Babe... [Kissus!] It's not on you. You're not in the middle.
What I want is to love myself so I can teach you. What I need is learn not to fight her, and hopefully she will learn who I am and stop doubting me, and likewise know how to get what she wants.
But all of these things are like a 5 on this scale of 10. You are 11. I don't want to bother you with my restlessness. And I do want to -- [Calm the fuck down well, okay, no he doesn't, that's the problem...] accept the knowledge that if I leave for a little bit I won't lose you, but...
[A shrug.]
Don't worry about me. I will take care of me. What do you want? No more stress. It is a game. You need not play. What does Klaus want from Klaus?
[They cuddle him quietly, just trying to put things off to the side.] I feel in the middle.
I think I have to learn to love myself the hard way. Same as everyone else. But if you want to learn to love yourself, then I think that’s good, too. Cause you should love yourself. Really love yourself.
[They let out a small breath, moving to kiss his cheek] You’re scared. For the first time you’ve had something that you were afraid to lose because you’ve actually let yourself have it for a minute. Love wasn’t supposed to be something you were allowed or comfortable with and then…well, I don’t think either of us meant it to go as far as it did and then…[He’s starting to see the similarities.]
Acting out of fear can be just as dangerous as anger, I think. And I’m sorry I let my fear take over and that it hurt you. I’m not going anywhere, though. I want you.
[As for what he wanted from himself?] I don’t know. Right now I just want us to be here. To take time with each other in simple ways. [A beat.] Also maybe just…maybe we could make out a little? Cause I miss it. I don’t think I feel up to more than that right now, but…
No, I mean, it's not your fault, it's mine. Yeah, I didn't want to make you cry, but... better it happened. I'm not going to be afraid of it again.
And yeah I'm not supposed to love, but--
[Oh thank Fuck. Nobunaga doesn't have to be asked twice, instantly surging into a long gentle kiss with Klaus, throwing all the energy he uses does for sex into kissing instead.] I love you. [Kisses all over Klaus' face.] I love you so much I can't breathe and I'm going to learn drums so you can dance to it, and I'm going to be the best damn husband ever and no one can compete, and you don't have to be in the middle of anything. [Millions of kisses!] But I don't want you to feel left out.
You're the one that I want. [He's singing Grease. Yes.] The one that I want, you-ooh-ooh. The one I need, oh yes indeed~ [More kisses! All the kisses!]
Maybe we needed it. That doesn't make me hate it less.
But?
[Oh...oops. Potentially save by making out. Klaus feels...well...not better, but at least a little lighter at the feeling of being kissed. It makes them feel less like they are sickly and gross and generally in pain. His hands move to Nobunaga's face, thumbs running over his cheekbones. There's a breathy laugh at the declaration of love.] Slow down Liz Phair. [There's a beat where Klaus realizes that Nobunaga will probably have no idea what they mean.] She's a singer. [That doesn't explain anything, but Nobunaga's talking about playing the drums, which is hilariously what Erin had suggested to them.]
If it's something you can both work out and fix, I think you should, but I...Valdis mentioned it to me, too and then the anxiety of being on both sides got a lot. I'm not...my mental state can't handle it right now. But don't get upset. She just didn't want me to be worried about it. And I already told her it was making me uncomfortable, so I'm good. She respected it.
[The singing gets another laugh and an eyeroll.] You're ridicu- [Cut off by kisses! Klaus is casually just wrapping their arms around his neck to keep him close...for the purposes of more kissing.]
[More kisses! Nobunaga has been channeling all his sexual and emotional energy into the kisses since their return from breakup, and does it again, all his lust and aggression getting shoved sideways into the kisses to make sure Klaus absolutely feels how much Nobunaga loves him, still adores him, would never ever throw away his treasure, and still hunt him down and try to woo him all over again.]
