[Klaus kind of hates both of those mottos. Even with the explanation. So many people always thinking about fighting and about how to stay in wars that don't even exist and Klaus has been trying to escape them all this time only to end up here.]
I'm not sure we can use the Captain to further anything. I don't think that everyone wants to either. [There's a sigh here.] I'm...I can live with you thinking I'm a weapon because I can ignore it, but I don't want to be talked about like I'm a weapon. Please. I call umbrella on that. [At least his voice seems more certain, more sure now.]
[They think quietly for a moment, trying to get the rest of their thoughts in order.] Maybe all you needed to say was that you could see they were struggling and that you wanted to be there to support them. As a friend.
Babe, sometimes you say things and I know you're trying to help, but...like not everyone responds well to like...having someone push them if they don't want to be pushed. Sometimes you have to accept that someone doesn't want to be and that you need to like...be okay with that and instead of doubling down on things, like...let it be. [He looks up at him finally after what feels like forever.] Not everyone responds to things the same. Some people need time and softness. Some people do respond well to being pushed, but some just...don't. And you can't help people to realize anything about their potential if you aren't willing to adjust your approach to it.
[It feels bad to like...critique someone's general way of doing things, but...] Just talk to people normally and get to know how they best deal with things, what works and doesn't. Without your ambitions or anything being part of it. Okay?
[Klaus =/= weapon. The one exception among the universe and everything in it now.]
[Is a partner a weapon? NOT ANYMORE.]
[And he gets it. Weapons can have purposes other than killing, or pain, but it is still their primary function. What they were made for. And furthermore, a weapon can be used by someone else to cause that pain. So it's double banned for Klaus, because Nobunaga will kill everyone else to prevent that from happening... He can't 100%, he cannot, but he can try really really hard. This is Klaus' freedom, so he will protect it.]
I cannot say that. You and Ari are wrong about me. I'm not good. I don't just meet someone and care that they're in pain except for how it benefits or hurts me.
I have 4 friends. Which is 4 more than I've ever had before here. You, Crichton, Teyrey, and Siffleur. [Hesitantly...] And I do not know how Maeve counts, but perhaps. I'm not looking for friends, and I am not capable of just --
[It's heartbreaking. He doesn't want to. But he picks Klaus up, and sets him back aside so he can get up and move, get space from Klaus, terrified he'll hurt them suddenly just by being like this, and talking about these things, by being so close physically or touching them.]
[Deep breath.] I am not capable of being normal. I do not understand what you or Crichton or Ari see in me, but it's not there. Don't expect so much from me. Just because I love you doesn't make me trustworthy. I can no sooner separate my ambition from how I treat people than I can stop loving you. It is an impossible request, do not ask it of me.
You're not a weapon. [Hoarse. So hoarse. And teetering on the edge of slipping his voice into demonic range.] That I can do. But normal people don't embrace being a demon. I am what I am, Klaus. Don't expect better, it's not something I can give. [He wonders if he should leave. Bolt. Go elsewhere to cool his head.]
[Klaus does feel the separation in that moment. They just want to lie there on the bed in their emotions and this is...perhaps....their first fight? Is this a fight? God. He hates it already]
You... [There's a sigh.] You're... [They are really trying to think of the words, but the words are failing them.] You are something better. You just refused to acknowledge it for some reason. Like you're already giving up.
I'm not giving up. [He does look back at him briefly, but then back towards the door.]
You're just wrong.
The only thing that makes me better than Saito Dosan or others like him is that my ambition is more vast. And you tell me not to think of how others fit into it? Tch. You're very wrong, Klaus.
[Instead of just lying with his face pressed into the bed, Klaus pushes up to sit more carefully, scooching forward so he can sit more properly.] I'm not wrong.
[Frowns.] You are a good person. You might make mistakes or not understand things or push too hard when you shouldn't. [He wants to get closer, but also is trying to respect that Nobunaga needs space] But you just push people away every time they try to tell you that you're a good person. Tell them they're wrong.
[He can't help staring at his lap, fidgeting slightly.] You say you love me and you keep pushing me away when I say something that goes against the way that you perceive yourself. And you're... [He frowns. Change the language] It feels like you're not listening to me. I know we don't have the same way of looking at things sometimes and that's...that's trauma and life experiences. Things just being different.
And maybe I'm not listening a little, too. But I care about you so much. And I don't want you to...to make enemies because you can't figure out talking to different people. I don't want you to get hurt. Physically or emotionally because you say something and it rubs someone the wrong way and...stuff.
I am listening. [He comes back to the bed, kneeling in front of it so Klaus can put his hands wherever on Nobunaga. Not just look so sad and lost. Especially not for Nobunaga's sake.]
[Make enemies...]
[The whole world should hate him, right? Then it means they will at least work to the proper goals. Even if they use him like a god, then as long as they still hate him, then it means they'll fight to free themselves of gods too.]
