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Aug. 4th, 2022 03:08 am
busball: (Default)
[personal profile] busball


Text | Call | Action
konpeito_aji: (Only at peace unconscious)
From: [personal profile] konpeito_aji
In strictest of confidence, I'm going to tell you about Hideyoshi, and you're going to apply it to Teyrey, but you have to pretend you figured it out all on your own, even though she will certainly know the truth.

I've been thinking nonstop about our conversation at the wedding, but there's more. First...

Hideyoshi was born a farmer's son. The only one of my Generals who wasn't a noble from birth. Farmers aren't a low caste. They're second tier. But they can't have swords. Or you know... couldn't, and I changed that. Hideyoshi wasn't that comfortable with a sword at first. He was worried. All nobles are forced into training from the time they can walk. I've done sword kata every morning of my life. I forced him to get used to it. I gave him ultimatums. I said learn the sword or die.

He loves them now. More than I ever can or will. To me, swords are monks and pain. I like the swords themselves, the history, the weaponcrafting, the smithing is uniquely Japanese, to make up for our poor quality iron, we invented the folding technique. But I cannot duel with them, or teach someone how to use one. It's all rigid and impersonal, so I hate it. Loves swords themselves.

But Hideyoshi likes everything about swords now. He comes with me all over Japan, listens to me when I get drunk and polish them, and I intended to bequeath most of my collection to him so he could give them to others too, and that is why he likes them more than I do.

Also because to him, it is a sign that he is earning his right to be leader of Japan with his own two hands, not just given to him by birth or even force. But he uses the sword to protect me. Something to be proud of.

All of us feel like we are not doing enough sometimes, I think. Hideyoshi always feels like he needs to work ten times harder just to keep his place with us. That nothing he does can ever be good enough, because if it is, then he would stop, and that's terrifying.

Teyrey takes herself even more seriously than Hideyoshi sometimes. She isn't going to fuss over me eating candy, but she cares a lot about appearances, oh and formalities. That's the biggest one. She lets you be you, but she worries you don't take her seriously. Especially when she feels like she's too young. Sometimes I can see it. That she only thinks as she does, because she's still young. But this is her Hideyoshi thing she will be the second stubbornest human of all time about. She knows she's earned her rank, and her age and inexperience doesn't hold her back, but when she's treated like a child, she hates it most.

I told her you do love her. That treating her as a sibling is as close as you get to someone. She doesn't get it though. It would be like if I told Hideyoshi he is my brother. He would think I'm worried he'll betray me like the others, or that I'm not seeing him as uniquely himself.

Another thing Hideyoshi and Teyrey have in common: they distrust sneakiness. Mitsuhide has a tough time with Hideyoshi, because he works in the underground of society. Everything he says is deceptive. I know this, but sometimes I still forget with Ari that I need to be upfront and never hide my plans or thoughts, or she will think worse things.

And finally...

Sometimes it's really hard to know when someone just needs to experience something to understand that it is actually fun, like Disco. But other times, it is best to leave clear lines where they are and not try to drag people out of them.

You're just being you, I'm just being me, and the rest of the world are prickly sea urchins we could assemble into better tight spaces by helping them, but sometimes it's better to just let them stab each other, and hope they come ask for our help when they see how we're doing just fine.

Teyrey is a prickly sea urchin. She is prickly because her inside is super tasty, so she has to be careful not to let people like you taste it and get addicted.

She doesn't want anything like how you are with Ava. I think.. . Maybe she'd prefer more like how you are with Valdis? I'm not sure. But it is like Hideyoshi. She wants to be treated as fearsome and intimidating. Not as approachable and cute or kind. Intelligent, strong, lethal, regal, poised, this sort of thing.

I'm not telling you how to be, just be you, always. I'm telling you a secret to rethinking how you are with her. Because you have been sad about it lately, and it is not resolving on its own. And I love you. And I think she likes you, but you should know -- most non-Americans will get flustered even when that's said platonically. You should also just tell her straight. She will likely get flustered and confused, but she didn't go through normal Earther courting rituals all pretending, and being coy. On the tradelines, they would just have one night stands, so it's very to the point... I think.
Edited Date: 2022-12-29 11:07 am (UTC)

Date: 2022-12-29 07:34 pm (UTC)
konpeito_aji: (Ayyyy lmao)
From: [personal profile] konpeito_aji
[Nobuanga just... laughs... and tugs Klaus into a hug and holds him there! And kisses Klaus' head.]

She doesn't. She doesn't understand. She's still young, and doesn't want to be seen like that.

