Everything. [Mitsuhide right about. -- And a small groan.] Heh. Good.[Klaus' petty revenge.]
[He sits Klaus down and then curls up in their lap, head against chest, listening to heartbeat.]
They're....
[Another deep breath.]
[How much CAN he even say? Like Valdis said, Shiranui views everyone as part of his world rather than himself as part of theirs. Nobunaga defended him, of course he does, because otherwise Shiranui wouldn't do anything. Couldn't. Oni aren't allowed to be part of the rest of the world. Was he too delicate in trying with Ari? Expecting too little seemed immensely unlikely. Impossible even. Trying too hard? Would it all be better if he said nothing? Except he can't do that either.]
[Curled up against Klaus' chest.]
I will always worry about you.
[A gentle nuzzle.]
They're always like this.
Let me think some more. [How much can he say about them? Much as he worried about Klaus, and worried about saying too much, it was the same with Shiranui acting like people were part of his world, because otherwise then he couldn't act at all. When Nobunaga worries about saying too much, he freezes up, says nothing, and in experience, that is always worse.]
They're very all or nothing people.
Sea urchins who don't know how to fuck without killing each other.
[Too vulgar? Whatever, he means it.]
[He sets Klaus all the way down on their back, and curls up both his arms on Klaus' shoulders and rests his chin on them.] Mitsuhide is my left hand. Do you remember how paranoid I was the first month we met? [He says like he's not still IMMENSELY paranoid and didn't get a house specifically he could fortify etc.] When he first arrived on the ship, Tayrey was wearing my clan pin. He is my shadow. He does torture investigations and infiltration of enemies. The things even I cannot do because it's too politically risky. Tayrey and Hideyoshi are like this. [Crosses two fingers together.] They think alike. Their personalities are almost identical. They're honest, straight-forward, and want everything to be that way. And aggressively violent with those who are like Mitsuhide and must act in the shadows and conceal their thoughts at all times.
So Mitsuhide sees my pin, and asks, "How did you get that, how do you know Lord Oda?" And she answered, "Oh he's been my commander for months." "That's not possible, I saw him this morning." And Mitsuhide is not trusting, none of us are. But Tayrey thinks she's a Tradeliner, in her universe, all the people she's ever known, ever heard of, know the consequences for Tradeliners for lying, it's total exile, worse than death. Mitsuhide has only ever known liars and assassins, that's his job. Tayrey tells him, "It's okay, on my oath as a Tradeliner, you should meet him yourself."
[Holds up both fists and knocks them against each other.] The worst possible thing to say.
But how could she have known? It's not like she's spent decades in my world. She knows how I deal with assassins often, but she thinks of it like Hideyoshi. That the easiest way is to patrol, guard, and shoot to kill any intruders. [Laughs.] Once I called Yato on the phone and I said I needed his help. I didn't know he could teleport through the phone! It makes sense, that's how he does his god thing. But he showed up in her room, and she just shot at him to protect me before she even knew it was him.
Yare yare. [Shakes a hand through his hair.] Even now...
Mitushide and Hideyoshi are always butting heads too. Sometimes I think Hideyoshi would kill him if I wasn't there to stop him. Mitsuhide takes it in stride. It helps his reputation, so then people who think he really would help assassinate me will come to him. [Leans on an elbow over Klaus' shoulder.]
On the ship I told him she is like Hideyoshi, in personality. But the two differences are that she grew up noble and ran away to become a soldier, and she's at least as smart as him, not as powerful. But not to feel too responsible because she got into arguments with you and Valdis or others too. He said, "Doesn't she have any of Hideyoshi's charm?" [A soft smile.] I said, "She does! She does! It's just personality conflicts. The people she likes from their connection to me." [A frown.]
Or maybe it's just me at all.
With Shiranui -- no, rewind again.
Mitsuhide was worried she's too naive. Acting like everyone should just understand her Tradeliner oath is so unbreakable, and getting insulted when it isn't accepted like that. I said she did run into problems with it, with you and Valdis, she just needs more time.
[Frown frown frown.]
[Curls back on both arms on Klaus' collarbone.] I told Mitsuhide in advance here she is my second in command, that she is like Hideyoshi in personality, but with Tradelines instead of Oda forces.
And that I married you. [Of course.] And that it's just as well he didn't remember the ship since I think she and I really confused him, but him turning into a kitsune kind of set the bar for things being impossible yet true.
