Everything. [Mitsuhide right about. -- And a small groan.] Heh. Good.[Klaus' petty revenge.]
[He sits Klaus down and then curls up in their lap, head against chest, listening to heartbeat.]
They're....
[Another deep breath.]
[How much CAN he even say? Like Valdis said, Shiranui views everyone as part of his world rather than himself as part of theirs. Nobunaga defended him, of course he does, because otherwise Shiranui wouldn't do anything. Couldn't. Oni aren't allowed to be part of the rest of the world. Was he too delicate in trying with Ari? Expecting too little seemed immensely unlikely. Impossible even. Trying too hard? Would it all be better if he said nothing? Except he can't do that either.]
[Curled up against Klaus' chest.]
I will always worry about you.
[A gentle nuzzle.]
They're always like this.
Let me think some more. [How much can he say about them? Much as he worried about Klaus, and worried about saying too much, it was the same with Shiranui acting like people were part of his world, because otherwise then he couldn't act at all. When Nobunaga worries about saying too much, he freezes up, says nothing, and in experience, that is always worse.]
They're very all or nothing people.
Sea urchins who don't know how to fuck without killing each other.
[Too vulgar? Whatever, he means it.]
[He sets Klaus all the way down on their back, and curls up both his arms on Klaus' shoulders and rests his chin on them.] Mitsuhide is my left hand. Do you remember how paranoid I was the first month we met? [He says like he's not still IMMENSELY paranoid and didn't get a house specifically he could fortify etc.] When he first arrived on the ship, Tayrey was wearing my clan pin. He is my shadow. He does torture investigations and infiltration of enemies. The things even I cannot do because it's too politically risky. Tayrey and Hideyoshi are like this. [Crosses two fingers together.] They think alike. Their personalities are almost identical. They're honest, straight-forward, and want everything to be that way. And aggressively violent with those who are like Mitsuhide and must act in the shadows and conceal their thoughts at all times.
So Mitsuhide sees my pin, and asks, "How did you get that, how do you know Lord Oda?" And she answered, "Oh he's been my commander for months." "That's not possible, I saw him this morning." And Mitsuhide is not trusting, none of us are. But Tayrey thinks she's a Tradeliner, in her universe, all the people she's ever known, ever heard of, know the consequences for Tradeliners for lying, it's total exile, worse than death. Mitsuhide has only ever known liars and assassins, that's his job. Tayrey tells him, "It's okay, on my oath as a Tradeliner, you should meet him yourself."
[Holds up both fists and knocks them against each other.] The worst possible thing to say.
But how could she have known? It's not like she's spent decades in my world. She knows how I deal with assassins often, but she thinks of it like Hideyoshi. That the easiest way is to patrol, guard, and shoot to kill any intruders. [Laughs.] Once I called Yato on the phone and I said I needed his help. I didn't know he could teleport through the phone! It makes sense, that's how he does his god thing. But he showed up in her room, and she just shot at him to protect me before she even knew it was him.
Yare yare. [Shakes a hand through his hair.] Even now...
Mitushide and Hideyoshi are always butting heads too. Sometimes I think Hideyoshi would kill him if I wasn't there to stop him. Mitsuhide takes it in stride. It helps his reputation, so then people who think he really would help assassinate me will come to him. [Leans on an elbow over Klaus' shoulder.]
On the ship I told him she is like Hideyoshi, in personality. But the two differences are that she grew up noble and ran away to become a soldier, and she's at least as smart as him, not as powerful. But not to feel too responsible because she got into arguments with you and Valdis or others too. He said, "Doesn't she have any of Hideyoshi's charm?" [A soft smile.] I said, "She does! She does! It's just personality conflicts. The people she likes from their connection to me." [A frown.]
Or maybe it's just me at all.
With Shiranui -- no, rewind again.
Mitsuhide was worried she's too naive. Acting like everyone should just understand her Tradeliner oath is so unbreakable, and getting insulted when it isn't accepted like that. I said she did run into problems with it, with you and Valdis, she just needs more time.
[Frown frown frown.]
[Curls back on both arms on Klaus' collarbone.] I told Mitsuhide in advance here she is my second in command, that she is like Hideyoshi in personality, but with Tradelines instead of Oda forces.
And that I married you. [Of course.] And that it's just as well he didn't remember the ship since I think she and I really confused him, but him turning into a kitsune kind of set the bar for things being impossible yet true.
Asking what he did... saying all that he did...
Part of me thinks he is mad about Tayrey, wanting to remind me she is not Hideyoshi, not a replacement. Part of me thinks he is mad at himself for not being with me. Part of worries he is mad that I do not let myself miss Hideyoshi as much because of Tayrey, because I want to explore, because Hideyoshi belongs in Japan watching over my country, even though I'm glad Mitsuhide is here. Part of me thinks he is trying to find his balance as my left hand since Hideyoshi is my right, and that would make Tayrey my right. Part of me hopes I'm being too cautious. And you know I do not hope. Therefore I must not be, perhaps I'm being too reckless. [Or very definitely overthinking everything under the sun and including the sun.]
With Shiranui... they were fine before I came. They had some mild culture clash, but worked it out. They both agree on this.
I wanted her to rely on him more, to understand what it is like in oni culture. No, what it's like in Japan for an oni. He is doing fine here, no one is ... anti-oni. Or expects everyone to be human or has a caste system for those who are not. I said he could be her guide to dealing with --
[A head shake and he closes his eyes.] In the room, she didn't handle it well, as you saw. She viewed everyone as a potential threat. Um, that is like me and Mitsuhide, Hideyoshi... not so much, but I'd attribute that to power. Hideyoshi's strength means he doesn't view things as threats to himself, just to me or the army. In Tayrey's case, the Tradelines reputation is what she is trying to maintain.
And it's that... which is why she does things like refusing to do things purely for herself, which you and Valdis know better than anyone.
Shiranui doesn't get that at all, because he's gotten to see the part of her that does things for herself, but he doesn't realize that's what it is, that it's that intimate for her, that she isn't like that with others. That she always has that shield up that is trying to represent the entirety of the Tradelines; just like I do for Japan. [Solemn nod.]