[His minds is swirling with too many thoughts at once, so he has to box a lot of them up to focus on Klaus.]
I'm not hurt.
[Physically or emotionally. Is he? He doesn't know. He can tell Klaus is hurting though, so there's that.]
[And Nobunaga is scared. If he was stronger, he could say that. He's petrified. Scared to death of hurting Klaus more by being there, by being close, by asking these things. Scared of failing him, because he cannot be normal in his own world and time, how is he supposed to be normal now? Somewhere with so much culture clash, and ideas he doesn't understand, like privacy, and not treating people like weapons.]
I don't care if it rubs people the wrong way. [Gently picks up Klaus' hands and covers it tenderly in kisses.] Only you. [Because he doesn't like hurting Klaus. He hates it. More than anything. More than he hates the castes.]
[Klaus just reaches out for Nobunaga, forcing himself to look up at him. It isn't that he wants Nobunaga to pack away feelings that he's having because of feelings he is having himself. That's not fair, but he doesn't know.]
[That's a lie. Klaus isn't five.]
I don't know. I think you are because you seemed upset that you made Karkat upset...or think the wrong thing. I think you care more than you're willing to admit. [He smiles at the kisses, squirming his way off the bed. Once they are sitting on the floor, they reach out, pulling Nobunaga a little closer for a kiss.] It's okay to feel things, you know. I mean, I guess it's...fine if you don't, but you don't have to act like you don't if you do.
[Nobunaga kisses Klaus at the gesture, and then hesitantly picks Klaus back up, and sits on the bed again, with Klaus on his lap. Klaus doesn't belong on the floor. And if Nobunaga's self-punishment is going to cause that, then he will stop. He remembers Klaus sleeping on the floor after Halloween, and just... never again. Not while Nobunaga is there and aware enough to stop it.]
I didn't upset Karkat. [Quietly and he just gently pets Klaus' hair, remembering brushing it before, and already debating doing so again.] He was already upset. He barricaded off the library, and I offered to take him to get ice cream to talk through the pain he was experiencing.
He called me a masochist, and just -- [A headtilt, and he goes back to covering Klaus' knuckles in kisses, takes a deep breath, and hugs them very close, breathing softly into their shoulder.]
That is when I said it was because I saw potential in him. Not as a leader. Even though it reminded me of Ieyasu, I have already trained Ieyasu once. I could not do it again. And Clarke is who I will set the future on, maybe even more if she doesn't like it. I saw the potential in him as --
[A weapon.]
I am scared. [Quietly. Into Klaus' shoulder. And blinks away tears.] The idea that I hurt you... that I might, that I --
I know, you're a masochist, but not like this. Not for this. And this is not in my control. And I am... [Sighs into Klaus' shoulder.] Not able to promise to stop being myself. I don't want to be someone you don't love. I don't want to be someone even capable of hurting you -- in a way you do not like.
[Klaus doesn't understand why they're moving when he got down onto the floor to be closer to Nobunaga, but they aren't going to argue about being moved. Will just settle in his lap.]
I don't know that I would call you a masochist. [You didn't have to be a masochist to enjoy nails down your back or the feeling of almost any of the things they'd done. He didn't ask if he wanted to be whipped or choked, but he seemed more interested in providing those things.] But...sometimes you do seem to like to punish yourself for things.
[Klaus runs his hands over Nobunaga's back.] I can set boundaries for myself if I have to. [Their voice is soft.] I don't want you to stop being you, babe. I love you. Even if you did some stuff and will still do some stuff. I just...would like you to try to consider things and if you need me to help you, I will. But you're not home and some things aren't the same. I tried to tell Ari the same thing, but she's...you're both so stubborn.
[Squints.] I'm still here. Having this conversation we both hate. But you shouldn't have to be on the floor with me. So if I have to be gentler on myself in order to give you the better things you deserve, I will.
[Growls lightly at the hands and hisses a breath through his teeth. Although not painful, at times like this, where he is emotional, and scared of hurting Klaus, all the more tender Klaus is to him, the more he cannot reconcile it to his head. The thinking he deserves the fires of hell, not the pleasures of heaven.]
I am the stubbornest man in history. If ever I meet someone more stubborn than me, I'll have to give up my Demon King of 6th Heaven title. And I am quite proud of it. All the more because I shouldn't be, it's not that kind of thing. [And took a genocide to achieve. So...]
Do not think you are not stubborn either, Lucky Number. You are even worse than Teyrey, and it is this I love about you as well.
[Because furniture is a luxury weirdo who isn't eating ice cream and how is that not self punishment either?]
Damn right I won't. [Growl growls. And nips Klaus' nose tip.]
This, for starters. That I am good, even though I'm hurting you and making you remember things that makes you cry. That you are sexy trash, even though I refuse to throw you away. That you try to look after everyone, and still think you are only good for being pretty and superficial even though it's obviously not the case. That Ari had to write into her contract with me that I am not allowed to continue playing Siffleur's game, even though I would surely win eventually, because you shouldn't have to suffer and I should just look after you properly. If these things are not stubbornness, than I might as well give up my title already, because I clearly don't know what stubborn is.