Asking what he did... saying all that he did...
Part of me thinks he is mad about Tayrey, wanting to remind me she is not Hideyoshi, not a replacement. Part of me thinks he is mad at himself for not being with me. Part of worries he is mad that I do not let myself miss Hideyoshi as much because of Tayrey, because I want to explore, because Hideyoshi belongs in Japan watching over my country, even though I'm glad Mitsuhide is here. Part of me thinks he is trying to find his balance as my left hand since Hideyoshi is my right, and that would make Tayrey my right. Part of me hopes I'm being too cautious. And you know I do not hope. Therefore I must not be, perhaps I'm being too reckless. [Or very definitely overthinking everything under the sun and including the sun.]
With Shiranui... they were fine before I came. They had some mild culture clash, but worked it out. They both agree on this.
I wanted her to rely on him more, to understand what it is like in oni culture. No, what it's like in Japan for an oni. He is doing fine here, no one is ... anti-oni. Or expects everyone to be human or has a caste system for those who are not. I said he could be her guide to dealing with --
[A head shake and he closes his eyes.] In the room, she didn't handle it well, as you saw. She viewed everyone as a potential threat. Um, that is like me and Mitsuhide, Hideyoshi... not so much, but I'd attribute that to power. Hideyoshi's strength means he doesn't view things as threats to himself, just to me or the army. In Tayrey's case, the Tradelines reputation is what she is trying to maintain.
And it's that... which is why she does things like refusing to do things purely for herself, which you and Valdis know better than anyone.
Shiranui doesn't get that at all, because he's gotten to see the part of her that does things for herself, but he doesn't realize that's what it is, that it's that intimate for her, that she isn't like that with others. That she always has that shield up that is trying to represent the entirety of the Tradelines; just like I do for Japan. [Solemn nod.]
[And a face scrunch.] I do it way less than her obviously. Because I'm a selfish bastard. Point is...
I'm worried. She's doing a lot better here, truly. And I think... she couldn't go straight back to the Tradelines, definitely. She's not... healed. Internally. And she doesn't see it. She doesn't see everyone here as her world, nor as badly as she did on the ship -- as threats, but she's still more rigid than she could be, to reach full potential, and she's still, deeply scarred inside. Maybe even still open wounds.
I tried to say the benefits of relying on Shiranui more, to also -- [Grinds his teeth.] Let him reach his potential too. Let her respect his strength as useful and not view it as antagonistic. [A frustrated growl.] It got all fucked up because I can never pin my thoughts down. Always thinking fifteen things at once.
I tried to say, she should try the onsen now when she can control more aspects of it, so that if something like the room ever happened later, she could handle it better. I suggested she could take Shiranui and just do a private room then but that was definitely the wrong thing and all Hell broke loose so we had a huge argument about kidnapping, oni culture, and contracts and partnerships -- ahhh romantic relationships. Because I know she doesn't do that, but I will give her capacity if she ever wants it, and she shouldn't just close off options on the assumption she will hate it. Because she'd only be doing that because it's what Tradelines thinks about things, or her society, all humans in her sector, rather than her individually.
And I don't even know what I can say to Shiranui to warn him because I can't say, "She's deeply fucking scarred by the ship and overreacting to small things, tread lightly," because that might as well put a giant red target on the wound and make it worse. As it is, she doesn't get it, as clan leader, as daimyo, as Oda Nobunaga, I do have to be involved in personal lives of my army, I came [Holds his fingers up.] This damn close to ordering Hideyoshi to get a girlfriend to get off my back, but on the Tradelines, that's ~super~ forbidden, everything is behind closed doors and I can't get why when everything else is so out in the open. Privacy and what is okay to say or not? I don't get it. How can I? I'm not from anyone else's culture, I'm not even truly part of Japanese culture.
Which at least, Shiranui gets but --
[Grits his teeth and grinds them before kissing Klaus' forehead and calming down.] Sorry. Things we say about others really just reflects our own selves' thoughts and fears.
[Rubs his temples.] For all I know... Mitsuhide was trying to start a good conversation with Tayrey thinking she'd be like Hideyoshi on candy. [Attempts and fails a lopsided weak grin. He clearly doesn't think that.]
