. [Reaches over Klaus to scroll further back to his message to her. Also included is his drunk poem about Teyrey.] The problem is, like I said, she reacted like me, and I'm the harshest on myself.
Oh, I forgot I said that too.
[More gentle kisses to Klaus cheeks and sucks on the ear shell while Klaus can read.]
I'm trying not to fight myself. That also means, her. But it's not just, oh I want to be in love with her, because I don't. I don't want to love myself. I mean I already do, but violently. I want to not fight her or myself. But I still want to be me. I'm very bitey. [And yet here he is snuggling and very gentle, NOT biting Klaus right now. Go figure.]
It's not just that I don't want to fight her, it's that specific part in both of us. Because then I'll be stronger than the Captain, and all the other versions of myself. Remember how Five would kill his other self? Well me too. But if I can avoid that, then I'll be the strongest version. It's sort of stupid to explain. [Huff.]
[Klaus doesn't really need to see anything, but he's casually just reading through everything anyway.] You said a lot and my eyes did not focus on all of it.
I know you're very bitey. I've been bitten a lot of times. [They've noticed it hasn't happened since they got back together, though.] I don't want you both to fight either. I also don't want you to fight yourself. If you don't need to.
I mean, Diego was gonna kill his other self. Five probably would have a bit...but I don't know anything about that. I thought he was gonna avoid him.
It's better not to fight yourself and killing yourself is dangerous. It's one of the ways the universe tries to prevent collapse. But I want to be stronger than the universe. Like you. [Chu!]
Yeah. I know, buddy. Just like you know I like being bitten. [Maybe not at this exact moment, though. They’re not feeling hot and sex is kind of not on their mind.]
I don’t think I’m stronger than the universe, but…sure. We can work on that.
Yes. [Gentle temple kiss! And that is exactly why Nobunaga hasn't bitten him since the wedding night. Turns out he's not as evil as he trues to pretend-- though Klaus knows this.]
You're stronger than death, a God, ghosts, demon kings, and get to write your own fate. I'm pretty sure you just don't know how strong you are yet. And generally you never try.
[Klaus did already know that, which is why he’s happily taking in all the gentleness now.]
I don’t think I’m that strong. Almost certainly stronger than you, though. [It’s a light jest.] But that’s just cause all my attacks are super effective and so you can’t help but be bested by me.
[Very gently noms Klaus' ear without using teeth!]
That's true. Most of the world is scissors, I'm a rock, but you're paper. You're still stronger than those losers though, and if they try to cut you, I'll beat them up.
[They still for the briefest of moments, focusing on the feeling of it. Even if it's a much gentler feeling]
Which losers are those? [Klaus moves to grab Nobunaga's hand, bringing it up to his mouth and kissing the palm. If the intimacy of it doesn't distract from everything, then he doesn't know what will.] But you don't have to beat anyone up. I'm fine. Except like...if Dad shows up. You can beat him up.
[Klaus smiles at him a little. At least he still has that affect on Nobunaga]
Eh. I'm sure you could beat him. [And another palm kiss for good measure] Just lay here for a moment until I fall asleep and then go settle your situation with Valdis, okay? [Klaus can and will just pretend to fall asleep in the next few minutes if he agrees to it.] And then you can come back and tell me how it went and be my weighted blanket.
I can just be your weighted blanket, anytime you want, Babe. [Kisses Klaus' cheek! But snuggles down over them cheerfully.] I'm not even sure she's playing back. So it might just be running around the ship seeing everyone jump at shadows and scaring them again. You're more interesting. Even doing nothing.
[Klaus peeks at their phone for a moment, trying to understand everything that's happening at this time. It feels like being kind of outside of knowing things, really.]
I feel like...in a way...what if... [He doesn't want to say that she's being contradictory, but it feels off to him. But what if she is wondering if he will try? Or what if she really doesn't want him around anymore? This seems complicated and he'd feel a lot easier if he could see Valdis' face or feel her feelings even. But he's not someone that has empathic powers. So...it's just...confusing.] I don't want you to miss out on it if it's important. I know I'm important, but...I don't know. I don't know what she wants or what you want or what action either way means anymore.