[Klaus scrunches his nose slightly.] You always bite when you're emotional.
[They listen, to all the things he has to say.]
You've upset me, yeah. And okay, sure. I cried. [He sighs.] But that's...if I ran away from it, then we'd never resolve it or talk it out and then we'd...we'd just always be here. [They don't want to mention that if they just never tried, they might have broken up because that seems dumb. Especially when he's said such likely truthful things.] I do kind of have dead boyfriend trauma. Sorry. Just...you already died once and that was...a lot. I know I can't stop you from dying all the time and I know that things will happen, but...I hate the idea of you going into things on purpose. I love you so much that...[There's a sad look on his face] It's just...hard. Which is part of you not...always considering other people before doing things.
I've learned that's...kind of a part of you. Of your being a demon king. You're not used to having to consider other people and I get it. Which is...why I'm asking you to. You're considering how your actions can further your goals, but not exactly how it's affecting...whoever else is involved. I'm trying to be okay with it, to accept it, but...it's difficult.
[Nobunaga curls up around Klaus like a warm weighted blanket, or emotional support lion.]
That's not... actually... true. In Hell. I had to consider my entire army always. I wasn't allowed to do whatever I wanted. I was never free. I couldn't even sail away to go exploring without resolving the entire country first. I couldn't get injured or Hideyoshi would go insane, and try to get revenge, and try to become the Demon King instead, and he's better than that.
I do have to consider how... everything I do affects others. Including you, even though you are not a weapon to be used by anyone. You are just zen.
[HUG! HUG HUG HUG!]
The only other woman I ever loved was named Kitsuno. I hate hearing her name, so do not mention it outside of this.
She was tortured by--
[Oh. He's crying. Why is he crying?]
[He tries to blink it away, but it's still coming???] By the gods. I guess. Or health. Or just fate. I don't know. She was the world to me for a long time. [Stop crying.] I couldn't tell her I loved her, because politics, and she was dying, so it would have been cruel and pointless. When she died, the religious told me it was her time. That it was destiny, for her to be tortured, and die, and I just... couldn't accept it. I know if I made the country better, then--
[He would REALLY like to stop crying now.]
[Ugh, he just lays sideways and briefly covers his head with a pillow until he can compose himself.]
[And gently bops Klaus with the pillow when he's calm enough.]
So I ... I don't want you to feel like that. But even just looking after my soldiers is why Ari was able to write in the clause anyway. [Hiccup. And another light pillow bop.] It's not that I'm not thinking about how it could affect someone, if I was, I wouldn't have asked you in the first place. It's that... to me it's still worth the price. If the world is some kind of place that people get tortured and no one things it can get better, then it doesn't deserve to exist anyway. [Finger over Klaus' lips again.] But I know it can get better. I have seen it.
[Klaus makes an annoyed huff.] Then I should have heard about the Siffleur thing from you before you did it. Not like you undied the next day and things are fine. Cause I still had to deal with the emotional after effect, okay?
[At least no one else has to worry about taking over as the demon king here But that's not the point. The point is communicating. This is a relationship. And if they're gonna make it work, they need to talk about things.] I'm not a weapon. Yeah.
[But now he's getting sad and they frown a little, just listening. The crying is...new. They really don't like the crying or the reason for the crying. Klaus knows what it is to not be able to tell someone you love them fully in the public eye. Maybe not so much not being able to tell the person he loved. But it was mostly in private, hardly ever something he could say to other people. It probably didn't stop the looks at him that showed how much they loved him. Dave was so...good. If this Kitsuno person was someone like Dave for Nobunaga, then...that was terrible. To watch someone you loved die.]
[Klaus lets out a soft, complaint as he's hit with the pillow before moving himself to cuddle his boyfriend. Just let them kiss your cheeks and lightly wipe the tears away some more for you.]
[Does he want Klaus to fight a pillow? Klaus will fight a pillow. As it stands, Klaus is gonna lick his finger cause he's tired of said finger being pressed against his lips. If Nobunaga doesn't move his finger fast enough, they're probably just gonna inappropriately bite it or put his mouth around it.]
I'd still like some heads up and warning. This is a relationship and we need to talk to each other. Like...are you fine if I learn knife lessons from Blackbeard? [Practice what you preach or whatever.] He offered. We got drunk and I sang my favorite, least sexy Destiny's Child song.
[Whines at the finger sucking! Thanks Klaus, he really needed to be horny for this conversation too!]
There is no unsexy Destiny's Child from you. [Ugh.]
[Talking.]
[Okay.]
[Is Nobunaga okay with Klaus learning knives from Blackbeard.] When did Blackbeard come back?
[Oh but --]
[Nobunaga tries hard to think about this.] And you think he will not treat you like a weapon?