I don't know how much they're even... [Smacks fists together again in demonstration.] But I know they're worse than oil and water. Whatever is murkier than water.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-06-16 07:39 pm (UTC)[He sits Klaus down and then curls up in their lap, head against chest, listening to heartbeat.]
They're....
[Another deep breath.]
[How much CAN he even say? Like Valdis said, Shiranui views everyone as part of his world rather than himself as part of theirs. Nobunaga defended him, of course he does, because otherwise Shiranui wouldn't do anything. Couldn't. Oni aren't allowed to be part of the rest of the world. Was he too delicate in trying with Ari? Expecting too little seemed immensely unlikely. Impossible even. Trying too hard? Would it all be better if he said nothing? Except he can't do that either.]
[Curled up against Klaus' chest.]
I will always worry about you.
[A gentle nuzzle.]
They're always like this.
Let me think some more. [How much can he say about them? Much as he worried about Klaus, and worried about saying too much, it was the same with Shiranui acting like people were part of his world, because otherwise then he couldn't act at all. When Nobunaga worries about saying too much, he freezes up, says nothing, and in experience, that is always worse.]
They're very all or nothing people.
Sea urchins who don't know how to fuck without killing each other.
[Too vulgar? Whatever, he means it.]
[He sets Klaus all the way down on their back, and curls up both his arms on Klaus' shoulders and rests his chin on them.] Mitsuhide is my left hand. Do you remember how paranoid I was the first month we met? [He says like he's not still IMMENSELY paranoid and didn't get a house specifically he could fortify etc.] When he first arrived on the ship, Tayrey was wearing my clan pin. He is my shadow. He does torture investigations and infiltration of enemies. The things even I cannot do because it's too politically risky. Tayrey and Hideyoshi are like this. [Crosses two fingers together.] They think alike. Their personalities are almost identical. They're honest, straight-forward, and want everything to be that way. And aggressively violent with those who are like Mitsuhide and must act in the shadows and conceal their thoughts at all times.
So Mitsuhide sees my pin, and asks, "How did you get that, how do you know Lord Oda?" And she answered, "Oh he's been my commander for months." "That's not possible, I saw him this morning." And Mitsuhide is not trusting, none of us are. But Tayrey thinks she's a Tradeliner, in her universe, all the people she's ever known, ever heard of, know the consequences for Tradeliners for lying, it's total exile, worse than death. Mitsuhide has only ever known liars and assassins, that's his job. Tayrey tells him, "It's okay, on my oath as a Tradeliner, you should meet him yourself."
[Holds up both fists and knocks them against each other.] The worst possible thing to say.
But how could she have known? It's not like she's spent decades in my world. She knows how I deal with assassins often, but she thinks of it like Hideyoshi. That the easiest way is to patrol, guard, and shoot to kill any intruders. [Laughs.] Once I called Yato on the phone and I said I needed his help. I didn't know he could teleport through the phone! It makes sense, that's how he does his god thing. But he showed up in her room, and she just shot at him to protect me before she even knew it was him.
Yare yare. [Shakes a hand through his hair.] Even now...
Mitushide and Hideyoshi are always butting heads too. Sometimes I think Hideyoshi would kill him if I wasn't there to stop him. Mitsuhide takes it in stride. It helps his reputation, so then people who think he really would help assassinate me will come to him. [Leans on an elbow over Klaus' shoulder.]
On the ship I told him she is like Hideyoshi, in personality. But the two differences are that she grew up noble and ran away to become a soldier, and she's at least as smart as him, not as powerful. But not to feel too responsible because she got into arguments with you and Valdis or others too. He said, "Doesn't she have any of Hideyoshi's charm?" [A soft smile.] I said, "She does! She does! It's just personality conflicts. The people she likes from their connection to me." [A frown.]
Or maybe it's just me at all.
With Shiranui -- no, rewind again.
Mitsuhide was worried she's too naive. Acting like everyone should just understand her Tradeliner oath is so unbreakable, and getting insulted when it isn't accepted like that. I said she did run into problems with it, with you and Valdis, she just needs more time.
[Frown frown frown.]
[Curls back on both arms on Klaus' collarbone.] I told Mitsuhide in advance here she is my second in command, that she is like Hideyoshi in personality, but with Tradelines instead of Oda forces.
And that I married you. [Of course.] And that it's just as well he didn't remember the ship since I think she and I really confused him, but him turning into a kitsune kind of set the bar for things being impossible yet true.