[And a face scrunch.] I do it way less than her obviously. Because I'm a selfish bastard. Point is...
I'm worried. She's doing a lot better here, truly. And I think... she couldn't go straight back to the Tradelines, definitely. She's not... healed. Internally. And she doesn't see it. She doesn't see everyone here as her world, nor as badly as she did on the ship -- as threats, but she's still more rigid than she could be, to reach full potential, and she's still, deeply scarred inside. Maybe even still open wounds.
I tried to say the benefits of relying on Shiranui more, to also -- [Grinds his teeth.] Let him reach his potential too. Let her respect his strength as useful and not view it as antagonistic. [A frustrated growl.] It got all fucked up because I can never pin my thoughts down. Always thinking fifteen things at once.
I tried to say, she should try the onsen now when she can control more aspects of it, so that if something like the room ever happened later, she could handle it better. I suggested she could take Shiranui and just do a private room then but that was definitely the wrong thing and all Hell broke loose so we had a huge argument about kidnapping, oni culture, and contracts and partnerships -- ahhh romantic relationships. Because I know she doesn't do that, but I will give her capacity if she ever wants it, and she shouldn't just close off options on the assumption she will hate it. Because she'd only be doing that because it's what Tradelines thinks about things, or her society, all humans in her sector, rather than her individually.
And I don't even know what I can say to Shiranui to warn him because I can't say, "She's deeply fucking scarred by the ship and overreacting to small things, tread lightly," because that might as well put a giant red target on the wound and make it worse. As it is, she doesn't get it, as clan leader, as daimyo, as Oda Nobunaga, I do have to be involved in personal lives of my army, I came [Holds his fingers up.] This damn close to ordering Hideyoshi to get a girlfriend to get off my back, but on the Tradelines, that's ~super~ forbidden, everything is behind closed doors and I can't get why when everything else is so out in the open. Privacy and what is okay to say or not? I don't get it. How can I? I'm not from anyone else's culture, I'm not even truly part of Japanese culture.
Which at least, Shiranui gets but --
[Grits his teeth and grinds them before kissing Klaus' forehead and calming down.] Sorry. Things we say about others really just reflects our own selves' thoughts and fears.
[Rubs his temples.] For all I know... Mitsuhide was trying to start a good conversation with Tayrey thinking she'd be like Hideyoshi on candy. [Attempts and fails a lopsided weak grin. He clearly doesn't think that.]
I don't know how much they're even... [Smacks fists together again in demonstration.] But I know they're worse than oil and water. Whatever is murkier than water.
[Well, that is...certainly a lot. Klaus lets them get everything out, not making any noise of complaint or concern as they're moved around, just wrapping their arms around his waist.] Well. That's a lot of things happening. I think...sometimes we can't get ourselves too wrapped up in someone else's life and the things they are doing. We can't push Tayrey and Shiranui into a relationship because we know they both have a crush on each other. Even if we know that's true. Annnd if you kind of messed up on that already, you just...need to let them sort it out.
[He leans up just a little to kiss Nobunaga on the cheek.] And we also can't force Mitsuhide and Tayrey to accept each other as if she were Hideyoshi. Because even with similarities, people aren't always going to get along.
[They lightly pull Nobunaga back down against him.] I don't think you're a bad person. We're all flawed in our own ways and have our shortcomings, right? So we just...have to apologize when we get it wrong and try better next time. But I mean to be what is needed of us, not to make people see things our way.
[Nobunaga laughs softly and rubs their noses together.]
I don't know what she feels for Shiranui at all. I just wanted her to let herself be vulnerable with him for both their sakes. So they'll be stronger together. He might like her romantically, but she has some really stern ideas about how she's not supposed to.
You know I don't trust people, I trust their motivations. Hideyoshi, Ieyasu, Mitsuhide, I know they'll work for our dream. Hideyoshi, I know, will try so hard to keep me alive he'll drive me crazy, because he wants me alive far more than himself. Valdis, I couldn't figure out her motivations, so that threw me all off. You, I know you know you're happier with me, so you'll protect me and fight to keep us together, but not necessarily complete my mission objectives. That gives me the freedom to be me, you to be you, and roll with it.
Tayrey is the only person I trust her, not her goals. Not what she'll do to get there. Because she's so rigid in her belief system. She thinks she can rely on codes and that is how most wars start. But Tayrey the person wants peace. She doesn't think it's like the peacekeepers, all "if you remove all freedoms, then of course there's no war." Or that you can get it by oppression and tyranny. She's almost naive in that, right? Inexperienced. Idealistic. So if her goal was to get home... I don't trust what she'd do for that. Because we've seen desperate people. But I trust her not to torture someone just because she thinks it might work. [Nod.] Her, not her goals.
Before she can even think about "actually I might be happier if I--" say was in a relationship, or "let myself do what I want right this second..." she'd have to first be willing to be happy. If she thinks happiness will get in the way of her career or long time goals? She will never ever allow herself that. She will lie to herself so much that even if she knew she loves Shiranui, she would not tell him, because she would consider it very cruel.
And she straight up thought that you wanting her to be happy? Meant you were being mean. [Finger over lips.] I know. I tried to tell her how it was getting reversed. Obviously. But anyone who wanted her to be happy on the ship weren't able to get through the barrier she put up to protect herself. That if she didn't try to get back to her duty she'd be a traitor and a monster. That if she liked it too much, it would be the worst kind of compliance with kidnappers. That anyone who did things like that were working for the enemy. She just, at least, is good enough to recognize, she really likes and trusts you more than you think, and she knows you wouldn't want her hurting. So she just kind of... [Both hands up, palms up to the ceiling as though holding something.] Assumes "people don't get it." And "severe damage" which isn't wrong but... not the best. [Laughs... shakes his head and flomps back on Klaus chest.]
Hideyoshi and Mitsuhide always butt heads. As I said, I have worried Hideyoshi would kill him if I wasn't there, but this isn't to make Mitsuhide sound incapable. He can give more than he's got. He's clever and can be nearly as sadistic as me. [Gently nips Klaus' nose!] Don't get any ideas.
I tried to tell him not to prank her too much, she's so serious. It won't go well. Maybe I didn't tell him here, I'll try again.