I'm a little tired just thinking about it. [And a lot stressed. They are also a lot stressed about it.]
Babe... [Kissus!] It's not on you. You're not in the middle.
What I want is to love myself so I can teach you. What I need is learn not to fight her, and hopefully she will learn who I am and stop doubting me, and likewise know how to get what she wants.
But all of these things are like a 5 on this scale of 10. You are 11. I don't want to bother you with my restlessness. And I do want to -- [Calm the fuck down well, okay, no he doesn't, that's the problem...] accept the knowledge that if I leave for a little bit I won't lose you, but...
[A shrug.]
Don't worry about me. I will take care of me. What do you want? No more stress. It is a game. You need not play. What does Klaus want from Klaus?
[They cuddle him quietly, just trying to put things off to the side.] I feel in the middle.
I think I have to learn to love myself the hard way. Same as everyone else. But if you want to learn to love yourself, then I think that’s good, too. Cause you should love yourself. Really love yourself.
[They let out a small breath, moving to kiss his cheek] You’re scared. For the first time you’ve had something that you were afraid to lose because you’ve actually let yourself have it for a minute. Love wasn’t supposed to be something you were allowed or comfortable with and then…well, I don’t think either of us meant it to go as far as it did and then…[He’s starting to see the similarities.]
Acting out of fear can be just as dangerous as anger, I think. And I’m sorry I let my fear take over and that it hurt you. I’m not going anywhere, though. I want you.
[As for what he wanted from himself?] I don’t know. Right now I just want us to be here. To take time with each other in simple ways. [A beat.] Also maybe just…maybe we could make out a little? Cause I miss it. I don’t think I feel up to more than that right now, but…
No, I mean, it's not your fault, it's mine. Yeah, I didn't want to make you cry, but... better it happened. I'm not going to be afraid of it again.
And yeah I'm not supposed to love, but--
[Oh thank Fuck. Nobunaga doesn't have to be asked twice, instantly surging into a long gentle kiss with Klaus, throwing all the energy he uses does for sex into kissing instead.] I love you. [Kisses all over Klaus' face.] I love you so much I can't breathe and I'm going to learn drums so you can dance to it, and I'm going to be the best damn husband ever and no one can compete, and you don't have to be in the middle of anything. [Millions of kisses!] But I don't want you to feel left out.
You're the one that I want. [He's singing Grease. Yes.] The one that I want, you-ooh-ooh. The one I need, oh yes indeed~ [More kisses! All the kisses!]
Maybe we needed it. That doesn't make me hate it less.
But?
[Oh...oops. Potentially save by making out. Klaus feels...well...not better, but at least a little lighter at the feeling of being kissed. It makes them feel less like they are sickly and gross and generally in pain. His hands move to Nobunaga's face, thumbs running over his cheekbones. There's a breathy laugh at the declaration of love.] Slow down Liz Phair. [There's a beat where Klaus realizes that Nobunaga will probably have no idea what they mean.] She's a singer. [That doesn't explain anything, but Nobunaga's talking about playing the drums, which is hilariously what Erin had suggested to them.]
If it's something you can both work out and fix, I think you should, but I...Valdis mentioned it to me, too and then the anxiety of being on both sides got a lot. I'm not...my mental state can't handle it right now. But don't get upset. She just didn't want me to be worried about it. And I already told her it was making me uncomfortable, so I'm good. She respected it.
[The singing gets another laugh and an eyeroll.] You're ridicu- [Cut off by kisses! Klaus is casually just wrapping their arms around his neck to keep him close...for the purposes of more kissing.]
[More kisses! Nobunaga has been channeling all his sexual and emotional energy into the kisses since their return from breakup, and does it again, all his lust and aggression getting shoved sideways into the kisses to make sure Klaus absolutely feels how much Nobunaga loves him, still adores him, would never ever throw away his treasure, and still hunt him down and try to woo him all over again.]