And Klaus... you weren't normal. And that's okay, but there were only the 7 of you with powers, and you destroyed the world trying to save it. That's not normal for anyone's timeline.

[And just.... More laughs!]

[And more hugs and head kisses!]
Nothing. I love how you are with her. Teyrey doesn't want that for herself. She's like Ieyasu. She said getting thrown in the pool was the worst, and I told her Valdis threw me in, and it was hilarious. But try treating her as different from both Ava, and your siblings. Maybe more like Valdis. A sexy lethal giant hound who might try to seduce you, or eat your soul. At worst, she'll learn she hates it, and grow to appreciate the way things used to be better.

Date: 2022-12-29 08:14 pm (UTC)
konpeito_aji: (elegance)
From: [personal profile] konpeito_aji
She didn't mean to. And so am I. [Acting dumb and then super mean on purpose, but he can't stifle the laugh about Klaus not wanting to seduce her.] I don't mean you should seduce her. I might shoot you for that. Just act like she's -- you know what, I don't know. I meant about Valdis, but if that's how you are with her then no.

Tch... No. [ALL THE HEAD KISSES!!! And picks Klaus up!] You can't avoid her anyway. [Because she is literally under contract to protect Klaus ayyyyy.]

Everyone is prickly sea urchins. Just remember you like her as she is. She is always terse about having fun, because her whole existence is like that part of Diego that goes -- how did you say it? Discount Batman? Vigilante? And the part of Luther from before Regi died when he was still trying to earn his place as Number 1. She wants to prove her competency. When she is not working, not progressing in her goals, she feels lost. Understanding values... she does understand how much it bothers you what she said about your family, okay? So tell her. And show her she can more honest with herself with you too. But I think you already miss her.
Edited Date: 2022-12-29 08:14 pm (UTC)

Date: 2022-12-30 08:22 am (UTC)
konpeito_aji: (Caped confidence)
From: [personal profile] konpeito_aji
She's never had siblings. She had peers. All very professional, stern, proper. So to her loving is like that, and peaceful. Prosperity. Remember the Tradelines motto? Stabbing isn't peaceful. To her it is that easy. I don't think the idea that loving sibling relationships is so important to you that its an insult ever calculated in her mind. I said she wants to be a mature adult, not that she is. She still thinks in these simpler ways.

[Top of head kiss! ow ow the cute it burns.] So I can't joke about shooting you, even with a water gun, but Diego stabs you and if Teyrey is confused about that culture clash, she's insulting your family?

[He has a Klaus on him now, yay!] How are you going to avoid her in your heart?

She thinks it's culture, you think it's closeness, I think you're both right. Isn't it the same as me, when I want to break the social rules inhibiting people from attaining their true potential and freedom of selves?

Date: 2022-12-31 08:35 pm (UTC)
konpeito_aji: (Entertain me)
From: [personal profile] konpeito_aji
[Amused, arches both eyebrows.] You don't think it's magnificently idealistic. [Gentle poke!] Your cult leader grifting is showing through~~ [So obviously teasing!!] Sounds like you need to tell her your values instead of assuming it's understood. And likewise, respect hers too. You can't call peace and prosperity stupid and get confused that she doesn't understand the idea of loving siblings. I barely understand it, and you don't give me a hard time for it, do you?

I think you might be right about love. Just like you see peace and prosperity like an ideal, not a tangible every day aspect of her reality she constantly made come true every day, one moment at a time and interaction. Isn't that how love works too? [Love!!! ♥ Death! 👿] I told you even partnership contracts like what you an I have only last a few years in her sector. And the can be ended sooner. But she knows love when she sees it. She says we're perfect together, you and me. But she's only hearing about your siblings. Maybe it'd be different if they were here. Are you sure that's not what really upsets you? You miss them, she doesn't fill that void, and maybe you feel a little guilty thinking that void could be filled by anyone else, and you feel like you must be explaining them poorly?

[Head kiss!]

You don't.... [Laughs about the beige!] Ew no! Stick with purple! Or pastels. Or teal or... whatever! [Laughs!] You don't have to be professional with her! We're both explorers, her and me! We love you for expanding our horizons. She'd say "greatly value" but American friendship love, right? The constant act towards achieving the ideal! Just treat her like herself. Understand that she isn't like Ava and your siblings. You're all Americans, remember? It's a huge difference! You make it hard to really shock! Well, you specifically, impossible. I want to. Pratt insists you'll have the funniest reactions but I almost never get them. But in general, Americans seem so radical. It's not just time period either. The British are stuffy. Yuuki is -- reserved and surly isn't the right word, but... conservative definitely. At least in comparison. And I love it! But all that time traveling you never noticed how shocked the rest of the world seemed by you???