But well...
[Rubs noses together again.] You're still right though. I just need to let them work it out.
I think.
[Or maybe check on them.....]
Ugh. Do you think he was trying to remind me why I would never sleep with Hideyoshi? Because that nagging would be too damn much!
Ah. This is why I thought of going through withdrawal with you. I loved it. [Kisses!] I do have an addiction. But it's not to sugar, it's to you. I loved those days, your withdrawal, when we got back together, because seeing how strong you were, and it proved I love you not just for sex. [Chu! Kisses nose tip!] That's why you're my addiction. Because just talking to you I feel better, and I didn't know I wasn't fine.
[Another nuzzle.] He's probably just trying to find the new balance. And I'm sure he didn't worry it would be that big a deal to her. The one thing Hideyoshi would agree with him on... [Literally just... fucking giggles. It's so stupid.] Poor Tayrey, losing her heroic mental image of me as a perfect stoic wise commander who is very very evil, but oh so brave and fearlessly does what's right and willing to starve for his people. [Nod nod.]
[She did not, in fact, have such a mental image of him, but.... she probably didn't think he needs a constant nanny. And definitely didn't want him ~~embarrassed~~ not that he is, but she is... for him.]
[Nor did she know even before the ship he snuck sweets the way he did with Klaus and Mai.]
You saw how she reacted to him disappearing, babe. [At least he did. He'd been sad, but not that sad. Only she doesn't remember that.]
That's the dumbest stuff I've ever heard. But yeah yeah yeah. I know. I know. It's her choice. [And they're not gonna say that to her.]
What? I don't see how wanting someone to be happy is mean. [That's even dumber. Then again, she's always had a lot of trouble understanding him and he's had trouble understanding her, too. It's just a lot of weird cultural shit and Klaus is a million times more glad to have been born on Earth and lived with his fucked up family if it means he knows how to be selfish.] I don't think she trusts me. But if you think so, then...I dunno.
[Klaus' nose scrunches up slightly.] About Mitsuhide? You think I'll get weird ideas and fuck your friend? Or just let him torture me? [Yes, Klaus knows. NOT FRIENDS. But this is still funny.]
You do have an addiction to sugar, babe. I'm still mad you didn't get the lollipop walkway I was gonna have. It would have been so amazing. [These are just those moments of weirdness. They aren't strong. That's dumb.] You're so weird. I'm just a regular person that does regular things and...I mean, I'm glad I make you feel better, though.
[They reach up, massaging his scalp a little.] I don't think she thought you were all of that, babe. She does know you.
No, she was more frustrated. She saw us all being taken to the room as a personal failure to defend against drugging and kidnapping. She likes him, but she is worse than Hideyoshi about relationships. He has never had a serious one, even though the whole city would eat him up, because he gets too willing to throw his life down for the cause and purposely keeps women at a distance. She's got all of Hideyoshi's workaholics, but none of his decades of experience and she still can't get over her duty and obligations. Much like Hideyoshi. Besides, she andI aren't American. We don't use "love" as freely as you and Crichton. [Finger over Klaus' lips.] I know, you're not that casual with it either, but remember before you? I never said it to anyone.
She doesn't trust everything you say. She trusts that you mean about protecting her, and she'd probably be happier if she could accept the idea that you could treat her as a sibling, but you know she insists she doesn't want that. Basically she sees you aa nakama. On the same ship,v having gone through similar unique battles but wildly different worlds and values. She trusts you with me. That means a lot. I probably couldn't order her to do something against her morals, but certainly something most people would find abhorrent.
[Squints at the question about Mitsuhide.] Are you already thinking about it?
Lollipop walkway???
[Eh. Maybe it is an addiction.]
[Happy growls and head butts lightly to demand more massage, completely melting!] Yes see? She knows how awesome I am. Mrrr mrr mrrrr! [Head nudge!!! More!]
None of us could have stopped that if we wanted to. It's kind of not something we can help. And we changed some stuff. I don't know if that's good for us or worse for us in the end, but...something's happening with that anyway. [They're a little curious how what they changed will change things. Because it's bound to have altered something. But...maybe it won't be as bad.] The magic of the place is still...you know...Sparkles and the Captain. Somehow. [But they let out a small breath.
And they're about to argue when they feel a finger over their lips.] I don't feel like expressing love to people should be such a weird thing. Dad never told us he loved us. Hell, we never told each other. We were like...conditioned to fight each other basically. Or tell each other 'fuck you' instead of 'I love you.' [But that changed. Even at first, them saying 'I love you' was one of those things used to get something or needle one of his siblings.]
She doesn't want to be my sibling, though. She's kiiiinda made that clear. I don't think she'd know what to do with siblings if she had one anyway. [There's a sigh here.] I guess not everyone needs siblings? But mmmm. I'm gonna press x to doubt here. It would definitely not matter even if she didn't trust me with you, cause you trust me with you. No offense.
[Klaus snorts.] Only cause you're being weird about it. But no. I'm not gonna ask Mitsuhide to torture or fuck me. You're such an idiot sometimes. [They lightly tap his forehead.] Who did I marry? You or him? Who can I barely keep my hands off? You or him? Like really, babe.
[But they nod at the question] Yeah. Ava was gonna let me make the lollipops HUGE with this cool thing and then like...I was gonna set it up as the aisle we walked down and everything. It was gonna be so cool.
[He's not going to stop unless he's told to.] She knows you're a human being with flaws the same as the rest of us, Nobunaga. [There's still a hint of a smile as they look at him.] Even if she's weird about flaws, too. And failure. But that's all of us, I guess. Are you trying to tell me you think she's blind enough to completely overlook the silly parts of your personality? Because I don't think so.
I know. But she doesn't accept magic. That's my codeword with her that we're getting too intense or into territory we need to back away from or going too far. Safe word.
I agree. People should say I love you more. It'd be a better world. Definitely. And Kenshin would hate it. Bwahahaha.... And the monks would hate it even more. Bwahahaha.