[Whatever. Does he care? Is it bothering him? Does he have emotions about this in any direction at all?]
[He has no idea right now. Everything is such a haze of misery.]
[He wants to teach Klaus how to deal with knives, throw them, and the rest. But he doesn't think (?) he's jealous about it. Right now, he can't feel anything but ice.]
Learn knives. Not an order. I want you to be happy, idiot. [Bops him again with the pillow!]
It was Survivor. It’s basically a whatever song. I mean a good one, but it wasn’t like…say…Lose My Breath. [They don’t know if they’ve sung that one for him yet, but…]
Liiiike recently? I have just been as unweird as I can cause I only met him once and I snapped and told him he sounded like my dad. [Woops] But he’s definitely a loooooot more unhinged now.
[As for that question.] He has no reason to. I didn’t join his crew. I’m just teaching him singing and stuff in return. Also I have no interest in being a pirate. Just giving myself a little more ability to not die immediately. Is all.
[They are thinking about that whole conversation and how fuzzy things got at the end.] Also I told him he should check out the knife club and maybe poetry club? Cause he writes songs apparently! He refused to sing them for me, but I hope he does one day.
[Klaus makes a noise at the five millionth (and exaggeration) pillow bop.] Bop me with that pillow one more time and I swear to every god in existence… [What does he swear? Well, that’s a surprise for Nobunaga and him]
After I told him. And I said we were dating, so nothing weird was gonna happen. I’m not hiding you. I did tell him he needed a makeover, though. He looked like a drowned raccoon. Also he didn’t stab me when I said that. So that’s winning, right?
[THAT’S IT! Klaus is definitely taking the pillow and pinning Nobunaga to the bed]
[Klaus is very aware of the lack of everything which makes him frown]
Yes. I know. And I love you, too. [To prove a point, he leans down to kiss Nobunaga on the forehead and then both cheeks, his nose, and finally his lips.]
[Then they’re just gonna lie down on top of him like a personal weighted blanket.] We can talk more later, okay? I’m sorry you’re hurting. And I’m sorry if I made it worse at all. Still love you.
[Ugh, Nobunaga is still too fucked up at the moment to react at first, but he does kiss back to the one on his lips at least.]
I'm hurting?
[He can't tell.]
[He gently tries to move Klaus to the side and cuddle up against his chest.] Love you too.
I don't think you made anything worse. Sometimes you have to be the smart one... and I'm sorry, because I know you do not like it.
Why don't you think I'm evil again? Oh, but you do not think Blackbeard is. So is it just your father? [Just gonna stay here, safe in Klaus' arms for a change.]
How else do you explain it? You’re so quiet and so…this is so different from your usual. So I assume you’re hurting or upset. Cause you get quiet and shut off when something really hits you. You were like this at first after Crichton died. [He pays pretty close attention to Nobunaga.]
[They move easy, letting Nobunaga cuddle up to their chest.] Dangers of the… [Not the job] experience. Pretty sure I’m not usually the one with the one braincell in this family. Usually Viktor or Allison or Five. I’m like the stupidest one, honestly.
[Klaus moves to run his fingers through Nobunaga’s hair.] You’re not evil. You just like to be evil and say you’re evil because then you can explain away some of your behavior and act like nothing can hurt you. Trauma response or whatever.
And I’m not pretending you’ve never done anything bad before you start on all the bad stuff again. I got it. I’m just saying you have this habit. And as for Blackbeard. That guy is fucking nuts and almost definitely fucked people up and will again. He hurt Pratt, but Pratt said it’s okay. Which is a lie, but apparently no one needs to be enemies and he wants me to take pictures if I get Blackbeard to let me do his make up.
[Just out here revealing shit and stuff.] I mean, I’m always gonna have a hell of a lot of emotional baggage about my dad. He sucks and he’s not sorry about it. Sure, he might have done something for the “greater good” [Yes there ARE air quotes] But it was for his greater good, not the greater good of everyone else. He’s a fucking dick.
[But he likes when Klaus is like this, protective of him. He's not used to it. The closest to someone trying to protect him, is Hideyoshi, and Hideyoshi won't even let him eat candy late at night because of his teeth and whatever.]
[Trauma...]
[Nobunaga is soothed by the hair pets, but almost completely flips when Klaus says Pratt got hurt by Blackbeard.] What? [All the angry kitten with hackles completely on end.] How hurt? [>:| No, this isn't okay.]
[But about Reginald... Nobuanga softens back down and kisses Klaus' forehead.] I'm sorry. I want to protect you from that, not remind you of it.
[Klaus will be protective of him until forever, so it's probably a good thing he likes it.[
[Uhhh....] I dunno??? Enough that he was taking like...the opium medicine from the infirmary, so probably pretty bad? Apparently they had a disagreement because of Izzy? I don't know that guy, but...yeah. I dunno. He didn't say exactly what happened?