And Teyrey's got it even harder! She has no one from any of her star systems, culture, core concepts, food, anything. You said yourself, even peace and prosperity, the foundation of her moral core, who she is and wants to be, seems fake to you.

You're smarter than you like people to know Babe. [Kisses a temple and gently massages a hand down Klaus' chest.] In her case... use it! She already demands and expects it. And you can't let her down worse than making her feel forced to be someone to please you that she can't be. Understood?

I love you.

Date: 2022-12-31 09:38 pm (UTC)
konpeito_aji: (Not always murdering)
From: [personal profile] konpeito_aji
[Laughs!!! He loves Klaus so much!!]

I think they see love as an arrangement of convenient circumstances. Meant to promote peace, and prosperity. And what you have with your siblings... is definitely not that, Klaus! [Laughs! And kisses forehead!] So show her! I don't mean throw knives at her, you're not Diego. I mean show her love.

[So cute!!!! Nobunaga affectionately rubs his nose against Klaus'!]

Date: 2023-01-01 02:37 am (UTC)
konpeito_aji: (well rested)
From: [personal profile] konpeito_aji
Yet. Remember, you know who to ask. And you can come to knife club with me anytime you want.

Date: 2023-01-01 04:13 am (UTC)
konpeito_aji: (Seeing into your future)
From: [personal profile] konpeito_aji
And me! [IDIOT.]

Ah... [A headtilt.] Was I wrong for that? I figured maximum options would be better? [AHAHAHAH GET IT? MAXIMUM???? He cracks himself up.]

Date: 2023-01-01 05:19 am (UTC)
konpeito_aji: (Look only at me)
From: [personal profile] konpeito_aji
[NOBUNAGA GRABS BOTH OF KLAUS' CHEEKS AGAIN IN MAXIMUM IRRITATION!]

Why are you always like this?!

You say trust you, but when it's me, it's all "Noooo don't WORRY me like that, I'll cry!"

Understand, I've had sex with Valdis, I let her have sex with you, I would fight and spar with her, but I know she could kill me, and it'd be pointless. I do not trust her. You can't just turn Blackbeard into your friend through letting him stab you. If it was that easy, everyone I've ever met would be my friend, and then I wouldn't want to stab anyone after that once. Do you get it?

And Pratt isn't going to be saved by you trying to offer yourself as a stabbing sacrifice. It's insulting. Both to Pratt, and Blackbeard, and yourself. You're worth more than any fucking sacrifice ever created, Baka!

If you want to learn knives with Blackbeard, do it for you! Not for him, not for me, not even for Diego. Isn't that what you said about me and trying to learn to respect everyone's wishes and communicate better? You can't just say "Well I asked and received permission, this is communicating." If I, who never asks permission, but at least I'm bloody fucking God's piss trying, can understand this, why can't you?

Date: 2023-01-01 07:59 am (UTC)
konpeito_aji: (so be it)
From: [personal profile] konpeito_aji
Why? [He isn't going to point out that even Regi threw Klaus under a literal bus, but...] Valdis doesn't even know what she wants. How?

So be his friend. But don't lie to both yourself and me, that it's going to change him. That's not the point of friendship. And Pratt can take care of himself, as unbelievable as that sounds. He knows better now, that it won't be sexy like he thought.

I don't...

[Nobunaga's hurt by that. He's trying and yet...] Explain. [Just quietly. Composed.]

Date: 2023-01-01 08:36 am (UTC)
konpeito_aji: ("......")
From: [personal profile] konpeito_aji
You know what you want. Or... I know what you want. You want everyone to be happy and safe and fulfilled. You go crazy, because that can be contradictory. This is your motivation. This is why you do everything and anything. Valdis does not have this figured out yet. She knows what she does not want, but that is not enough for me.

What does trust mean to you, Klaus?

Then just be Blackbeard's friend. I have never told you not to, have I?

I have never asked you to trust me. And I never will. Such a thing, is not how I work. I want your faith, but only because I work every day to earn it. I don't want your trust. I want you to be skeptical, and able to kill me when no one else can. I hate that Teyrey trusts me. I have told her over and over, I will abuse it, and I will, and I do, keep hurting her and taking advantage of it. And I always will.