She doesn't understand it when you say siblings, and she thinks you and Ava and me and Valdis throwing each other in the pool is abusive. Keep in mind, she joined the Tradelines when she was 13. I had a dozen younger siblings, but you told me my generals are more like how you see your siblings, and that's the way I've understood it ever since. I think she could understand you being shipmates, comrades-in-arms, nakama easier. Instead of soldier vibes with it, think of it as -- [Closes his eyes.] Individualized. But in the Tradelines, everything is pretty strict. Treating one another playfully was seen as disrespectful to the point of abusive there. And if she let someone get away with it, it'd be seen as allowing them to escalate and get worse --
WHICH now that I mention that makes it really obvious why me trying to tell her to show vulnerability to Shiranui isn't seen as a thing to help them both get stronger, but me telling her to let him trample her. [Gently pounds a fist to his forehead.]
Anyway, if you say siblings, it's going to confuse her. No matter what. You can't explain it in a way that confuses her less. If you tell her about insults back and forth, like the yo-mama fights except it'd be yo-daddy for you and the Hargreaves [Because same adopted father.] she might kind of MAYBE get that it would be like her and someone else with the same captain making your captain jokes, but it would also be too disrespectful and banned on the Tradelines, so she would never do that. Instead, try to focus on the things you have in common and that it means you want her to spend time with you without having a professional face on, without her worrying that she might be bringing shame and disrespect or misrepresenting Tradelines. Time to just be herself. That you won't always ask for or demand more, you just want to provide a safe space to let her choose to do that if she wants to. To be free to.
[Nibbles Klaus' ears with a happy hum of delight.] I think she'll be happier here. Happier with letting herself be happier here... [Laughs!]
[And growls!] Yeah you better keep your hands on me! [Happy growls and nibbles.] Oh man... I hope I can remember that in the future. Or that we can ever do it again.
[Is a melted puddle for Klaus' hands!!!] What silly parts? I'm clearly a very deadly dictator who would never do something strange like wear a white haori over my head. Which is still completely practical.
[Klaus just...isn't going to discuss their feelings on the lack of belief in magic. She can't just deny something cause it doesn't make sense to her, but where will arguing it even get anyone? Nowhere. She'll keep saying some fake potentially scientific way to explain something that can't be explained with magic.]
I love you. [Quick kiss.]
We've done way worse than that. And siblings doesn't feel like anything weird and mystical. [Klaus sighs.] And yet it still sounds like soldier vibes. And I'm not a strict guidelines kind of person. I managed in her memories because I didn't want to make things worse for her, but all the time? No, thanks. At least my siblings were up front and honest when they were insulting me. It wasn't like those period dramas.
[Klaus squints slightly. They're vulnerable all the time. But then again, oversharing is probably a trauma response, isn't it?]
I think I'll just...uhhh...ignore that. [Because being siblings is a thing and, like they said, it doesn't feel like something that's so confusing.] I don't think anyone has ever assumed that they need to prove anything to me. I don't know.
[But they're distracted by the attention to their ears.] Will she even let herself be happier?
[They don't really know if they can stay focused on this conversation with everything now.] That's the easiest thing you've ever asked me to do. [And just to make a point, they bring one hand down to carefully grab his ass.]
[They snort softly] You absolutely did do that and forced me to do it, too. You menace.
I think... Tayrey feels like she has to prove herself to everyone, because she is never good enough for herself. And because of that no one will ever be accepted as right if they tell her she's good enough or too much. Isn't there someone else I know like that? Not just Hideyoshi. [He means Klaus. Although it's different because Klaus isn't perfectionist, but afraid to start things. Something Ari also does.] She does know her adopted father is proud of her, running away and all, but she still can't bring herself to accept new people as not being someone she has to prove her strength and resiliency to. It's a little like someone who always had an excuse of cultists not knowing the real person behind the symbolic leader and thus not always believing his friends when they say they know he is better than he says.
I think she will. She is already more true to herself than I have seen ever on the ship.
[NOMS EARS and growls a little at the hand, aggressively pushing Klaus against a wall.] How many surfaces have we yet to conquer and claim as our own yet?
[Klaus looks over at Nobunaga, frowning slightly.] Not Hideyoshi? Mmmmmm. Maybe. There's probably a lot of people we know like that. [They are decidedly ignoring any suggestion that this is regarding them.] You must know a lot of cultists. [Yep. Ignoring this even harder.]
I guess? I don't know. We haven't spent a lot of time together since I got here.
[There's a small sound as they're pressed against the wall. Yep. They definitely like that.] I don't remember necessarily, but I'm sure we have a few. [There's a beat.] Not sure we've done this wall, though. Or the floor....in this exact spot.
[Klaus let's his head rest back against the wall, a soft moan escaping his lips. Their arms move to pull Nobunaga closer.] Y-yeah. The floor or the wall? [Absolutely no one has needed shoes and so Klaus is just casually taking his off.] Kind of like the idea of the wall, but the floor's good, too. Can't levitate to make it easier, though.
Klaus, don't underestimate my strength. I am more than capable of carrying you even without powers. Even without daily attempts on my life, I haven't ever gotten soft.
[Klaus' cheeks grow a little pink, but...] Oh yes. I know quite a lot about that. Almost considering wearing skirts to make it easier. Can just wear the skirt so you can still use your teeth. [They do miss the ease with which they could just hide behind counters in various shops. But maybe they can find a way to hide in the garden or in the woods if there's not dangerous plants out there still.] If I get them long and full enough, I could hide you under them.
[But they're getting a little distracted.] I think I should get out of these clothes.
[Distracted by thoughts of other sexual things that could happen between them, so...it's almost the same vibe, right?
There's a soft moan at the teeth on his neck, the feeling bringing him back into the moment again.] Ha. It might get a little hot in there. But I think you'll survive.
[Their house up against their wall. Perfectly acceptable. There's a smile at the hands on his thighs.] Plus, you'd be allowed to ravage my thigh with your mouth and I know you like that. [They like it, too, so it's a win-win, right?]
[Growls in pure desire and more molesting, hoisting Klaus up higher against the wall, and making a trail of bites down their chest and waist.] I do like that, a lot, but there is nothing about you I don't like.
[Their head drops back against the wall as they feel teeth on their skin, legs moving to wrap around Nobunaga's waist.] I'm glad you like me. I never want you to stop. I like and love you so much. I'm glad you're my husband.