[Klaus smiles at the kiss.] Pretty sure I'm saddled with that shit for the rest of my life, buddy. Don't think I could escape it if I wanted to.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-11-29 07:34 pm (UTC)I'm not sure we can use the Captain to further anything. I don't think that everyone wants to either. [There's a sigh here.] I'm...I can live with you thinking I'm a weapon because I can ignore it, but I don't want to be talked about like I'm a weapon. Please. I call umbrella on that. [At least his voice seems more certain, more sure now.]
[They think quietly for a moment, trying to get the rest of their thoughts in order.] Maybe all you needed to say was that you could see they were struggling and that you wanted to be there to support them. As a friend.
Babe, sometimes you say things and I know you're trying to help, but...like not everyone responds well to like...having someone push them if they don't want to be pushed. Sometimes you have to accept that someone doesn't want to be and that you need to like...be okay with that and instead of doubling down on things, like...let it be. [He looks up at him finally after what feels like forever.] Not everyone responds to things the same. Some people need time and softness. Some people do respond well to being pushed, but some just...don't. And you can't help people to realize anything about their potential if you aren't willing to adjust your approach to it.
[It feels bad to like...critique someone's general way of doing things, but...] Just talk to people normally and get to know how they best deal with things, what works and doesn't. Without your ambitions or anything being part of it. Okay?
no subject
Date: 2022-11-29 08:24 pm (UTC)[Klaus =/= weapon. The one exception among the universe and everything in it now.]
[Is a partner a weapon? NOT ANYMORE.]
[And he gets it. Weapons can have purposes other than killing, or pain, but it is still their primary function. What they were made for. And furthermore, a weapon can be used by someone else to cause that pain. So it's double banned for Klaus, because Nobunaga will kill everyone else to prevent that from happening... He can't 100%, he cannot, but he can try really really hard. This is Klaus' freedom, so he will protect it.]
I cannot say that. You and Ari are wrong about me. I'm not good. I don't just meet someone and care that they're in pain except for how it benefits or hurts me.
I have 4 friends. Which is 4 more than I've ever had before here. You, Crichton, Teyrey, and Siffleur. [Hesitantly...] And I do not know how Maeve counts, but perhaps. I'm not looking for friends, and I am not capable of just --
[It's heartbreaking. He doesn't want to. But he picks Klaus up, and sets him back aside so he can get up and move, get space from Klaus, terrified he'll hurt them suddenly just by being like this, and talking about these things, by being so close physically or touching them.]
[Deep breath.] I am not capable of being normal. I do not understand what you or Crichton or Ari see in me, but it's not there. Don't expect so much from me. Just because I love you doesn't make me trustworthy. I can no sooner separate my ambition from how I treat people than I can stop loving you. It is an impossible request, do not ask it of me.
You're not a weapon. [Hoarse. So hoarse. And teetering on the edge of slipping his voice into demonic range.] That I can do. But normal people don't embrace being a demon. I am what I am, Klaus. Don't expect better, it's not something I can give. [He wonders if he should leave. Bolt. Go elsewhere to cool his head.]
no subject
Date: 2022-11-29 09:08 pm (UTC)You... [There's a sigh.] You're... [They are really trying to think of the words, but the words are failing them.] You are something better. You just refused to acknowledge it for some reason. Like you're already giving up.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-29 09:28 pm (UTC)You're just wrong.
The only thing that makes me better than Saito Dosan or others like him is that my ambition is more vast. And you tell me not to think of how others fit into it? Tch. You're very wrong, Klaus.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-29 10:18 pm (UTC)[Frowns.] You are a good person. You might make mistakes or not understand things or push too hard when you shouldn't. [He wants to get closer, but also is trying to respect that Nobunaga needs space] But you just push people away every time they try to tell you that you're a good person. Tell them they're wrong.
[He can't help staring at his lap, fidgeting slightly.] You say you love me and you keep pushing me away when I say something that goes against the way that you perceive yourself. And you're... [He frowns. Change the language] It feels like you're not listening to me. I know we don't have the same way of looking at things sometimes and that's...that's trauma and life experiences. Things just being different.
And maybe I'm not listening a little, too. But I care about you so much. And I don't want you to...to make enemies because you can't figure out talking to different people. I don't want you to get hurt. Physically or emotionally because you say something and it rubs someone the wrong way and...stuff.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-29 10:40 pm (UTC)[Pushing him away...]
[Emotionally... yeah.]
I am listening. [He comes back to the bed, kneeling in front of it so Klaus can put his hands wherever on Nobunaga. Not just look so sad and lost. Especially not for Nobunaga's sake.]
[Make enemies...]
[The whole world should hate him, right? Then it means they will at least work to the proper goals. Even if they use him like a god, then as long as they still hate him, then it means they'll fight to free themselves of gods too.]
[His minds is swirling with too many thoughts at once, so he has to box a lot of them up to focus on Klaus.]