I love you. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. I don't care that maybe I shouldn't love, not supposed to, I'll fight infinite timelines for this. Around you I feel like I can just be myself. And yeah. [More kisses, all the kisses, deep long meaningful kisses!] I got terrified when I thought I couldn't. [Kiss kiss kiss! And one for the nose tip and forehead and chin for good measure!] And maybe I will again. But-- [A longer drawn out liss, very gently sucking on Klaus' bottom lip.] Every moment I have with you is precious, and I don't want to waste them, so what's a little bit of fear that I'll just lose them? [Chu! Chu! Nobunaga kisses Klaus' cheek, but his hands stay firmly in place on Klaus in a hig, because there's no way they won't try to be sexual otherwise purely from muscle memory!] I will just make sure I don't.
I want to spend every moment with you. But I said before, this is the struggle of loving one such as me. [Finally Nobunaga takes Klaus' hand and slowly luxuriously lavishes long lingering kisses over each digit, gently locking the webbing between them, but intimate over sexual, so no sucking on them like he would have in the past.] There is never enough of me to do all I want. But I will always buy more time for you.
You make me feel that way, too. That me is enough. [God, though, this is just firing up a lot of things in his brain and the want to do more is building, but he’s trying to be kind to himself, to give himself time and not just jump into things. Especially when he’s feeling anxious about it. Eventually they’ll have to push past that anxiety, but not today.]
If I could clone myself to do all the other things while I’m with you, I would. But I guess we’ll both have to be okay with spending time apart. Just a little. [A beat.] And now I might really need to nap before I let myself get carried away. Give me a couple more days and we can plan for something more than this.
Okay. Be gentle to yourself. I will learn to try not to fight myself all the time as well. [Chu!] And by proxy, Valdis as well. [Rubs their noses together!] Sleep well. I will return to check on you. Don't forget to text me if you can't sleep and get bored, okay?
Sorry for being like this. [Kisses! CHU!] I didn't even love Kitsuno this much, so it makes me a little extra intense... and you know I already tend to be as it is. [Rubs noses together!]
I don't know if I love her like that. Platonic. You, Crichton, Teyrey. That is already more than I've ever loved anyone else my whole life. [HUFF. Sideglance blushy desu.] How do you do it? [Curls around Klaus protectively!] It hurt so much when I thought Crichton wasn't-- and -- [FROWN.] But I never had friends before you all either. Is it just less extreme for everyone else?
[Klaus smiles and nudges back with his nose] It’s okay. I get it. Also we did just have a great and terrible upheaval. And being jealous happens to us all. [It’s just Klaus generally knows where Nobunaga is on his feelings.]
You feel your feelings very deeply, but you also repress your feelings a lot when you see them as weaker feelings. You just…go cold. I guess. Like you don’t have feelings. Which is a lie. Cause you do. And now you’re actually allowed to feel the things you want to feel that aren’t anger or about fighting. And that’s got to be overwhelming sometimes. [They smile a little.]
But I think you care for her. I think she cares for you, too. I think you’re both too stubborn to admit it. But…it’s best for you both to figure out your feelings towards one another and then let yourselves sit with it. And stop being so hard-headed. She hasn’t cared about people in a long time either. So…it’s bound to be overwhelming for her, too. To feel things for people. But if you both fighting all the time is going to make things uncomfortable, I mean…I don’t want that either. So I guess you both have to decide what works best and what’s healthiest for you both.
[Snuggles, and nudges his head carefully under Klaus' chin!] It might hurt. So I think that's another thing I want to prove to us both. That it doesn't have to. I might not be the right man for that... but no one else is as crazy as me to think in these specific ways, you know? Or rather... it's okay to hurt, right? Right.
I love you. Not leaving yet. Just want to heart your heartbeat a little longer.
I’m… [The urge to say not is strong and they push it down.] Yeah. It happens from time to time.
[Klaus wraps an arm around Nobunaga’s waist, holding him there as he nuzzles up to him.] I want you both to be able to care for one another without hurting one another at the same time. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.
That’s fine. You can stay as long as you like. I’ll be here whenever you get back, too. And I love you, too.