[He can do all manner of filthy things to Klaus, but it's the sweetness that gets to him every time.]
I'll never stop. Being your husband is the best thing I've ever gotten to be. Even more than maou or unifying Japan. [Puts a finger over Klaus' lips as he strips down and bites more down Klaus' chest.] Don't admit that I said that to my soldiers. Bad for morale probably. But I love you too. Like I've been looking for you my whole life without knowing it, just that something was missing and now it's not.
[There's a soft, breathy laugh at that, but their tongue moves to lick the finger over their lips, making a point to grab hold of Nobunaga's hand and take the finger into his mouth. Don't mind the direct eye contact as they slowly move it back out of their mouth, lips around it the whole time.] Well...I guess I can keep it a secret. Since you're so cute when you blush.
[Since they're already covered in new bite marks, it's not going to matter if there's more.]
Put it in slowly? Just to draw it out, but then you can pick the pace from there.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-06-16 07:39 pm (UTC)[He sits Klaus down and then curls up in their lap, head against chest, listening to heartbeat.]
They're....
[Another deep breath.]
[How much CAN he even say? Like Valdis said, Shiranui views everyone as part of his world rather than himself as part of theirs. Nobunaga defended him, of course he does, because otherwise Shiranui wouldn't do anything. Couldn't. Oni aren't allowed to be part of the rest of the world. Was he too delicate in trying with Ari? Expecting too little seemed immensely unlikely. Impossible even. Trying too hard? Would it all be better if he said nothing? Except he can't do that either.]
[Curled up against Klaus' chest.]
I will always worry about you.
[A gentle nuzzle.]
They're always like this.
Let me think some more. [How much can he say about them? Much as he worried about Klaus, and worried about saying too much, it was the same with Shiranui acting like people were part of his world, because otherwise then he couldn't act at all. When Nobunaga worries about saying too much, he freezes up, says nothing, and in experience, that is always worse.]
They're very all or nothing people.
Sea urchins who don't know how to fuck without killing each other.
[Too vulgar? Whatever, he means it.]
[He sets Klaus all the way down on their back, and curls up both his arms on Klaus' shoulders and rests his chin on them.] Mitsuhide is my left hand. Do you remember how paranoid I was the first month we met? [He says like he's not still IMMENSELY paranoid and didn't get a house specifically he could fortify etc.] When he first arrived on the ship, Tayrey was wearing my clan pin. He is my shadow. He does torture investigations and infiltration of enemies. The things even I cannot do because it's too politically risky. Tayrey and Hideyoshi are like this. [Crosses two fingers together.] They think alike. Their personalities are almost identical. They're honest, straight-forward, and want everything to be that way. And aggressively violent with those who are like Mitsuhide and must act in the shadows and conceal their thoughts at all times.
So Mitsuhide sees my pin, and asks, "How did you get that, how do you know Lord Oda?" And she answered, "Oh he's been my commander for months." "That's not possible, I saw him this morning." And Mitsuhide is not trusting, none of us are. But Tayrey thinks she's a Tradeliner, in her universe, all the people she's ever known, ever heard of, know the consequences for Tradeliners for lying, it's total exile, worse than death. Mitsuhide has only ever known liars and assassins, that's his job. Tayrey tells him, "It's okay, on my oath as a Tradeliner, you should meet him yourself."
[Holds up both fists and knocks them against each other.] The worst possible thing to say.
But how could she have known? It's not like she's spent decades in my world. She knows how I deal with assassins often, but she thinks of it like Hideyoshi. That the easiest way is to patrol, guard, and shoot to kill any intruders. [Laughs.] Once I called Yato on the phone and I said I needed his help. I didn't know he could teleport through the phone! It makes sense, that's how he does his god thing. But he showed up in her room, and she just shot at him to protect me before she even knew it was him.
Yare yare. [Shakes a hand through his hair.] Even now...
Mitushide and Hideyoshi are always butting heads too. Sometimes I think Hideyoshi would kill him if I wasn't there to stop him. Mitsuhide takes it in stride. It helps his reputation, so then people who think he really would help assassinate me will come to him. [Leans on an elbow over Klaus' shoulder.]
On the ship I told him she is like Hideyoshi, in personality. But the two differences are that she grew up noble and ran away to become a soldier, and she's at least as smart as him, not as powerful. But not to feel too responsible because she got into arguments with you and Valdis or others too. He said, "Doesn't she have any of Hideyoshi's charm?" [A soft smile.] I said, "She does! She does! It's just personality conflicts. The people she likes from their connection to me." [A frown.]
Or maybe it's just me at all.
With Shiranui -- no, rewind again.
Mitsuhide was worried she's too naive. Acting like everyone should just understand her Tradeliner oath is so unbreakable, and getting insulted when it isn't accepted like that. I said she did run into problems with it, with you and Valdis, she just needs more time.
[Frown frown frown.]
[Curls back on both arms on Klaus' collarbone.] I told Mitsuhide in advance here she is my second in command, that she is like Hideyoshi in personality, but with Tradelines instead of Oda forces.
And that I married you. [Of course.] And that it's just as well he didn't remember the ship since I think she and I really confused him, but him turning into a kitsune kind of set the bar for things being impossible yet true.
Asking what he did... saying all that he did...
Part of me thinks he is mad about Tayrey, wanting to remind me she is not Hideyoshi, not a replacement. Part of me thinks he is mad at himself for not being with me. Part of worries he is mad that I do not let myself miss Hideyoshi as much because of Tayrey, because I want to explore, because Hideyoshi belongs in Japan watching over my country, even though I'm glad Mitsuhide is here. Part of me thinks he is trying to find his balance as my left hand since Hideyoshi is my right, and that would make Tayrey my right. Part of me hopes I'm being too cautious. And you know I do not hope. Therefore I must not be, perhaps I'm being too reckless. [Or very definitely overthinking everything under the sun and including the sun.]
With Shiranui... they were fine before I came. They had some mild culture clash, but worked it out. They both agree on this.