I'm not hurt.
[Physically or emotionally. Is he? He doesn't know. He can tell Klaus is hurting though, so there's that.]
[And Nobunaga is scared. If he was stronger, he could say that. He's petrified. Scared to death of hurting Klaus more by being there, by being close, by asking these things. Scared of failing him, because he cannot be normal in his own world and time, how is he supposed to be normal now? Somewhere with so much culture clash, and ideas he doesn't understand, like privacy, and not treating people like weapons.]
I don't care if it rubs people the wrong way. [Gently picks up Klaus' hands and covers it tenderly in kisses.] Only you. [Because he doesn't like hurting Klaus. He hates it. More than anything. More than he hates the castes.]
no subject
Date: 2022-11-29 11:06 pm (UTC)[That's a lie. Klaus isn't five.]
I don't know. I think you are because you seemed upset that you made Karkat upset...or think the wrong thing. I think you care more than you're willing to admit. [He smiles at the kisses, squirming his way off the bed. Once they are sitting on the floor, they reach out, pulling Nobunaga a little closer for a kiss.] It's okay to feel things, you know. I mean, I guess it's...fine if you don't, but you don't have to act like you don't if you do.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-30 01:08 am (UTC)I didn't upset Karkat. [Quietly and he just gently pets Klaus' hair, remembering brushing it before, and already debating doing so again.] He was already upset. He barricaded off the library, and I offered to take him to get ice cream to talk through the pain he was experiencing.
He called me a masochist, and just -- [A headtilt, and he goes back to covering Klaus' knuckles in kisses, takes a deep breath, and hugs them very close, breathing softly into their shoulder.]
That is when I said it was because I saw potential in him. Not as a leader. Even though it reminded me of Ieyasu, I have already trained Ieyasu once. I could not do it again. And Clarke is who I will set the future on, maybe even more if she doesn't like it. I saw the potential in him as --
[A weapon.]
I am scared. [Quietly. Into Klaus' shoulder. And blinks away tears.] The idea that I hurt you... that I might, that I --
I know, you're a masochist, but not like this. Not for this. And this is not in my control. And I am... [Sighs into Klaus' shoulder.] Not able to promise to stop being myself. I don't want to be someone you don't love. I don't want to be someone even capable of hurting you -- in a way you do not like.
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Date: 2022-11-30 01:44 am (UTC)I don't know that I would call you a masochist. [You didn't have to be a masochist to enjoy nails down your back or the feeling of almost any of the things they'd done. He didn't ask if he wanted to be whipped or choked, but he seemed more interested in providing those things.] But...sometimes you do seem to like to punish yourself for things.
[Klaus runs his hands over Nobunaga's back.] I can set boundaries for myself if I have to. [Their voice is soft.] I don't want you to stop being you, babe. I love you. Even if you did some stuff and will still do some stuff. I just...would like you to try to consider things and if you need me to help you, I will. But you're not home and some things aren't the same. I tried to tell Ari the same thing, but she's...you're both so stubborn.
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Date: 2022-11-30 02:20 am (UTC)[Squints.] I'm still here. Having this conversation we both hate. But you shouldn't have to be on the floor with me. So if I have to be gentler on myself in order to give you the better things you deserve, I will.
[Growls lightly at the hands and hisses a breath through his teeth. Although not painful, at times like this, where he is emotional, and scared of hurting Klaus, all the more tender Klaus is to him, the more he cannot reconcile it to his head. The thinking he deserves the fires of hell, not the pleasures of heaven.]
I am the stubbornest man in history. If ever I meet someone more stubborn than me, I'll have to give up my Demon King of 6th Heaven title. And I am quite proud of it. All the more because I shouldn't be, it's not that kind of thing. [And took a genocide to achieve. So...]
Do not think you are not stubborn either, Lucky Number. You are even worse than Teyrey, and it is this I love about you as well.
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Date: 2022-11-30 02:44 am (UTC)[Klaus really is dealing with a very weird kitten. That's how he's viewing it. They are dating a cat. A very angry cat. Just growling for no reason.]
Liar. You'd never admit to someone being more stubborn than you and you'd never give them your title.
[They wrap their arms around Nobunaga even more.] And what am I stubborn about?
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Date: 2022-11-30 03:06 am (UTC)Damn right I won't. [Growl growls. And nips Klaus' nose tip.]
This, for starters. That I am good, even though I'm hurting you and making you remember things that makes you cry. That you are sexy trash, even though I refuse to throw you away. That you try to look after everyone, and still think you are only good for being pretty and superficial even though it's obviously not the case. That Ari had to write into her contract with me that I am not allowed to continue playing Siffleur's game, even though I would surely win eventually, because you shouldn't have to suffer and I should just look after you properly. If these things are not stubbornness, than I might as well give up my title already, because I clearly don't know what stubborn is.
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Date: 2022-11-30 03:57 am (UTC)[They listen, to all the things he has to say.]