I love you. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. I don't care that maybe I shouldn't love, not supposed to, I'll fight infinite timelines for this. Around you I feel like I can just be myself. And yeah. [More kisses, all the kisses, deep long meaningful kisses!] I got terrified when I thought I couldn't. [Kiss kiss kiss! And one for the nose tip and forehead and chin for good measure!] And maybe I will again. But-- [A longer drawn out liss, very gently sucking on Klaus' bottom lip.] Every moment I have with you is precious, and I don't want to waste them, so what's a little bit of fear that I'll just lose them? [Chu! Chu! Nobunaga kisses Klaus' cheek, but his hands stay firmly in place on Klaus in a hig, because there's no way they won't try to be sexual otherwise purely from muscle memory!] I will just make sure I don't.
I want to spend every moment with you. But I said before, this is the struggle of loving one such as me. [Finally Nobunaga takes Klaus' hand and slowly luxuriously lavishes long lingering kisses over each digit, gently locking the webbing between them, but intimate over sexual, so no sucking on them like he would have in the past.] There is never enough of me to do all I want. But I will always buy more time for you.
You make me feel that way, too. That me is enough. [God, though, this is just firing up a lot of things in his brain and the want to do more is building, but he’s trying to be kind to himself, to give himself time and not just jump into things. Especially when he’s feeling anxious about it. Eventually they’ll have to push past that anxiety, but not today.]
If I could clone myself to do all the other things while I’m with you, I would. But I guess we’ll both have to be okay with spending time apart. Just a little. [A beat.] And now I might really need to nap before I let myself get carried away. Give me a couple more days and we can plan for something more than this.
Okay. Be gentle to yourself. I will learn to try not to fight myself all the time as well. [Chu!] And by proxy, Valdis as well. [Rubs their noses together!] Sleep well. I will return to check on you. Don't forget to text me if you can't sleep and get bored, okay?
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I’ll text you too.
[The shows of tenderness are certainly nice. Especially since Klaus knows his mind and body are not being tender with him in these moments.]
You can show me if you like. I’m curious what this task is. [As if he doesn’t know what is going on right now.] Also I love you.
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The other day I gave her a real dance, no improvising or battle of wills, and told her during the trial, I thought she would react like Mitsuhide, but instead she did what I would have done, something reckless and impulsive and a power move cutting off my options, making it so that almost all my plans were thrown off. And I realized the reason I get riled up with her wanting to fight, isn't because she's like Mitsuhide, though I get to a point where I want to bang on his head like a drum, [And HAS DONE THIS ONCE when drunk, and Mitsuhide knows better than to get Nobunaga drunk now...] but because she's like me. So I want to learn [Oh...]
[The blushing...]
[OKAY.]
[BE COOL???]
How to get along with myself better. So I can show you how to love yourself too. [BLUSHY. DESU.... Don't look at him!]
I don't think she's actually mad at me, and I don't think the message is actually undeliverable. I think she's trying to lure me out, but yare yare, if you don't think so, or don't want me to play, I won't. [Gentle kiss! CHU!]
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[He lightly boops Nobunaga's nose.] You're sweet to worry about me and my self love journey.
[There's a slight shrug] I don't know what she's trying to do...but if you're concerned, you could do it and see what she's trying to see. Maybe she needs to know you care about her for her and not for...how similar she is to you.
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Do you want to see anything else? [Pokes Klaus' cheek! And burrows in for more snuggles.]
She already knew I care about her for her. That wasn't the problem. [Reaches over Klaus to scroll further back to his message to her. Also included is his drunk poem about Teyrey.] The problem is, like I said, she reacted like me, and I'm the harshest on myself.
Oh, I forgot I said that too.
[More gentle kisses to Klaus cheeks and sucks on the ear shell while Klaus can read.]
I'm trying not to fight myself. That also means, her. But it's not just, oh I want to be in love with her, because I don't. I don't want to love myself. I mean I already do, but violently. I want to not fight her or myself. But I still want to be me. I'm very bitey. [And yet here he is snuggling and very gentle, NOT biting Klaus right now. Go figure.]