I wanted her to rely on him more, to understand what it is like in oni culture. No, what it's like in Japan for an oni. He is doing fine here, no one is ... anti-oni. Or expects everyone to be human or has a caste system for those who are not. I said he could be her guide to dealing with --
[A head shake and he closes his eyes.] In the room, she didn't handle it well, as you saw. She viewed everyone as a potential threat. Um, that is like me and Mitsuhide, Hideyoshi... not so much, but I'd attribute that to power. Hideyoshi's strength means he doesn't view things as threats to himself, just to me or the army. In Tayrey's case, the Tradelines reputation is what she is trying to maintain.
And it's that... which is why she does things like refusing to do things purely for herself, which you and Valdis know better than anyone.
Shiranui doesn't get that at all, because he's gotten to see the part of her that does things for herself, but he doesn't realize that's what it is, that it's that intimate for her, that she isn't like that with others. That she always has that shield up that is trying to represent the entirety of the Tradelines; just like I do for Japan. [Solemn nod.]
[And a face scrunch.] I do it way less than her obviously. Because I'm a selfish bastard. Point is...
I'm worried. She's doing a lot better here, truly. And I think... she couldn't go straight back to the Tradelines, definitely. She's not... healed. Internally. And she doesn't see it. She doesn't see everyone here as her world, nor as badly as she did on the ship -- as threats, but she's still more rigid than she could be, to reach full potential, and she's still, deeply scarred inside. Maybe even still open wounds.
I tried to say the benefits of relying on Shiranui more, to also -- [Grinds his teeth.] Let him reach his potential too. Let her respect his strength as useful and not view it as antagonistic. [A frustrated growl.] It got all fucked up because I can never pin my thoughts down. Always thinking fifteen things at once.
I tried to say, she should try the onsen now when she can control more aspects of it, so that if something like the room ever happened later, she could handle it better. I suggested she could take Shiranui and just do a private room then but that was definitely the wrong thing and all Hell broke loose so we had a huge argument about kidnapping, oni culture, and contracts and partnerships -- ahhh romantic relationships. Because I know she doesn't do that, but I will give her capacity if she ever wants it, and she shouldn't just close off options on the assumption she will hate it. Because she'd only be doing that because it's what Tradelines thinks about things, or her society, all humans in her sector, rather than her individually.
And I don't even know what I can say to Shiranui to warn him because I can't say, "She's deeply fucking scarred by the ship and overreacting to small things, tread lightly," because that might as well put a giant red target on the wound and make it worse. As it is, she doesn't get it, as clan leader, as daimyo, as Oda Nobunaga, I do have to be involved in personal lives of my army, I came [Holds his fingers up.] This damn close to ordering Hideyoshi to get a girlfriend to get off my back, but on the Tradelines, that's ~super~ forbidden, everything is behind closed doors and I can't get why when everything else is so out in the open. Privacy and what is okay to say or not? I don't get it. How can I? I'm not from anyone else's culture, I'm not even truly part of Japanese culture.
Which at least, Shiranui gets but --
[Grits his teeth and grinds them before kissing Klaus' forehead and calming down.] Sorry. Things we say about others really just reflects our own selves' thoughts and fears.
[Rubs his temples.] For all I know... Mitsuhide was trying to start a good conversation with Tayrey thinking she'd be like Hideyoshi on candy. [Attempts and fails a lopsided weak grin. He clearly doesn't think that.]
I don't know how much they're even... [Smacks fists together again in demonstration.] But I know they're worse than oil and water. Whatever is murkier than water.
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Date: 2023-06-17 02:31 am (UTC)[He leans up just a little to kiss Nobunaga on the cheek.] And we also can't force Mitsuhide and Tayrey to accept each other as if she were Hideyoshi. Because even with similarities, people aren't always going to get along.
[They lightly pull Nobunaga back down against him.] I don't think you're a bad person. We're all flawed in our own ways and have our shortcomings, right? So we just...have to apologize when we get it wrong and try better next time. But I mean to be what is needed of us, not to make people see things our way.
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Date: 2023-06-17 04:24 am (UTC)I don't know what she feels for Shiranui at all. I just wanted her to let herself be vulnerable with him for both their sakes. So they'll be stronger together. He might like her romantically, but she has some really stern ideas about how she's not supposed to.
You know I don't trust people, I trust their motivations. Hideyoshi, Ieyasu, Mitsuhide, I know they'll work for our dream. Hideyoshi, I know, will try so hard to keep me alive he'll drive me crazy, because he wants me alive far more than himself. Valdis, I couldn't figure out her motivations, so that threw me all off. You, I know you know you're happier with me, so you'll protect me and fight to keep us together, but not necessarily complete my mission objectives. That gives me the freedom to be me, you to be you, and roll with it.
Tayrey is the only person I trust her, not her goals. Not what she'll do to get there. Because she's so rigid in her belief system. She thinks she can rely on codes and that is how most wars start. But Tayrey the person wants peace. She doesn't think it's like the peacekeepers, all "if you remove all freedoms, then of course there's no war." Or that you can get it by oppression and tyranny. She's almost naive in that, right? Inexperienced. Idealistic. So if her goal was to get home... I don't trust what she'd do for that. Because we've seen desperate people. But I trust her not to torture someone just because she thinks it might work. [Nod.] Her, not her goals.
Before she can even think about "actually I might be happier if I--" say was in a relationship, or "let myself do what I want right this second..." she'd have to first be willing to be happy. If she thinks happiness will get in the way of her career or long time goals? She will never ever allow herself that. She will lie to herself so much that even if she knew she loves Shiranui, she would not tell him, because she would consider it very cruel.
And she straight up thought that you wanting her to be happy? Meant you were being mean. [Finger over lips.] I know. I tried to tell her how it was getting reversed. Obviously. But anyone who wanted her to be happy on the ship weren't able to get through the barrier she put up to protect herself. That if she didn't try to get back to her duty she'd be a traitor and a monster. That if she liked it too much, it would be the worst kind of compliance with kidnappers. That anyone who did things like that were working for the enemy. She just, at least, is good enough to recognize, she really likes and trusts you more than you think, and she knows you wouldn't want her hurting. So she just kind of... [Both hands up, palms up to the ceiling as though holding something.] Assumes "people don't get it." And "severe damage" which isn't wrong but... not the best. [Laughs... shakes his head and flomps back on Klaus chest.]