You've upset me, yeah. And okay, sure. I cried. [He sighs.] But that's...if I ran away from it, then we'd never resolve it or talk it out and then we'd...we'd just always be here. [They don't want to mention that if they just never tried, they might have broken up because that seems dumb. Especially when he's said such likely truthful things.] I do kind of have dead boyfriend trauma. Sorry. Just...you already died once and that was...a lot. I know I can't stop you from dying all the time and I know that things will happen, but...I hate the idea of you going into things on purpose. I love you so much that...[There's a sad look on his face] It's just...hard. Which is part of you not...always considering other people before doing things.
I've learned that's...kind of a part of you. Of your being a demon king. You're not used to having to consider other people and I get it. Which is...why I'm asking you to. You're considering how your actions can further your goals, but not exactly how it's affecting...whoever else is involved. I'm trying to be okay with it, to accept it, but...it's difficult.
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Date: 2022-11-30 04:19 am (UTC)[Ugh... Klaus that's...]
[Completely and totally fair.]
[Nobunaga curls up around Klaus like a warm weighted blanket, or emotional support lion.]
That's not... actually... true. In Hell. I had to consider my entire army always. I wasn't allowed to do whatever I wanted. I was never free. I couldn't even sail away to go exploring without resolving the entire country first. I couldn't get injured or Hideyoshi would go insane, and try to get revenge, and try to become the Demon King instead, and he's better than that.
I do have to consider how... everything I do affects others. Including you, even though you are not a weapon to be used by anyone. You are just zen.
[HUG! HUG HUG HUG!]
The only other woman I ever loved was named Kitsuno. I hate hearing her name, so do not mention it outside of this.
She was tortured by--
[Oh. He's crying. Why is he crying?]
[He tries to blink it away, but it's still coming???] By the gods. I guess. Or health. Or just fate. I don't know. She was the world to me for a long time. [Stop crying.] I couldn't tell her I loved her, because politics, and she was dying, so it would have been cruel and pointless. When she died, the religious told me it was her time. That it was destiny, for her to be tortured, and die, and I just... couldn't accept it. I know if I made the country better, then--
[He would REALLY like to stop crying now.]
[Ugh, he just lays sideways and briefly covers his head with a pillow until he can compose himself.]
[And gently bops Klaus with the pillow when he's calm enough.]
So I ... I don't want you to feel like that. But even just looking after my soldiers is why Ari was able to write in the clause anyway. [Hiccup. And another light pillow bop.] It's not that I'm not thinking about how it could affect someone, if I was, I wouldn't have asked you in the first place. It's that... to me it's still worth the price. If the world is some kind of place that people get tortured and no one things it can get better, then it doesn't deserve to exist anyway. [Finger over Klaus' lips again.] But I know it can get better. I have seen it.
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Date: 2022-11-30 04:59 am (UTC)[At least no one else has to worry about taking over as the demon king here But that's not the point. The point is communicating. This is a relationship. And if they're gonna make it work, they need to talk about things.] I'm not a weapon. Yeah.
[But now he's getting sad and they frown a little, just listening. The crying is...new. They really don't like the crying or the reason for the crying. Klaus knows what it is to not be able to tell someone you love them fully in the public eye. Maybe not so much not being able to tell the person he loved. But it was mostly in private, hardly ever something he could say to other people. It probably didn't stop the looks at him that showed how much they loved him. Dave was so...good. If this Kitsuno person was someone like Dave for Nobunaga, then...that was terrible. To watch someone you loved die.]
[Klaus lets out a soft, complaint as he's hit with the pillow before moving himself to cuddle his boyfriend. Just let them kiss your cheeks and lightly wipe the tears away some more for you.]
[Does he want Klaus to fight a pillow? Klaus will fight a pillow. As it stands, Klaus is gonna lick his finger cause he's tired of said finger being pressed against his lips. If Nobunaga doesn't move his finger fast enough, they're probably just gonna inappropriately bite it or put his mouth around it.]
I'd still like some heads up and warning. This is a relationship and we need to talk to each other. Like...are you fine if I learn knife lessons from Blackbeard? [Practice what you preach or whatever.] He offered. We got drunk and I sang my favorite, least sexy Destiny's Child song.
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Date: 2022-11-30 05:20 am (UTC)There is no unsexy Destiny's Child from you. [Ugh.]
[Talking.]
[Okay.]
[Is Nobunaga okay with Klaus learning knives from Blackbeard.] When did Blackbeard come back?
[Oh but --]
[Nobunaga tries hard to think about this.] And you think he will not treat you like a weapon?
[Whatever. Does he care? Is it bothering him? Does he have emotions about this in any direction at all?]
[He has no idea right now. Everything is such a haze of misery.]
[He wants to teach Klaus how to deal with knives, throw them, and the rest. But he doesn't think (?) he's jealous about it. Right now, he can't feel anything but ice.]