I do treat you gently. Because I want to. I want to protect you. You've been through a lot and you've had almost no one in your life offer you simple basics like this. I am much harsher on you than almost anyone else too. Because I have the highest of standards. And I know you can withstand it. So I do things with you I would never with anyone else. I told you the first day we met, I don't want to break you. I'm good at breaking people. On purpose, but even on accident. But you always exceed my expectations. I do not want to hold you back from anything. That is why I told you to date Bash. That is why I cannot tell you NOT to sleep with others, only leave it as your choice, and forever try to be the best so you don't feel inclined to want anyone else.

I think you understand more than I do, Klaus. "Wakaran," in Japanese, means I don't get it. I feel like I say that constantly here. I am forever filled with questions. Because I don't understand.

Date: 2023-01-01 10:41 am (UTC)
konpeito_aji: (playing the fool is my job not yours)
From: [personal profile] konpeito_aji
I don't... Reliable. Is that it? Tch. [Nobunaga pokes Klaus' forehead!] Do you think I dislike people disagreeing with me? I have 5 generals at home, none of them agree with each other about anything! I prefer people to challenge me. To disagree with me, and tell me how I'm wrong. I get heated. I have to. All my emotions are tied up in it, and I am incapable of detaching them. If the stance someone is taking isn't strong enough to defend it against my temper, then it's not worth my time. No one agreed with me about Mt. Hiei, and I never would have employed them if they had! What I did was an atrocity. [Bared teeth, snarl.] I set an entire mountain on fire. But it is only knowing that all my generals hated it, that I knew they would do everything they could to make sure it was as least awful as it could be.

And Kichou... [HARD FACEPALM! Nearly a slap and donking sound.] Kichou was a sadist, almost as much as I am. He is cruel. Saito Dosan, his father, is worse than even Reginald Hargreaves. He's an evil Uncle too. He tortured Kichou, and Mitsuhide, his nephew. He killed my father, and he almost tortured his whole lands as daimyo. I mention this because... Kichou is the only other person I would have proposed to. But Kichou is a sadist. I am not a masochist, and if he was, our entire relationship would have been a lot healthier, but truthfully, it could never be actually healthy. We are both immensely strong personalities, and he has more rage than even I. I sent him to deal with the Ikkou Ikki, but he failed me. I don't understand what changed, but the next time I saw him, he vowed to never allow peace. And I still don't hate him. I don't hate anyone. Hate is the worst. I don't fear being hated, because it will always hurt its wielder more than anyone else. But I can -- easily, have sex without trusting someone. Everything with Kichou was like a dance to see who would stab each other first. A battle of wills and ideals, and just... highly charged war without letting anyone interfere in our dance.

Let's see, your AU twin got his fingers cut off and fed to him, and you told me you want to prevent that by helping Blackbeard mitigate his stabbing urges, like you mitigate all my anger by letting me bite you, and you wonder why I am a little leery of this? [SIGH.] Klaus. Swords in my time... are taught by tutors. Monks. They teach them to children from the time they are born. Rather, the noble children. The castes -- you understand, they do not allow the other three castes to use the sword. It is a privilege only afforded the samurai, this is something I personally changed. One of those rules you say I am too intense about. They teach them by cutting children. "You can't understand the pain you inflict on others without experiencing it yourself. Always remember this pain. And learn not to fear it, but not seek it." This kind of thing. I will stab you anywhere you wish. But I am never going to be happy with the idea of someone I don't know, cannot trust, stabbing you for their own enjoyment, and you saying, "Teehee! It's okay, we're friends!" If this does not make sense to you, ask Ava or Pratt. But make sure you tell them, it's not just masochism, because I have always offered to stab you too. For that matter, even ask Valdis.

To me... when I say I don't trust... it's yes... I think similar? It is hm... Not just reliability. Predictability. That I know what they'll do and why. That is why I trust motivations but... Trust is... to me, it means I do not try to tear it apart. There is no logic that factors in, I believe words because the person says so, because I have no reason to doubt them. I put the person above my reason. This is not the case. Are you upset that I don't trust you about being stabbed? I'm sorry. I cannot. It is not that I don't trust you, I don't trust them. I haven't met them. If you were getting stabbed by Valdis, I would be okay with it. Maybe this is the problem with sex too. No wait, Sharky. I don't know. I don't know what my problem is, I'm sorry.

If I tell Teyrey something, of course she questions me. She understands: That is what I want. She would immensely disappoint me if she didn't! That would mean she is afraid of me. That she hates me. That's not trust at all.