Asking what he did... saying all that he did...
Part of me thinks he is mad about Tayrey, wanting to remind me she is not Hideyoshi, not a replacement. Part of me thinks he is mad at himself for not being with me. Part of worries he is mad that I do not let myself miss Hideyoshi as much because of Tayrey, because I want to explore, because Hideyoshi belongs in Japan watching over my country, even though I'm glad Mitsuhide is here. Part of me thinks he is trying to find his balance as my left hand since Hideyoshi is my right, and that would make Tayrey my right. Part of me hopes I'm being too cautious. And you know I do not hope. Therefore I must not be, perhaps I'm being too reckless. [Or very definitely overthinking everything under the sun and including the sun.]
With Shiranui... they were fine before I came. They had some mild culture clash, but worked it out. They both agree on this.
I wanted her to rely on him more, to understand what it is like in oni culture. No, what it's like in Japan for an oni. He is doing fine here, no one is ... anti-oni. Or expects everyone to be human or has a caste system for those who are not. I said he could be her guide to dealing with --
[A head shake and he closes his eyes.] In the room, she didn't handle it well, as you saw. She viewed everyone as a potential threat. Um, that is like me and Mitsuhide, Hideyoshi... not so much, but I'd attribute that to power. Hideyoshi's strength means he doesn't view things as threats to himself, just to me or the army. In Tayrey's case, the Tradelines reputation is what she is trying to maintain.
And it's that... which is why she does things like refusing to do things purely for herself, which you and Valdis know better than anyone.
Shiranui doesn't get that at all, because he's gotten to see the part of her that does things for herself, but he doesn't realize that's what it is, that it's that intimate for her, that she isn't like that with others. That she always has that shield up that is trying to represent the entirety of the Tradelines; just like I do for Japan. [Solemn nod.]
[And a face scrunch.] I do it way less than her obviously. Because I'm a selfish bastard. Point is...
I'm worried. She's doing a lot better here, truly. And I think... she couldn't go straight back to the Tradelines, definitely. She's not... healed. Internally. And she doesn't see it. She doesn't see everyone here as her world, nor as badly as she did on the ship -- as threats, but she's still more rigid than she could be, to reach full potential, and she's still, deeply scarred inside. Maybe even still open wounds.
I tried to say the benefits of relying on Shiranui more, to also -- [Grinds his teeth.] Let him reach his potential too. Let her respect his strength as useful and not view it as antagonistic. [A frustrated growl.] It got all fucked up because I can never pin my thoughts down. Always thinking fifteen things at once.
I tried to say, she should try the onsen now when she can control more aspects of it, so that if something like the room ever happened later, she could handle it better. I suggested she could take Shiranui and just do a private room then but that was definitely the wrong thing and all Hell broke loose so we had a huge argument about kidnapping, oni culture, and contracts and partnerships -- ahhh romantic relationships. Because I know she doesn't do that, but I will give her capacity if she ever wants it, and she shouldn't just close off options on the assumption she will hate it. Because she'd only be doing that because it's what Tradelines thinks about things, or her society, all humans in her sector, rather than her individually.
And I don't even know what I can say to Shiranui to warn him because I can't say, "She's deeply fucking scarred by the ship and overreacting to small things, tread lightly," because that might as well put a giant red target on the wound and make it worse. As it is, she doesn't get it, as clan leader, as daimyo, as Oda Nobunaga, I do have to be involved in personal lives of my army, I came [Holds his fingers up.] This damn close to ordering Hideyoshi to get a girlfriend to get off my back, but on the Tradelines, that's ~super~ forbidden, everything is behind closed doors and I can't get why when everything else is so out in the open. Privacy and what is okay to say or not? I don't get it. How can I? I'm not from anyone else's culture, I'm not even truly part of Japanese culture.
Which at least, Shiranui gets but --
[Grits his teeth and grinds them before kissing Klaus' forehead and calming down.] Sorry. Things we say about others really just reflects our own selves' thoughts and fears.
[Rubs his temples.] For all I know... Mitsuhide was trying to start a good conversation with Tayrey thinking she'd be like Hideyoshi on candy. [Attempts and fails a lopsided weak grin. He clearly doesn't think that.]
I don't know how much they're even... [Smacks fists together again in demonstration.] But I know they're worse than oil and water. Whatever is murkier than water.