It's not just that I don't want to fight her, it's that specific part in both of us. Because then I'll be stronger than the Captain, and all the other versions of myself. Remember how Five would kill his other self? Well me too. But if I can avoid that, then I'll be the strongest version. It's sort of stupid to explain. [Huff.]
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[Klaus doesn't really need to see anything, but he's casually just reading through everything anyway.] You said a lot and my eyes did not focus on all of it.
I know you're very bitey. I've been bitten a lot of times. [They've noticed it hasn't happened since they got back together, though.] I don't want you both to fight either. I also don't want you to fight yourself. If you don't need to.
I mean, Diego was gonna kill his other self. Five probably would have a bit...but I don't know anything about that. I thought he was gonna avoid him.
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It's better not to fight yourself and killing yourself is dangerous. It's one of the ways the universe tries to prevent collapse. But I want to be stronger than the universe. Like you. [Chu!]
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I don’t think I’m stronger than the universe, but…sure. We can work on that.
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You're stronger than death, a God, ghosts, demon kings, and get to write your own fate. I'm pretty sure you just don't know how strong you are yet. And generally you never try.
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I don’t think I’m that strong. Almost certainly stronger than you, though. [It’s a light jest.] But that’s just cause all my attacks are super effective and so you can’t help but be bested by me.
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That's true. Most of the world is scissors, I'm a rock, but you're paper. You're still stronger than those losers though, and if they try to cut you, I'll beat them up.
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Which losers are those? [Klaus moves to grab Nobunaga's hand, bringing it up to his mouth and kissing the palm. If the intimacy of it doesn't distract from everything, then he doesn't know what will.] But you don't have to beat anyone up. I'm fine. Except like...if Dad shows up. You can beat him up.
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Ehhhh, he's also a rock type, but I'll try. I know how to break rocks.
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Eh. I'm sure you could beat him. [And another palm kiss for good measure] Just lay here for a moment until I fall asleep and then go settle your situation with Valdis, okay? [Klaus can and will just pretend to fall asleep in the next few minutes if he agrees to it.] And then you can come back and tell me how it went and be my weighted blanket.
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I feel like...in a way...what if... [He doesn't want to say that she's being contradictory, but it feels off to him. But what if she is wondering if he will try? Or what if she really doesn't want him around anymore? This seems complicated and he'd feel a lot easier if he could see Valdis' face or feel her feelings even. But he's not someone that has empathic powers. So...it's just...confusing.] I don't want you to miss out on it if it's important. I know I'm important, but...I don't know. I don't know what she wants or what you want or what action either way means anymore.
I'm a little tired just thinking about it. [And a lot stressed. They are also a lot stressed about it.]
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What I want is to love myself so I can teach you. What I need is learn not to fight her, and hopefully she will learn who I am and stop doubting me, and likewise know how to get what she wants.
But all of these things are like a 5 on this scale of 10. You are 11. I don't want to bother you with my restlessness. And I do want to -- [Calm the fuck down well, okay, no he doesn't, that's the problem...] accept the knowledge that if I leave for a little bit I won't lose you, but...
[A shrug.]
Don't worry about me. I will take care of me. What do you want? No more stress. It is a game. You need not play. What does Klaus want from Klaus?
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I think I have to learn to love myself the hard way. Same as everyone else. But if you want to learn to love yourself, then I think that’s good, too. Cause you should love yourself. Really love yourself.
[They let out a small breath, moving to kiss his cheek] You’re scared. For the first time you’ve had something that you were afraid to lose because you’ve actually let yourself have it for a minute. Love wasn’t supposed to be something you were allowed or comfortable with and then…well, I don’t think either of us meant it to go as far as it did and then…[He’s starting to see the similarities.]
Acting out of fear can be just as dangerous as anger, I think. And I’m sorry I let my fear take over and that it hurt you. I’m not going anywhere, though. I want you.