[This is very cute of him. Just have a couple kisses to the top of your head. They let out a slow breath, letting their eyes slide closed. They feel much more comfortable here with the weight on them and the knowledge that Nobunaga is right there.]
Love you. [It’s a quiet, sleepy sort of mumble, but still there.]
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no subject
What I want is to love myself so I can teach you. What I need is learn not to fight her, and hopefully she will learn who I am and stop doubting me, and likewise know how to get what she wants.
But all of these things are like a 5 on this scale of 10. You are 11. I don't want to bother you with my restlessness. And I do want to -- [Calm the fuck down well, okay, no he doesn't, that's the problem...] accept the knowledge that if I leave for a little bit I won't lose you, but...
[A shrug.]
Don't worry about me. I will take care of me. What do you want? No more stress. It is a game. You need not play. What does Klaus want from Klaus?
no subject
I think I have to learn to love myself the hard way. Same as everyone else. But if you want to learn to love yourself, then I think that’s good, too. Cause you should love yourself. Really love yourself.
[They let out a small breath, moving to kiss his cheek] You’re scared. For the first time you’ve had something that you were afraid to lose because you’ve actually let yourself have it for a minute. Love wasn’t supposed to be something you were allowed or comfortable with and then…well, I don’t think either of us meant it to go as far as it did and then…[He’s starting to see the similarities.]
Acting out of fear can be just as dangerous as anger, I think. And I’m sorry I let my fear take over and that it hurt you. I’m not going anywhere, though. I want you.
[As for what he wanted from himself?] I don’t know. Right now I just want us to be here. To take time with each other in simple ways. [A beat.] Also maybe just…maybe we could make out a little? Cause I miss it. I don’t think I feel up to more than that right now, but…
no subject
And yeah I'm not supposed to love, but--
[Oh thank Fuck. Nobunaga doesn't have to be asked twice, instantly surging into a long gentle kiss with Klaus, throwing all the energy he uses does for sex into kissing instead.] I love you. [Kisses all over Klaus' face.] I love you so much I can't breathe and I'm going to learn drums so you can dance to it, and I'm going to be the best damn husband ever and no one can compete, and you don't have to be in the middle of anything. [Millions of kisses!] But I don't want you to feel left out.
You're the one that I want. [He's singing Grease. Yes.] The one that I want, you-ooh-ooh. The one I need, oh yes indeed~ [More kisses! All the kisses!]
no subject
But?
[Oh...oops. Potentially save by making out. Klaus feels...well...not better, but at least a little lighter at the feeling of being kissed. It makes them feel less like they are sickly and gross and generally in pain. His hands move to Nobunaga's face, thumbs running over his cheekbones. There's a breathy laugh at the declaration of love.] Slow down Liz Phair. [There's a beat where Klaus realizes that Nobunaga will probably have no idea what they mean.] She's a singer. [That doesn't explain anything, but Nobunaga's talking about playing the drums, which is hilariously what Erin had suggested to them.]
If it's something you can both work out and fix, I think you should, but I...Valdis mentioned it to me, too and then the anxiety of being on both sides got a lot. I'm not...my mental state can't handle it right now. But don't get upset. She just didn't want me to be worried about it. And I already told her it was making me uncomfortable, so I'm good. She respected it.
[The singing gets another laugh and an eyeroll.] You're ridicu- [Cut off by kisses! Klaus is casually just wrapping their arms around his neck to keep him close...for the purposes of more kissing.]
no subject
I love you. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. I don't care that maybe I shouldn't love, not supposed to, I'll fight infinite timelines for this. Around you I feel like I can just be myself. And yeah. [More kisses, all the kisses, deep long meaningful kisses!] I got terrified when I thought I couldn't. [Kiss kiss kiss! And one for the nose tip and forehead and chin for good measure!] And maybe I will again. But-- [A longer drawn out liss, very gently sucking on Klaus' bottom lip.] Every moment I have with you is precious, and I don't want to waste them, so what's a little bit of fear that I'll just lose them? [Chu! Chu! Nobunaga kisses Klaus' cheek, but his hands stay firmly in place on Klaus in a hig, because there's no way they won't try to be sexual otherwise purely from muscle memory!] I will just make sure I don't.