Learn knives. Not an order. I want you to be happy, idiot. [Bops him again with the pillow!]
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Date: 2022-11-30 05:47 am (UTC)It was Survivor. It’s basically a whatever song. I mean a good one, but it wasn’t like…say…Lose My Breath. [They don’t know if they’ve sung that one for him yet, but…]
Liiiike recently? I have just been as unweird as I can cause I only met him once and I snapped and told him he sounded like my dad. [Woops] But he’s definitely a loooooot more unhinged now.
[As for that question.] He has no reason to. I didn’t join his crew. I’m just teaching him singing and stuff in return. Also I have no interest in being a pirate. Just giving myself a little more ability to not die immediately. Is all.
[They are thinking about that whole conversation and how fuzzy things got at the end.] Also I told him he should check out the knife club and maybe poetry club? Cause he writes songs apparently! He refused to sing them for me, but I hope he does one day.
[Klaus makes a noise at the five millionth (and exaggeration) pillow bop.] Bop me with that pillow one more time and I swear to every god in existence… [What does he swear? Well, that’s a surprise for Nobunaga and him]
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Date: 2022-11-30 05:57 am (UTC)[Nobunaga still has no idea if even HAS feelings about this.]
[But he knows one thing he definitely has emotions about!]
[Being told what to (or not) do! And this is the same as the Captain getting dared, or when Valdis told him not to think lewdly about Klaus.]
[BOP!]
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Date: 2022-11-30 06:08 am (UTC)[THAT’S IT! Klaus is definitely taking the pillow and pinning Nobunaga to the bed]
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Date: 2022-11-30 06:22 am (UTC)[And pinned.] You know I love you, right?
[That seems important to say, so he is.]
[He doesn't know about anything else anymore.]
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Date: 2022-11-30 06:30 am (UTC)Yes. I know. And I love you, too. [To prove a point, he leans down to kiss Nobunaga on the forehead and then both cheeks, his nose, and finally his lips.]
[Then they’re just gonna lie down on top of him like a personal weighted blanket.] We can talk more later, okay? I’m sorry you’re hurting. And I’m sorry if I made it worse at all. Still love you.
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Date: 2022-11-30 06:40 am (UTC)I'm hurting?
[He can't tell.]
[He gently tries to move Klaus to the side and cuddle up against his chest.] Love you too.
I don't think you made anything worse. Sometimes you have to be the smart one... and I'm sorry, because I know you do not like it.
Why don't you think I'm evil again? Oh, but you do not think Blackbeard is. So is it just your father? [Just gonna stay here, safe in Klaus' arms for a change.]
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Date: 2022-11-30 07:09 am (UTC)[They move easy, letting Nobunaga cuddle up to their chest.] Dangers of the… [Not the job] experience. Pretty sure I’m not usually the one with the one braincell in this family. Usually Viktor or Allison or Five. I’m like the stupidest one, honestly.
[Klaus moves to run his fingers through Nobunaga’s hair.] You’re not evil. You just like to be evil and say you’re evil because then you can explain away some of your behavior and act like nothing can hurt you. Trauma response or whatever.
And I’m not pretending you’ve never done anything bad before you start on all the bad stuff again. I got it. I’m just saying you have this habit. And as for Blackbeard. That guy is fucking nuts and almost definitely fucked people up and will again. He hurt Pratt, but Pratt said it’s okay. Which is a lie, but apparently no one needs to be enemies and he wants me to take pictures if I get Blackbeard to let me do his make up.
[Just out here revealing shit and stuff.] I mean, I’m always gonna have a hell of a lot of emotional baggage about my dad. He sucks and he’s not sorry about it. Sure, he might have done something for the “greater good” [Yes there ARE air quotes] But it was for his greater good, not the greater good of everyone else. He’s a fucking dick.
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Date: 2022-11-30 07:25 am (UTC)I'm just thinking.
[But he likes when Klaus is like this, protective of him. He's not used to it. The closest to someone trying to protect him, is Hideyoshi, and Hideyoshi won't even let him eat candy late at night because of his teeth and whatever.]
[Trauma...]
[Nobunaga is soothed by the hair pets, but almost completely flips when Klaus says Pratt got hurt by Blackbeard.] What? [All the angry kitten with hackles completely on end.] How hurt? [>:| No, this isn't okay.]
[But about Reginald... Nobuanga softens back down and kisses Klaus' forehead.] I'm sorry. I want to protect you from that, not remind you of it.
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Date: 2022-11-30 08:21 am (UTC)[Uhhh....] I dunno??? Enough that he was taking like...the opium medicine from the infirmary, so probably pretty bad? Apparently they had a disagreement because of Izzy? I don't know that guy, but...yeah. I dunno. He didn't say exactly what happened?
[Klaus smiles at the kiss.] Pretty sure I'm saddled with that shit for the rest of my life, buddy. Don't think I could escape it if I wanted to.
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