[As for what he wanted from himself?] I don’t know. Right now I just want us to be here. To take time with each other in simple ways. [A beat.] Also maybe just…maybe we could make out a little? Cause I miss it. I don’t think I feel up to more than that right now, but…
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And yeah I'm not supposed to love, but--
[Oh thank Fuck. Nobunaga doesn't have to be asked twice, instantly surging into a long gentle kiss with Klaus, throwing all the energy he uses does for sex into kissing instead.] I love you. [Kisses all over Klaus' face.] I love you so much I can't breathe and I'm going to learn drums so you can dance to it, and I'm going to be the best damn husband ever and no one can compete, and you don't have to be in the middle of anything. [Millions of kisses!] But I don't want you to feel left out.
You're the one that I want. [He's singing Grease. Yes.] The one that I want, you-ooh-ooh. The one I need, oh yes indeed~ [More kisses! All the kisses!]
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But?
[Oh...oops. Potentially save by making out. Klaus feels...well...not better, but at least a little lighter at the feeling of being kissed. It makes them feel less like they are sickly and gross and generally in pain. His hands move to Nobunaga's face, thumbs running over his cheekbones. There's a breathy laugh at the declaration of love.] Slow down Liz Phair. [There's a beat where Klaus realizes that Nobunaga will probably have no idea what they mean.] She's a singer. [That doesn't explain anything, but Nobunaga's talking about playing the drums, which is hilariously what Erin had suggested to them.]
If it's something you can both work out and fix, I think you should, but I...Valdis mentioned it to me, too and then the anxiety of being on both sides got a lot. I'm not...my mental state can't handle it right now. But don't get upset. She just didn't want me to be worried about it. And I already told her it was making me uncomfortable, so I'm good. She respected it.
[The singing gets another laugh and an eyeroll.] You're ridicu- [Cut off by kisses! Klaus is casually just wrapping their arms around his neck to keep him close...for the purposes of more kissing.]
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I love you. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. I don't care that maybe I shouldn't love, not supposed to, I'll fight infinite timelines for this. Around you I feel like I can just be myself. And yeah. [More kisses, all the kisses, deep long meaningful kisses!] I got terrified when I thought I couldn't. [Kiss kiss kiss! And one for the nose tip and forehead and chin for good measure!] And maybe I will again. But-- [A longer drawn out liss, very gently sucking on Klaus' bottom lip.] Every moment I have with you is precious, and I don't want to waste them, so what's a little bit of fear that I'll just lose them? [Chu! Chu! Nobunaga kisses Klaus' cheek, but his hands stay firmly in place on Klaus in a hig, because there's no way they won't try to be sexual otherwise purely from muscle memory!] I will just make sure I don't.
I want to spend every moment with you. But I said before, this is the struggle of loving one such as me. [Finally Nobunaga takes Klaus' hand and slowly luxuriously lavishes long lingering kisses over each digit, gently locking the webbing between them, but intimate over sexual, so no sucking on them like he would have in the past.] There is never enough of me to do all I want. But I will always buy more time for you.
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You make me feel that way, too. That me is enough. [God, though, this is just firing up a lot of things in his brain and the want to do more is building, but he’s trying to be kind to himself, to give himself time and not just jump into things. Especially when he’s feeling anxious about it. Eventually they’ll have to push past that anxiety, but not today.]
If I could clone myself to do all the other things while I’m with you, I would. But I guess we’ll both have to be okay with spending time apart. Just a little. [A beat.] And now I might really need to nap before I let myself get carried away. Give me a couple more days and we can plan for something more than this.
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Okay. Be gentle to yourself. I will learn to try not to fight myself all the time as well. [Chu!] And by proxy, Valdis as well. [Rubs their noses together!] Sleep well. I will return to check on you. Don't forget to text me if you can't sleep and get bored, okay?
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[MESSES WITH KLAUS' HAIR!]
[Ugh be kind. He's trying.]
[Meh. He pulls his hood up on his hoodie.]
You just mean... American friendship love with her, right? [Ugh. Why does--]
[Deep breath.]
[FACEPALM.] Explain it to me.
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Yes. I mean American friendship love. Platonic. I don’t feel romantically about anyone else but you. You have nothing to worry about.
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