I want to spend every moment with you. But I said before, this is the struggle of loving one such as me. [Finally Nobunaga takes Klaus' hand and slowly luxuriously lavishes long lingering kisses over each digit, gently locking the webbing between them, but intimate over sexual, so no sucking on them like he would have in the past.] There is never enough of me to do all I want. But I will always buy more time for you.
no subject
You make me feel that way, too. That me is enough. [God, though, this is just firing up a lot of things in his brain and the want to do more is building, but he’s trying to be kind to himself, to give himself time and not just jump into things. Especially when he’s feeling anxious about it. Eventually they’ll have to push past that anxiety, but not today.]
If I could clone myself to do all the other things while I’m with you, I would. But I guess we’ll both have to be okay with spending time apart. Just a little. [A beat.] And now I might really need to nap before I let myself get carried away. Give me a couple more days and we can plan for something more than this.
no subject
Okay. Be gentle to yourself. I will learn to try not to fight myself all the time as well. [Chu!] And by proxy, Valdis as well. [Rubs their noses together!] Sleep well. I will return to check on you. Don't forget to text me if you can't sleep and get bored, okay?
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[MESSES WITH KLAUS' HAIR!]
[Ugh be kind. He's trying.]
[Meh. He pulls his hood up on his hoodie.]
You just mean... American friendship love with her, right? [Ugh. Why does--]
[Deep breath.]
[FACEPALM.] Explain it to me.
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Yes. I mean American friendship love. Platonic. I don’t feel romantically about anyone else but you. You have nothing to worry about.
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Sorry for being like this. [Kisses! CHU!] I didn't even love Kitsuno this much, so it makes me a little extra intense... and you know I already tend to be as it is. [Rubs noses together!]
I don't know if I love her like that. Platonic. You, Crichton, Teyrey. That is already more than I've ever loved anyone else my whole life. [HUFF. Sideglance blushy desu.] How do you do it? [Curls around Klaus protectively!] It hurt so much when I thought Crichton wasn't-- and -- [FROWN.] But I never had friends before you all either. Is it just less extreme for everyone else?
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You feel your feelings very deeply, but you also repress your feelings a lot when you see them as weaker feelings. You just…go cold. I guess. Like you don’t have feelings. Which is a lie. Cause you do. And now you’re actually allowed to feel the things you want to feel that aren’t anger or about fighting. And that’s got to be overwhelming sometimes. [They smile a little.]
But I think you care for her. I think she cares for you, too. I think you’re both too stubborn to admit it. But…it’s best for you both to figure out your feelings towards one another and then let yourselves sit with it. And stop being so hard-headed. She hasn’t cared about people in a long time either. So…it’s bound to be overwhelming for her, too. To feel things for people. But if you both fighting all the time is going to make things uncomfortable, I mean…I don’t want that either. So I guess you both have to decide what works best and what’s healthiest for you both.
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You're so smart.
[Snuggles, and nudges his head carefully under Klaus' chin!] It might hurt. So I think that's another thing I want to prove to us both. That it doesn't have to. I might not be the right man for that... but no one else is as crazy as me to think in these specific ways, you know? Or rather... it's okay to hurt, right? Right.
I love you. Not leaving yet. Just want to heart your heartbeat a little longer.
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[Klaus wraps an arm around Nobunaga’s waist, holding him there as he nuzzles up to him.] I want you both to be able to care for one another without hurting one another at the same time. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.
That’s fine. You can stay as long as you like. I’ll be here whenever you get back, too. And I love you, too.
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[GIDDY.]
[And just happily lays on Klaus' chest!]
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Love you. [It’s a quiet, sleepy sort of mumble, but still there.]
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[Happy snuggles and waits for Klaus to at least seemingly fall asleep before sneaking out and replacing himself with the tuxedo cat.]