Hideyoshi and Mitsuhide always butt heads. As I said, I have worried Hideyoshi would kill him if I wasn't there, but this isn't to make Mitsuhide sound incapable. He can give more than he's got. He's clever and can be nearly as sadistic as me. [Gently nips Klaus' nose!] Don't get any ideas.
I tried to tell him not to prank her too much, she's so serious. It won't go well. Maybe I didn't tell him here, I'll try again.
But well...
[Rubs noses together again.] You're still right though. I just need to let them work it out.
I think.
[Or maybe check on them.....]
Ugh. Do you think he was trying to remind me why I would never sleep with Hideyoshi? Because that nagging would be too damn much!
Ah. This is why I thought of going through withdrawal with you. I loved it. [Kisses!] I do have an addiction. But it's not to sugar, it's to you. I loved those days, your withdrawal, when we got back together, because seeing how strong you were, and it proved I love you not just for sex. [Chu! Kisses nose tip!] That's why you're my addiction. Because just talking to you I feel better, and I didn't know I wasn't fine.
[Another nuzzle.] He's probably just trying to find the new balance. And I'm sure he didn't worry it would be that big a deal to her. The one thing Hideyoshi would agree with him on... [Literally just... fucking giggles. It's so stupid.] Poor Tayrey, losing her heroic mental image of me as a perfect stoic wise commander who is very very evil, but oh so brave and fearlessly does what's right and willing to starve for his people. [Nod nod.]
[She did not, in fact, have such a mental image of him, but.... she probably didn't think he needs a constant nanny. And definitely didn't want him ~~embarrassed~~ not that he is, but she is... for him.]
[Nor did she know even before the ship he snuck sweets the way he did with Klaus and Mai.]
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Date: 2023-06-18 03:35 am (UTC)That's the dumbest stuff I've ever heard. But yeah yeah yeah. I know. I know. It's her choice. [And they're not gonna say that to her.]
What? I don't see how wanting someone to be happy is mean. [That's even dumber. Then again, she's always had a lot of trouble understanding him and he's had trouble understanding her, too. It's just a lot of weird cultural shit and Klaus is a million times more glad to have been born on Earth and lived with his fucked up family if it means he knows how to be selfish.] I don't think she trusts me. But if you think so, then...I dunno.
[Klaus' nose scrunches up slightly.] About Mitsuhide? You think I'll get weird ideas and fuck your friend? Or just let him torture me? [Yes, Klaus knows. NOT FRIENDS. But this is still funny.]
You do have an addiction to sugar, babe. I'm still mad you didn't get the lollipop walkway I was gonna have. It would have been so amazing. [These are just those moments of weirdness. They aren't strong. That's dumb.] You're so weird. I'm just a regular person that does regular things and...I mean, I'm glad I make you feel better, though.
[They reach up, massaging his scalp a little.] I don't think she thought you were all of that, babe. She does know you.
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Date: 2023-06-18 05:15 am (UTC)She doesn't trust everything you say. She trusts that you mean about protecting her, and she'd probably be happier if she could accept the idea that you could treat her as a sibling, but you know she insists she doesn't want that. Basically she sees you aa nakama. On the same ship,v having gone through similar unique battles but wildly different worlds and values. She trusts you with me. That means a lot. I probably couldn't order her to do something against her morals, but certainly something most people would find abhorrent.
[Squints at the question about Mitsuhide.] Are you already thinking about it?
Lollipop walkway???
[Eh. Maybe it is an addiction.]
[Happy growls and head butts lightly to demand more massage, completely melting!] Yes see? She knows how awesome I am. Mrrr mrr mrrrr! [Head nudge!!! More!]
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Date: 2023-06-18 11:24 pm (UTC)And they're about to argue when they feel a finger over their lips.] I don't feel like expressing love to people should be such a weird thing. Dad never told us he loved us. Hell, we never told each other. We were like...conditioned to fight each other basically. Or tell each other 'fuck you' instead of 'I love you.' [But that changed. Even at first, them saying 'I love you' was one of those things used to get something or needle one of his siblings.]
She doesn't want to be my sibling, though. She's kiiiinda made that clear. I don't think she'd know what to do with siblings if she had one anyway. [There's a sigh here.] I guess not everyone needs siblings? But mmmm. I'm gonna press x to doubt here. It would definitely not matter even if she didn't trust me with you, cause you trust me with you. No offense.
[Klaus snorts.] Only cause you're being weird about it. But no. I'm not gonna ask Mitsuhide to torture or fuck me. You're such an idiot sometimes. [They lightly tap his forehead.] Who did I marry? You or him? Who can I barely keep my hands off? You or him? Like really, babe.
[But they nod at the question] Yeah. Ava was gonna let me make the lollipops HUGE with this cool thing and then like...I was gonna set it up as the aisle we walked down and everything. It was gonna be so cool.
[He's not going to stop unless he's told to.] She knows you're a human being with flaws the same as the rest of us, Nobunaga. [There's still a hint of a smile as they look at him.] Even if she's weird about flaws, too. And failure. But that's all of us, I guess. Are you trying to tell me you think she's blind enough to completely overlook the silly parts of your personality? Because I don't think so.
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Date: 2023-06-19 06:39 am (UTC)I agree. People should say I love you more. It'd be a better world. Definitely. And Kenshin would hate it. Bwahahaha.... And the monks would hate it even more. Bwahahaha.
She doesn't understand it when you say siblings, and she thinks you and Ava and me and Valdis throwing each other in the pool is abusive. Keep in mind, she joined the Tradelines when she was 13. I had a dozen younger siblings, but you told me my generals are more like how you see your siblings, and that's the way I've understood it ever since. I think she could understand you being shipmates, comrades-in-arms, nakama easier. Instead of soldier vibes with it, think of it as -- [Closes his eyes.] Individualized. But in the Tradelines, everything is pretty strict. Treating one another playfully was seen as disrespectful to the point of abusive there. And if she let someone get away with it, it'd be seen as allowing them to escalate and get worse --
WHICH now that I mention that makes it really obvious why me trying to tell her to show vulnerability to Shiranui isn't seen as a thing to help them both get stronger, but me telling her to let him trample her. [Gently pounds a fist to his forehead.]