Trust is -- accepting what someone says about information without checking or comparing to anything else. I couldn't afford that at home. Not after No-- my brother. [The anger from earlier softens completely.] I did... I used to trust him. I'm flattered that Teyrey trusts me, but I've told her constantly to verify everything I say. Because I have my blind spots. Even me. And I don't know where they are, or they wouldn't exist. I've told her, and she agrees, to not believe my words ever, but my actions speak for themselves.

I'm reliable. I don't... think Valdis is for me yet. I think you can trust her implicitly. So... I do trust her with you. I told her the first day I met her, don't protect me, that's not how generals like me work. Protect you. Because then I can still act rationally. And she has given me reasons to trust her in that regard.

Tell you -- [Irritated growl.] No, Klaus. I can't. I told you, I'm glad you understood my jealousy. That I would be hurt or maybe just angry, and there would be consequences. But I'm not as -- in tune with my emotions as I want... or need to be. I'm... I have to rely on your strength for this, I am sorry. It's not because I don't want to suffocate you, it's because... I can't be someone making these kinds of restrictions. I'm... scared. It's not even that I don't trust you. I trust you to know better than me. But it would hurt me. Please... please understand this... this is like the values I tried to bring up. [Ugh why is this so hard?!]

How can faith and trust sound the same to a cult leader? [Laughs, because ehhhh sure why not. And just pokes Klaus' cheek.] Faith is... [A headtilt. A SMILE!] I retract that. It's an optimism that people mean well, they will do their best. I guess that could be a form of trust. I just never thought it that way before? [More laughs! And kisses Klaus' forehead.] I am glad I asked you this. Obviously... faith in gods I don't have. But it is believing they are real without evidence, even with evidence to the contrary. It's a little different, I think, in people, because it's built with time. With recurring successes. Similar to why I trust Valdis with you. Tentative building. But if ever fails, I won't be entirely surprised. Just disappointed.

Date: 2023-01-01 10:09 pm (UTC)
konpeito_aji: (chu!)
From: [personal profile] konpeito_aji
I want to be disagreed with. If you don't tell me when and why you disagree with me, I won't get stronger.

Not a friend! [Very hoarsely! And he even shudders!] Definitely not a friend. An ex. The closest I've been to getting dumped I suppose. I asked him to do something I thought no one else had a chance, but I don't know what happened to him. [Kichou timetraveled into the future, though Nobunaga doesn't know this.] He had to go deep undercover in the cult. [Nobunaga comes over, puts his left arm over Klaus' shoulders, laying on his front and gently shooter his lips.] Nothing like you, worry not. And it is like he never showed up.

[Snuggles into Klaus' neck, just breathing in their smell! This is nice.]

Yare yare... Klaus... [Why is he always asking for this??? Values? And yet even now...]

I don't mind you getting stabbed, it's not that I think it's inherently like how I find you sexy and biting you soothes me a million ways. I don't want you to get stabbed, because you don't want to be stabbed. You're so desperate to be friends and help someone you'll do things you don't like to please them. Stop acting like your only worth is in things like this. I love you. You are fantastic, you are brilliant. Find another way. Just be his friend. He likes whips too. I don't even have a problem if you want to practice whips with him because it's fun. I am uncomfortable, however, with you letting him whip you. Do you understand the difference? It's important.

Things I want.... how the hell can I know that? I've never even heard of stuff you have. Choking you with a tie I thought was the hottest thing I've ever done. Then I remembered to show you my whip. Then that was the hottest. Then you convinced me to be your sheathe. So that was the hottest too.

Klaus... I want to make you smile. I want to do things that my head says are really stupid and I will hate, like karaoke, and wearing a lion costume instead of being like everyone else as a demon, and every ice cream flavor in one bowl, and Disco dancing, argh.

[Struck by demonic inspiration, Nobunaga kisses down Klaus forehead and nose and oh so chastely barely ghosts the lips.]

I want to be the one you rely the most on. I want you to always be free, always make friends, always cherish them above all else, but I want to be the only one you return to at night, the only one to help you reach sexual heights, the only one to have your romantic love like this. I want to be the best for you. I want you to be safe, fulfilled and above all else happy. I will turn both of our bad lucks into good, with my own two hands, and your heart that saves me endlessly from my darkness. Because you are the strongest, sweetest, most valuable treasure I've ever met. To know you is to love you. Abd every day I love you more and more. I have never believed in fate and soulmates, but now I do. That's my wedding vows. So remember it.

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Klaus Hargreeves

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