Anyway, if you say siblings, it's going to confuse her. No matter what. You can't explain it in a way that confuses her less. If you tell her about insults back and forth, like the yo-mama fights except it'd be yo-daddy for you and the Hargreaves [Because same adopted father.] she might kind of MAYBE get that it would be like her and someone else with the same captain making your captain jokes, but it would also be too disrespectful and banned on the Tradelines, so she would never do that. Instead, try to focus on the things you have in common and that it means you want her to spend time with you without having a professional face on, without her worrying that she might be bringing shame and disrespect or misrepresenting Tradelines. Time to just be herself. That you won't always ask for or demand more, you just want to provide a safe space to let her choose to do that if she wants to. To be free to.
[Nibbles Klaus' ears with a happy hum of delight.] I think she'll be happier here. Happier with letting herself be happier here... [Laughs!]
[And growls!] Yeah you better keep your hands on me! [Happy growls and nibbles.] Oh man... I hope I can remember that in the future. Or that we can ever do it again.
[Is a melted puddle for Klaus' hands!!!] What silly parts? I'm clearly a very deadly dictator who would never do something strange like wear a white haori over my head. Which is still completely practical.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-20 02:44 am (UTC)I love you. [Quick kiss.]
We've done way worse than that. And siblings doesn't feel like anything weird and mystical. [Klaus sighs.] And yet it still sounds like soldier vibes. And I'm not a strict guidelines kind of person. I managed in her memories because I didn't want to make things worse for her, but all the time? No, thanks. At least my siblings were up front and honest when they were insulting me. It wasn't like those period dramas.
[Klaus squints slightly. They're vulnerable all the time. But then again, oversharing is probably a trauma response, isn't it?]
I think I'll just...uhhh...ignore that. [Because being siblings is a thing and, like they said, it doesn't feel like something that's so confusing.] I don't think anyone has ever assumed that they need to prove anything to me. I don't know.
[But they're distracted by the attention to their ears.] Will she even let herself be happier?
[They don't really know if they can stay focused on this conversation with everything now.] That's the easiest thing you've ever asked me to do. [And just to make a point, they bring one hand down to carefully grab his ass.]
[They snort softly] You absolutely did do that and forced me to do it, too. You menace.
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Date: 2023-06-27 01:12 am (UTC)It is. It's very soldier vibes.
I think... Tayrey feels like she has to prove herself to everyone, because she is never good enough for herself. And because of that no one will ever be accepted as right if they tell her she's good enough or too much. Isn't there someone else I know like that? Not just Hideyoshi. [He means Klaus. Although it's different because Klaus isn't perfectionist, but afraid to start things. Something Ari also does.] She does know her adopted father is proud of her, running away and all, but she still can't bring herself to accept new people as not being someone she has to prove her strength and resiliency to. It's a little like someone who always had an excuse of cultists not knowing the real person behind the symbolic leader and thus not always believing his friends when they say they know he is better than he says.
I think she will. She is already more true to herself than I have seen ever on the ship.
[NOMS EARS and growls a little at the hand, aggressively pushing Klaus against a wall.] How many surfaces have we yet to conquer and claim as our own yet?
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Date: 2023-06-27 02:15 am (UTC)[Klaus looks over at Nobunaga, frowning slightly.] Not Hideyoshi? Mmmmmm. Maybe. There's probably a lot of people we know like that. [They are decidedly ignoring any suggestion that this is regarding them.] You must know a lot of cultists. [Yep. Ignoring this even harder.]
I guess? I don't know. We haven't spent a lot of time together since I got here.
[There's a small sound as they're pressed against the wall. Yep. They definitely like that.] I don't remember necessarily, but I'm sure we have a few. [There's a beat.] Not sure we've done this wall, though. Or the floor....in this exact spot.
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Date: 2023-06-28 04:36 am (UTC)Clearly we must rectify this situation and finish our campaign of conquering. [Nibbles Klaus' throat!]
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Date: 2023-06-28 05:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-07-01 10:23 pm (UTC)Klaus, don't underestimate my strength. I am more than capable of carrying you even without powers. Even without daily attempts on my life, I haven't ever gotten soft.
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Date: 2023-07-01 11:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-07-17 04:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-07-17 04:37 am (UTC)[But they're getting a little distracted.] I think I should get out of these clothes.
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Date: 2023-07-17 05:19 am (UTC)[Just noms on their neck!] Fuck you might kill me like that, and I want it.
[Where are they? Their house? Fine, he just starts helping Klaus out of their clothes and molests their thighs too!]
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Date: 2023-07-17 05:43 am (UTC)There's a soft moan at the teeth on his neck, the feeling bringing him back into the moment again.] Ha. It might get a little hot in there. But I think you'll survive.
[Their house up against their wall. Perfectly acceptable. There's a smile at the hands on his thighs.] Plus, you'd be allowed to ravage my thigh with your mouth and I know you like that. [They like it, too, so it's a win-win, right?]
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Date: 2023-08-21 11:54 pm (UTC)[Growls in pure desire and more molesting, hoisting Klaus up higher against the wall, and making a trail of bites down their chest and waist.] I do like that, a lot, but there is nothing about you I don't like.
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Date: 2023-08-22 06:48 pm (UTC)[Their head drops back against the wall as they feel teeth on their skin, legs moving to wrap around Nobunaga's waist.] I'm glad you like me. I never want you to stop. I like and love you so much. I'm glad you're my husband.
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Date: 2023-08-27 09:57 pm (UTC)[He can do all manner of filthy things to Klaus, but it's the sweetness that gets to him every time.]
I'll never stop. Being your husband is the best thing I've ever gotten to be. Even more than maou or unifying Japan. [Puts a finger over Klaus' lips as he strips down and bites more down Klaus' chest.] Don't admit that I said that to my soldiers. Bad for morale probably. But I love you too. Like I've been looking for you my whole life without knowing it, just that something was missing and now it's not.
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Date: 2023-08-28 02:36 am (UTC)[Since they're already covered in new bite marks, it's not going to matter if there's more.]
Put it in slowly? Just to draw it out, but then you can pick the pace from there.